Ideas on why I feel the way I do

[Lynn42]

So, I,ll start with some context. I'm 25 and presenting as a male, and I've realized that I need to address some issues that are in the back of my head. I have not sought out a therapist or anything yet. I've fantasized about being a woman and somehow magically if I wore woman's clothes and slept with them on or wore them for a certain amount of time that I would become the opposite sex. haha, Obviously that is not the case. I recently opened up to someone about these feelings. I feel bad because I constantly talk about it, like I need some verification. The other thing that's always on my mind is dating. I really desire to have an intimate, emotional relation with someone who I get along with and trust. I have not had much success in this area. Also I have been working night shift for about two years so I don't get out much. I guess I'm lonely in a sense.

This is where my main question comes in. Am I just lacking social, romantic and emotional connections. Perhaps feeling "girly" is a way to gain attention and cope with what I want. It's an idea. would love for some input !

[DustKitten]

Have you tried cross-dressing, or doing other things to feminize yourself a little, like shaving your legs? If you are transgender, those sorts of things would probably help with dysphoria and make you feel better about yourself, and if not, you may find it to your liking anyway. Take your time, there's no rush. Imagine yourself as female: think about what your name would be, how you'd look, how people would treat you (good and bad). Try to remember if you've ever felt out-of-place in your body or as your gender in the past. Seeing a therapist would be a good idea, too.

One other small thing (and this is completely my own opinion): most cis guys aren't looking for "someone they can trust." That was always one of my criteria for potential romantic partners, too, because I needed someone who could accept that I had a strong feminine side without judging me for it.

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Lynn,

I don't think you're alone with these feelings.
I too had a fantasy similar to yours but it occurred in the first grade I was just wondering when you first realize that's something was wrong and you felt the opposite sex in your head.?

I personally don't think you're using your girly situation to think that it can replace a real girl.
Be patient my friend there is someone for everyone on this planet it's just meeting up that's the trick.
I'm sure in time you will meet someone appropriate to your lifestyle.
I know that it is possible to find someone that loves you for the real you. I personally have been married for 38 years and get total support for transition and just doing a lot of RLE
On my property. Just last night my wife and I had a real good time as two girls.
I believe the right girl for you will present herself eventually

Best wishes for your future  love Tatiana

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Lynn.  I can't tell from what you posted if you are transgender, but those feelings are quite typical among those who turn out to be trans.  So it would be a good idea to check them out with a therapist, if only for your own peace of mind.

I too fantasized about being a woman, and I eventually found some comfort in cross-dressing.  And, like you, I always had difficulty in forming relationships.  I didn't have the mental programming to socialize as a man, and I didn't have the experience to socialize as a woman, so I didn't socialize much at all.  And now, as I transition in my sixties, I find that it is all related.

I think it is something that you should explore.

[annaleaver]

So, I,ll start with some context. I'm 25 and presenting as a male, and I've realized that I need to address some issues that are in the back of my head. I have not sought out a therapist or anything yet. I've fantasized about being a woman and somehow magically if I wore woman's clothes and slept with them on or wore them for a certain amount of time that I would become the opposite sex. haha, Obviously that is not the case. I recently opened up to someone about these feelings. I feel bad because I constantly talk about it, like I need some verification. The other thing that's always on my mind is dating. I really desire to have an intimate, emotional relation with someone who I get along with and trust. I have not had much success in this area. Also I have been working night shift for about two years so I don't get out much. I guess I'm lonely in a sense.

This is where my main question comes in. Am I just lacking social, romantic and emotional connections. Perhaps feeling "girly" is a way to gain attention and cope with what I want. It's an idea. would love for some input !

Going to your GP and finding a consultant is probably the best starting point, regarding the relationship question, it's rarely a matter of having a checklist and ticking off the qualities and attributes you desire...small things like going out and talking to people help, I know it's difficult when you're constantly insecure regarding the conflicting feelings you have towards social attitudes and gender dysphoria. I can't really help more than that

[Lynn42]

Thank you so much!

I will say that I cross dress a lot! I've had feelings like this since I was 11 or 12 its hard to trace it back. Honestly, its very confusing this whole thing. sounds stupid, but I've been wearing girls clothes under my work clothes for about two weeks and I've been shaving my body, it feels nice. Also! I started "tucking" with some medical tape, it's very cool to put on underwear no hassle and things don't pop out. I went to the beach this weekend and wore a bikini under my clothes. wish I didn't have to wear the clothes over it. haha.

All in all, I'm just trying to figure this thing out! It feels so weird! I've started talking to friends about it. that in its self is hard, but its helped me to reach out!

I try to condense this the best I can! There is so much I can ramble about!

Thank you all again!

[Danielle Kristina]

Hi Lynn, your feelings are not unusual.  First of all, I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist who deals with transgender people, even if for now you don't believe yourself to be trans.  At first I thought I was a cross dresser who couldn't stop dressing.  Through therapy and meeting people here with similar experiences I came to find out that I'm transgender.  Maybe you are too, but then maybe not.  Only you can know for sure and that will take self-exploration.

This may sound funny, but in many ways you're telling my story.  I've gone through just about the same things as you are.  I haven't begun to transition yet, but I can say that therapy and sharing here on the forum helps me come to know and love myself for who I am.

Hugs!!!

[Eryn T]

Hey, Lynn!

I'm really glad to hear you're taking those smaller steps to really find out your own feelings! 

I can understand that fear of just doing something for attention, or to enable attention, and I think honestly, that is a big part of my own transition. Moreso because I could not access my emotions at all, but I wanted to, for whatever reason they were locked behind a door with Eryn on the other side.

When I first started my transition, I didn't fully consider anything beyond stroking(literally) my own perverted fantasies, but now it's so much more than that, and sexual things are pushed to the back of my mind. Which, again, is quite ironic because they were at the forefront of my male mind lol

I kept my distance from anyone in real life, one of my biggest triggers was anyone ever actually seeing my face, but deep down, I wanted to make that connection with others. That is a natural human thing, human beings are social animals, after all.  Even if you consider yourself an introvert, I doubt you want to be completely isolated. And it's VERY important to have a social circle that validates and supports you throughout your journey, too.

So, again, for me it started with my perversion, but each day or every other day, I tried something new to feminize myself, and I found that each new thing brought me more joy and an inner calm, that I knew I wasn't just doing this for attention or for others. Really, this was the first time in my life that I was doing something solely for myself. And what's cool, I think, is even though you may not being doing this for others, it does help you as a social animal, to be able to already connect with so many others in our community on topics of likes, dislikes, emotional or social issues, dysphoria, etc. 

This is YOUR journey of discovery, you won't be alone, but only you can truly know what makes you happy, hun.


I highly recommend seeing a therapist, too. 

[Lynn42]

Everyone's insight helps so much! I took a breath and realized, I don't need to over think this. I'm going to take some time to do what I like and makes me happy!