What was sex life before transitioning?

[LucyEgo]

As a male...I'm a late bloomer only recently losing my virginity. But I'm not entirely sure what to make of sex. I find it really kind of boring and just one of those necessities.

Can anyone relate to this?

Think I've got a few things to unpack. But post op, is sex more meaningful? More pleasurable? Do you connect more?

Lucy

[kaitylynn]

I was acclimatized to thinking about sex as a necessity through my social upbringing from early childhood.  There was importance placed on it by the males in my family grouping, but I could never really connect to the whole thing.  I was sexually active, but not attached to it and it was just something that we were supposed to be doing.  I could go long periods with no sexual activity, but the males all thought I was the total player because I was constantly surrounded by women who were eagerly accepting of things going that way.

Fast forward to today.  After years on HRT and allowing myself to surrender to what will be the rest of my life, sex has a whole new dimension.  My partner and I have passion that was something to be longed for through motion pictures only...who knew that intimacy could encompass emotions that make the physical stuff pale.  My partner and I's connection is one that is like tearing apart a single body when we are done.  All I can do is lie back, have her curl around me and bask in the afterglow, every facet of my being aching to be back that close with her.

Is sex different?  Yes, it is

Now that the "next step" has loomed on the horizon for us, GRS, I am profoundly curious how this will affect our intimate life.  Nothing "down there" really works any longer and hasn't for a while now.  It is present, would rather not think about it and as long as I do not look, I am able to enjoy things.

[Amaki]

As a male...I'm a late bloomer only recently losing my virginity. But I'm not entirely sure what to make of sex. I find it really kind of boring and just one of those necessities.

Can anyone relate to this?

Think I've got a few things to unpack. But post op, is sex more meaningful? More pleasurable? Do you connect more?

Lucy

I can say pretty much the same thing about me, and I only 'lost' it because of cheap escorts and foreign ports. Ive know my issue is more about me and not the action of intercourse itself so yeah as i am now I see it as nothing important, talking with others it does seem once we open up and start our true journey (and find someone who either truly loves us or  can support us whole heartly (might be the same thing lol)).

For my case it might also help if I was more comfortable getting out lol one step at a time anyway

[hardlife]

Am currently pre op and have not transition whatsoever. Am too am curious to how sex is like after person has had the surgery.

There is no way that I will ever have sex with the current plumbing that I have. The man on man action during sex does not appeal to me. Neither do two lesbians getting it on with each other.

Whenever I look at hetrosexual pornography I get turn on with the thought of myself having sex as a female. I plan on losing my virginity as a female. I do not want to ruin my first time having sex as a man. especially if its with another man. Am not into men having sex with each other.

[Ms. Bee]

I have only had gay man sex. I have not transition what so ever either. I look forward to the day I can have sex with a straight man as a woman. Hardlife do you plan on keeping your wee-wee? I do. How far do you want to go in your transition before you lose your virginity? Thanks

Am currently pre op and have not transition whatsoever. Am too am curious to how sex is like after person has had the surgery.

There is no way that I will ever have sex with the current plumbing that I have. The man on man action during sex does not appeal to me. Neither do two lesbians getting it on with each other.

Whenever I look at hetrosexual pornography I get turn on with the thought of myself having sex as a female. I plan on losing my virginity as a female. I do not want to ruin my first time having sex as a man. especially if its with another man. Am not into men having sex with each other.

[LucyEgo]

As a straight man, I would never think of being with a man. I've experimented but it didn't do anything for me. But I'm finding that being with a woman isn't really doing anything for me either. I've watched surgery videos without flinching and I'm in awe. I can see myself with a man in a hetero relationship.

[DawnOday]

If I were thinking like a man, being married to a nympho would have been a lifetime of joy. But, I could not stop crossdressing. We were together for seven years after she graduated. On the second date she pinned me against the drivers side window and proceeded to put me into a two hour liplock. It kind of expanded from there. But when we finally married we went from sex a couple nights a week to seven. On a bed instead of the car or on the beach or in a tent. One of our favorite places was Belmont Shores. Each outing was exciting as we avoided police patrols and pervs looking in the windows. Then we married and it became blase. She left when she realized I was crossdressing while she was still at work. I worked nights and she worked days. We did not try to save our marriage. Since then I have been married to my present wife for 35 years. We have not had sex since October 6, 1993 when I had open heart surgery. But she knew from the start about my crossdressing and never brought it up and I continued doing it. We still managed two babies before hand. Two years ago my frustration reached a climax and I vowed to do whatever it takes to reveal my secrets to all.

[Eryn T]

I was somewhat exposed to sex at a young age. The unseen, secretive nature of it all just kept me enthralled. I didn't know what to do, or why. And I didn't feel anything until  hit puberty, then my was a slave to my member. I definitely ruined some great opportunities I had early on, because I was more pleased with pleasing myself, and I hated that.

Still, I wanted badly to lose my virginity. It seems common all around the USA, but for me, growing up, being a virgin was a sign of shame. It was a sign that no one wanted or cared for you, and it really felt like that once I had sex, then I would someone no longer be a loser or socially awkward, etc.

Like Sophia, I was thinking the only way I would ever have sex is with an escort. And I hated the idea, but felt like I needed it to 'fix' my personality so much, that I was also willing to do something terrible(but not terrible, if you read the whole thing) and like drug an escort, do them, pay them, and take them back safely to where they need to be. That was the kind of man I was.

Then when I finally had sex with my wife for the first time, I realized this wasn't going to fix all my problems, and I don't know why. I just felt like an unreliable tool in the bedroom.  My size and how long I could last once penetration occurred were not the issue. But my member itself was extremely skiddish, difficult to arouse(when I felt the moment called for it, but would find arousal from the dumbest ->-bleeped-<- at random times of day) like my wife tried using condoms at first, but I would always go completely flaccid like mid-putting the condom on.  Then I just got really good at monitoring when I would ejaculate, wait until the last second, and be able to pull out just in time.  But I mean, sometimes I just went flaccid in the middle of penetration, too.

I mean, sex was physically pleasurable in the sense that touching a stove that's on will burn your hand. 

I do not currently plan to get any GRS, but I am hoping someday to be the one receiving, rather than giving. And if they enjoy 'having' me then I will really be happy to 'give' after all.

[Kylo]

My partners always got more out of it than I did. Not to say I didn't enjoy it with the right person - but with the wrong person it did absolutely nothing for me.

I will say that where estrogen is involved, sex is less important on multiple levels in my experience. Maybe that is because if there is any anxiety of any kind, on my mind at all, I would find it difficult to get in the mood. It's also less important to a relationship somehow. Hard to explain, but now if I got into a sexual relationship with someone, who I really wanted to be in one with, it would be frustrating not to be having any sex. Before it was something I could do without. These days I do not suffer much from anxiety at all, or depression, in the same way I used to, so that could be the reason I find it much more appealing. Another reason might just be mental alterations from hormones. I seem to get a bit more obsessive than I used to over particular people, and much less inhibited in the sex department.

[DustKitten]

Personally I love sex--but not for the pleasure itself. I'm in it for the intimacy, and giving pleasure to someone I care about. I've found that I can have sex once a day (if I need to), I prefer to have sex two or three times a week, and I'm content with having sex once every two weeks. Any longer than that, and I start to feel emotionally removed from the relationship, and I get anxious about our future together.

Now, all that said, even though I enjoy sex, I've only "finished" once, after being separated from my boyfriend for 5 months, and I'm positive that I've had issues with that because of dysphoria. When we first got together, I couldn't even get myself off if he was in the same room, or adjacent room to me; after about half a year I got to where I could manage (with much effort) if he was blindfolded or under a blanket in a dark room, and eventually I got to where it was almost as easy with him as when I was alone, but I still only orgasmed during sex that one time, and from that one time I know I'd gotten close to it before, and always pulled back from that feeling.

So, the upside to all that is that I basically live on my partner's schedule, I have about 3+ hours of stamina (with guy parts and musculature, anyway), and I'm completely focused on my partner's needs, all of which make me a good partner, but I still have trouble physically enjoying it myself.

I've only had sex outside of a relationship once, with a trans guy. We had candles and blindfolds for both of us and went for about two hours with breaks, and he gushed about it for days afterwards which made me feel really good about myself. After the last time with him I think I stretched and said something like "I am the queen of dicks" to make him laugh, and then we cuddled and chatted for another half hour, which was easily my favorite part of the whole experience. I live for the intimate post-sex cuddle.

[SeptagonScars]

For me, sex before transition did have its moments but I was very torn about how it related to my body. I was fine with my genitals and using them for sex, but hated having my chest touched and being viewed as a woman by partners. I often didn't know when it was consensual or not (and I still don't), and was very confused about what I wanted. It didn't help my confusion that my first boyfriend was abusive and fantastic in bed at the same time.

I came out shortly after I had broke up with him. After a lot of contemplating bottom surgery for many years thereafter, I did eventually decide to keep my genitals as they were when I went through my transition with hrt and top surgery, so I can't give insight on sex post bottom op.

However I went from first being fine with having a vag and using it for sex, to then not being fine with it, having lots of dysphoria and not wanting to use it for sex. And then flipped again to being more fine with it than ever, quite recently. That newfound peace made my sex life a lot better again, and on the trans aspect I really can't complain at all. I feel liberated and connected to my body. So yeah, now I'd definitely say sex is a lot more meaningful and pleasurable for me. However I still have the trauma aspect to deal with separately.

I'm gay so I only have (and want to have) sex with men, but yeah I do often feel like the sex I have with them is "straight sex" even if we're both two gay men having it. It messes with my mind a bit, but at the end of the day it's just sex and what matters is that it's enjoyed by everyone involved. Then if it's "gay" or "straight" in the technical sense I don't think I should get myself too hung up on.

Also, I never imagine myself having a dick for sex, it does nothing for me. I don't think I really want one. But I could also never imagine myself as a woman in any sense. I'm always a man in my mind, regardless of my genitals or what I do with them.

[Laurel D]

I can't speak about sex after surgery. Sex before was scary, uncomfortable and although my body liked the physical release , my mind did not.

What I did like was the personal connection.

The end result was a very inconsistent sex life, despite have three long term relationships. ( And those are the only people I have been with.)

Finally after the last time I had sex. That all came to an end. I was constantly apologizing ( because I always felt like I was bad at it), and she said if I keep saying sorry , that she would never have sex with me again. I was actually fine with that.

I came out to her first two months later. By then we haven't been intimate for two months. It has now been a year.

My sex drive was already lagging before. It's pretty much dead now. I don't want to use parts that I don't even want. Especially in that way ( as a top.)

My marriage is pretty much over now, I would be content to never have sex again. But I miss just one thing......

I want someone to make me feel special and beautiful . I want someone to want me. Which is crazy because that will never happen. .

But at least I have a better relationship with myself, now that I am able to be myself.




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[SadieBlake]

t changed a lot over the years. Realizing I'm trans resulted in 15 years of exploration leading up to the time I realized I needed to at least consider GCS. Along the way I slowly moved toward a more feminine sexuality -- slower more sensual play, multiple orgasms. I had always been obsessive about sex and that stayed true until i began HRT, however from the time I realized I was trans, I  quickly lost any sense of shame about being sexual.

For a long time I was fully able to more or less have sex that was very penis-centered, and simply addressed my dysphoria by always cross dressing femme for sex. As I addressed my need to medically transition, that changed radically. I learned I could extend orgasm into 15-30 minutes of multiple orgasms.

Here is where HRT made a huge difference. After my libido returned at maybe the 7 month mark on E (and starting progesterone),  the same thing would happen, however it was different, before, I had to keep a pretty sharp focus to avoid ejaculation because that would end the process, dropping me into post-orgasm pleasure and refractory period. With HRT However, I was surprised to find that that simply became easier, I could go on and on and the only reason ever to stop was more a matter of fatigue.

So sexuality has been positive all the time I've realized I was trans and even before that, I certainly enjoyed it, I also didn't understand what I needed very well and so satisfaction was elusive. I became far more connected to my partner also and post-GCS, while I'm yet to get to orgasm, I still find sex is way more satisfying with a vagina than it ever was before with a <shenis>.

Surprisingly, and maybe this shouldn't have been a surprise, having a vagina has had a huge effect. I often can't get over how well everything just fits now. It's not something I can really put into words, I'm simply glad it all works now.