I Have a Question

[DEATH13]

Thank you so much for your reply KathyLauren, it really helps (:

[krobinson103]

I knew at the age of 12-13 but really didn't process it till I was 43! So my answer would be, you are never too old.

[LizK]

I knew something was "wrong " when I was about 5 and couldn't shake the idea I was female despite the evidence before me. I was about 8-9 when I first dressed...I was 12-13 by the time I realised I was trans...I fought relentlessly against it only to succumb at 18,36 and then finally at age 52 Instead of fighting I embraced my being trans...I have never been happier. 

I hope you are able to move forward despite what you Mum says.

Take Care
Liz


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[Another Nikki]

I'd say I was four or five although I didn't learn the word transgendered until I was in my late 20's.

There was GREAT article someone posted on here, I wish I could find it for you. It was about the suspected causes of gender dysphoria. The hypothesis was that MtF people seemed to come in two categories, depending on what happened during their development in utero. The first category is those who come out and know at a very early age that they were born in the wrong body. Often they INSIST they are girls and take up girl interests. Sadly in our culture that all to often does not go over well. The second category is the one I identified with and perhaps you may as well, and that is those who realize a little later. Usually we make do and fake it as our assigned gender at birth for a certain period of time, until such point where it is unbearable.

Not sure it that helps. If I can find the article I will post a link. In the meantime, in my opinion, rule number one is please be kind to yourself! 

http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

[DEATH13]

Thanks for the link Nikki!

[Kylo]

Mid 30s. But I knew something was up when I was a kid.

There's a difference between knowing exactly what the problem is and just sensing a problem.

[meatwagon]

there were signs early on, but I had no way of knowing what they meant.  I didn't know transgender was even a thing, and I was raised in the kind of family where you aren't allowed or encouraged to question the things you were taught, or to explore anything outside the norm.  so the words "i think I want to be a boy" didn't come out until i was 14, in a private conversation with my cousin.  she was the first one to tell me such a thing was possible, but neither of us really knew anything about it.  I didn't learn any more about trans people until high school, and by that time I was deep in denial about everything regarding my gender and sexuality because of my family.  I was in my last year of high school when I told my boyfriend at the time that I didn't totally feel like a girl, and it didn't get brought up again until later in my 20s when we were married and I was finally coming to terms with myself and getting a better understanding of who I was after all the years of not being allowed to.  so it was my mid 20s when I realized I needed to transition.
point being there is no set age, and people don't always know, even when they do.

[Jessica_Rose]

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. I remember not wanting to be a boy about the time puberty arrived, I was probably around 11 - 12 years old. I have two older brothers, and I really did not know what the differences were then, but I knew something was not right. I would go to bed at night and pray that I would wake up in the morning as a girl. I lived most of my life thinking I was some sort of pervert, after all that is what everyone called males who liked women's clothing back in the 1970's. I would buy women's clothing whenever I could, I would rarely wear it, but for some reason it helped calm me. Around the age of 40 I had a strong desire to transition, but I was afraid of how it would affect my wife and young daughters so I buried it again. Finally in Dec 2016 at the age of 54 I realized my lifetime of anger and frustration had been caused by hiding my true self from everyone for decades. I decided then to begin my transition. My daily fits of anger are a thing of the past, my family still loves me, and all my friends are still my friends. I know that I made the right decision, but like so many others I wish I had done it sooner!

[Danielle Kristina]

I'm 37 and have only recently come to realize that I'm transgender.  I haven't started transitioning yet, but I am seeing a therapist who deals with trans people.  I have always wished I were a girl, though I didn't admit it to anyone, including me.  For years I thought I was just a cross-dresser, but in the last two months my feminine feelings and longings exploded to the point where I was no longer dressing for fun, but out of necessity.  Suddenly my dressing became as full time as I can get away with, not because I think it's amusing, but because I've been denying my true self.  I was scared when I found out that I might be transgender, but once I came to terms with it I began to make peace with it.  So here I am, starting my journey to the real me.

[DEATH13]

Thank you all for your input (:

[Sephirah]

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask at what age did you realize you were transgender? My mom says that I'm too old and that if I really was transgender I would have known a lot earlier. I started thinking about it when I was 13 and now I'm 19 and seriously considering it (I'm like 90% sure that I'm transgender but comments from my mom and others are making me doubt myself).

No. That's way too simplistic a view. It doesn't take into account how the human mind behaves. Knowing you don't feel "right" isn't the same thing as knowing why you don't feel right. It isn't the same thing at all. There are many, many people who have gone through a lot of their lives knowing they don't "fit in". That they aren't who the world thinks they are. But not why. And this can be down to a lot of reasons.

1. Denial. The mind is awesome at this. Pretend something isn't happening in the hopes it will go away. No matter how many facts one has at their disposal, burying ones head in the sand and hoping something goes away is usually the path of least resistance. And one the mind is drawn to readily.

2. Ignorance. Knowing what but not why. Admittedly this is less of a thing nowadays, with so much more knowledge available at the click of a mouse. But even so, there are some people, in some places, who don't have the information available to them to put a name to how they're feeling. And without knowing why, you don't know where to go from there. A lot of older people here unfortunately didn't have a name to put to what they were feeling, until they did. Had things been different... who knows. It doesn't change who they are. Only how long they took to take the steps to affect the change to be that person.

3. Persecution. This doesn't have to be personal. Seeing those around you behaving in such a way towards others, as you believe they would to you, were you to say anything, that can be a factor. Growing up in a place where any sort of self discovery and self identification is frowned upon can put you right back in your shell and make you scared to even admit it to yourself, much less others.

4. Low self-esteem. Not trusting your own feelings. Not being sure if the way you feel isn't just a desire to escape your life as it is, to what you wish it could be. This is something I struggled with personally. Depression. Sometimes it's easy to wish you were someone else, just to get away from all the hurt. Just to make it all stop. You don't realise that you not being able to be yourself is the cause of all that hurt.

5. Fear of how it affects others. It's a big change. It's a big change to everyone around you. Sometimes we can be scared of how they'll react. How it might throw their lives into turmoil. How they might react towards us. This doesn't have to be a conscious fear. It can be buried deep down. People can be scared to rock the boat. Deep down. Scared to... assert themselves.

There are probably other reasons I haven't thought of. And this isn't the case with everyone. There are people who know from when they're barely old enough to walk. And don't shy away from doing everything they can to make it known, no matter what. But that's them. It isn't you. And it doesn't have to be you. You have to take life at your own pace, sweetie. You know what you know, when you know. It's your life. Ultimately you are the only one who has control over it. So don't let other people try and guilt trip you into anything, okay?

I believe in you. *big hugs*