What am I?

[Danielle Kristina]

Something that has puzzled me since coming to terms with being trans is am I a man who wants to be a woman or am I a woman born in the wrong body.  I have asked myself this a hundred times and honestly I don't know the answer.  Has anybody else asked themselves this question (same question in reverse if FTM)?

[Devlyn]

I'm not a man or a woman. Maybe you fall in this range, too. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Amaki]

thats the type of questions I ask myself a lot also, there is no clear answer. For me I do feel like Im a women born in the wrong body but yeah

[KathyLauren]

Something that has puzzled me since coming to terms with being trans is am I a man who wants to be a woman or am I a woman born in the wrong body.  I have asked myself this a hundred times and honestly I don't know the answer.  Has anybody else asked themselves this question (same question in reverse of FTM)?

What you are is something that only you can decide.

What makes it confusing is that being a woman trapped in a man's body often feels like being a man who wants to be a woman.  My experience, and I have heard the same thing from others too, is that being a man or being a woman doesn't feel like anything at all.  The only thing we feel like, growing up, is me.

Biologists are more convinced all the time that being transgender is something we are born as. 

I was never a "biological male".  I may have had a body that resembled a cis male's body, but I was born as a trans female.  That felt like me.  My parents told me that I was male, and I believed them, but they were wrong.

So even though I felt like a man who wanted to be a woman, and I phrased it that way in my thoughts, I know now that I was in fact a woman all along.

At least that is how I look at it.

[Dena]

When I transitioned, we had 3 theories as to why were transgender.
1. It was environmental due to how we were raised.
2. It was genetic.
3. it was a difference in our brain.
I puzzled over it for a long time because not knowing left the door open to the possibly that I would regret my transition. I finally decided it didn't really matter much what caused it because I needed to deal with the feelings I had and what caused them really wasn't important. I finally found my answer about 3 years ago by accident while reviewing posts on this site and I was correct. In the end it really didn't matter what caused it.

My advise to you is don't become distracted by questions like this because the answer is more a matter of personal opinion. We know your brain is feminine and we know you will continue to feel the way you do unless you find what makes you comfortable with yourself so put your efforts into finding happiness and don't over think it.

[Danielle Kristina]

Thank you all, you have really helped me put this into perspective.  Since accepting myself as transgender, my self-exploration has brought up a whole bunch of identity questions.  I thought I knew myself, but the more I learn about me the more I realize I don't know me as well as I think I do.

[pamelatransuk]

Your avatar shows words that are so accurate applying to most of us and I am sure accurate for you.

Wishing you happiness on your journey.

Hugs

Pamela

[Tatiana 79]

 Hello Danielle
I think you're so correct stating that the more you know about something the more you realize that you don't know much about it.
But never stop trying to understand yourself better through research or therapy or any means available because you might find something there because it does happen and it happened to me when I stumbled across DES.
It provided me with the aha moment of a lifetime that provided me with a neat tidy explanation to what happened to me as I believe I was exposed to it in my mother's womb.
Once understanding this I was absolutely convinced this is what happened to me which is really very simple unlike other cases that are not.
Ever since that moment I have been very different knowing that this theory is fact and has been proven with science.
My older sister who is a psychologist has always preached to me that if we understand our problems thoroughly our mind and body will start acting to rectify the situation. I can honestly say this is true because it happened to me and is the reason why I joined Susan's and am talking to you right now as a direct result of that  extremely powerful realization.
When I was developing in my mom's womb the DES interrupted testosterone flow to my developing brain even though my genetic blueprint for the rest of my body turned out perfectly male but with a female brain.
This is why I think my case is relatively simple compared to most.

I also agree with Pamela about the words on your avatar. Let's just assume that you have a female brain in a male body and it's getting T instead of E at some point this disharmony will cause issues or like me to just break down it's like running your car on crappy gasoline it'll run for a while but at some point it will catch up with you and cause problems.
It's really irrelevant what caused the main problem because you are here now  and have to play the hand you're dealt the best you can.
Our brain is so complex it's like trying to understand the universe the more things you learn only lead to more questions.
When I asked my psychiatrist if we even know one tenth of 1% of all there is to know about brain function she immediately said no. I think we're just now starting to scratch at the surface of this enigma.
We're not freaks nor weirdos we merely have a medical condition that exceeds our current state of knowledge but someday probably far off in the future it will be much more understood and not different than other diseases that are well-known.
I'm so glad that you accept yourself as a hundred percent trans because now you have a means of combating it and minimizing it's effects.
Never stop your self exploration and doing research, like they say knowledge is power and I hope it leads you down the path to your well being.
I really hope some of this might be of use to you
   Love Tatiana