I'm doubting and it's killing me.

[WKinyobi]

So I've been transgender since I was about five, I finally got out of highschool last year and came out to my parents this year hoping to finally start with my transition with most supportive people I knew backing me. But unfortunately my expectations were set a bit to high.
They can't accept this you see and have forced me to not transition or do anything gender affirming even at home, till the end of the year. After about three months in doubt started to spread thru my mind, the feeling only lasts about an hour or two every few days  but the seem to to be getting worse, taking their toll on my emotions as they go. I don't know if it's because of what my parents are telling me I'm not or how I'll end up, seeing as  6,3 feet tall with feet and hands to match. It's all so confusing. So I was wandering if anybody else out there is feeling like this or has dealt with this before, and if anybody could give me any advice at all?


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[Johnni Gyrl]

First up: Sorry to hear.

Secondly: I think your parents are checking out that you're actually sure about it and serious too. By setting down this timescale they're just making sure it's not a phase. That's my hunch. at least. I actually know of a t-gyrl who dresses near enough full-time and her family think it's part of the Goth fashion and think she'll grow out of it eventually. So using goth/alternative/punk fashion might be a way to slowly introduce the changes to your family and friends over time. (Think Marilyn Manson, but obviously don't go that extreme overnight.)

Thirdly: Being the height and size you are may not necessarily be a bad thing, you'll be much less likely to be verbally abused or bullied, as has happened to many trans people. So you may lose out it terms of being petite & pretty, but gain in other areas instead. You can work on the pretty & feminine part in the long-term, as even the tallest guys have made successful transitions before.

Lastly: Good luck & don't let things get you down. I'm sure your family will come round in the end, even if it takes years. Just take it slowly and don't expect miracles too soon. You have to give them time to get their heads around it. I hope it all works out for you ;-)

[LucyEgo]

Don't doubt. You're said that you've known you're transgender since you were five. I'm guessing you feel peace with that because you know you're transgender. When someone places uncertainty on that you don't have peace, because someone is doubting who you are. You're transgender. Be true to who you are.

Don't give up.

[Gertrude]

Trans being a phase is laughable. Just because you're big, doesn't preclude it from being the case. Sounds like your parents need to be educated and you probably need to see a therapist that specializes in gender issues.


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[Laurie]

  Hi  WKinyobi,

  I'm Laurie, the wandering waif of Susan's Place. I see that you are new here. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.  Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

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[Dena]

Yes, I probably felt that way around the late 1970's though you tower over me by a full one inch. I decided to transition anyway and you know what? Nobody really noticed or if they did, they didn't say anything about it. The other interesting things is that women seem to be growing a bit taller lately. I once towered over all women and most men but more and more I am seeing eye to eye with many more people. Another interesting fact is neither of us are the tallest members on the site. There are others who have several inches on both of us. The best advice is don't worry about it and go full steam ahead. At some point you'll look back and see there was nothing to worry about.

[WKinyobi]

Thank you all for the feedback, it really made me feel better and made my week. And thank you Laurie for the welcome. I'll be sure to check out the introduction forum.

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[Sno]

Oh hon. Have a big hug.

I'm guessing that you're still at home, where the folks have easy access to you and ability to promote their ideas for you. It takes courage to be yourself. It's far easier to conform, especially when we are trained to. It does not mean that we will be happy or lead fulfilled lives - i can write the book on what not to do, after my 30 odd years of sort-of knowing, but allowing ongoing abuse of my personal boundaries, because they are my parents. As someone safely said to me once, if no one gets hurt in any way, and the law is abided by, then do it. It's far easier to apologise if you have regrets, and if you have none, then be proud of working out a little more of who you are.

What ever you decide, we are here, and do understand.


Rowan