I'm out here, stealth there, lesbian everywhere ARGH!

[Ms Bev]

Marcy and I have befriended a very nice woman about six months ago, who sees us as natal females, lesbian, partnered, and with children.  Lots of short conversations, we see her every week in a service capacity, but she is becoming more relaxed and friendly, I am sure in a friends-only way.  She talks to us about her problems in her common law marriage, and talks about her abusive husband, and about leaving him.  We talk about our kids, and the logistics of living in a crowded house.

She has come to a point now, that she is starting to hint at how this all fits together.....two women, children, grandchildren.  I guess the question I have is, how should we respond to any potential questions of motherhood, fatherhood, etc? 

This happened in another situation with me at work, when a female customer asked me about my husband.  I told her I had a partner.  She thought that was wonderful, and asked if we adopted.  "No.....", I told her, "we didn't adopt" (pause) "Our kids have two moms".
I could never have guessed what her response would be, but she immediately threw her arms around me, gave me a long, swaying bear hug, stepped back, and said "that is just so...AWESOME! Two mommies!  What better way to raise children".  Pretty cool.  Someone I will probably never see again.

The first woman I started talking about, is a different story.  We will see her time and time again, each time getting to know more and more about each other.  I guess my worry is, coming out to her at some point, and possibly jeopardizing a friendship, though a minor friendship. One of the things that comes with being semi-stealth in some parts of my life, and totally out in others.  Sigh.
Any ideas how to handle questions?

[tekla]

Two mommies!  What better way to raise children

I know a lot of couples in SF who would answer, 'having two daddies."

Sexist.

[Ms Bev]

Two mommies!  What better way to raise children

I know a lot of couple in SF who would answer, 'having two daddies."

Sexist.

Yep...guess she was.

[tekla]

What any, and all kids need, is two loving parents who want to parent (rather than 'being a buddy') gender is not relevant.  Even Lee Harvey Oswald and Chuck Manson had mothers.

[Cindi Jones]

I believe that children need to be loved.  Did I put a period on the end there?

Lot's of families only have one parent. I believe that children with two loving parents are especially fortunate.

BTW, I thought your answer with two mothers was absolutely right on the mark.  Put it up front and in their face. They'll not take it any further.

Cindi

[mickiejr1815]

tbh, i'm still waiting to see what happens, because my sis says my daughter needs a daddy, not two mommies, but at present my wife doesn't want that, and i tell everyone so far, i'm still daddy and everyone's been ok with that, guess i'm a little different. i'm not sure what to say in some situations either because she says she can't stay married to me while i legally become female. but i hope that changes because i love her to death, she shouldn't be so worried as how the world sees us, all that should matter is how she sees us.


Best Wishes,
Warrior Princess,
Mickie

[Constance]

Your story, Beverly, relates to a discussion my wife and I had yesterday.

She contends that there are not degrees of "out-ness." If one is in any way public about one's sexuality and/or gender identity, then one is out. Period.

I content that the opposite is true. Yes, if one is out in public there is the fact that one will be observed. But, that doesn't change the fact (to me at least) that there are degrees of out-ness.

My wife and kids know that I'm bi, and a handful of my friends do, too. But, most of my relatives & friends don't know. So, I'm not completely out. Likewise, few if any people know of my crossdressing. So agian, I'm not all that out. To me, there are degrees. Even if I were to go out crossdressed, I feel like I still would not be truly "out" to someone unless I told them.

What do you all think?

[Ms Bev]

Your story, Beverly, relates to a discussion my wife and I had yesterday.

She contends that there are not degrees of "out-ness." If one is in any way public about one's sexuality and/or gender identity, then one is out. Period.

I content that the opposite is true. Yes, if one is out in public there is the fact that one will be observed. But, that doesn't change the fact (to me at least) that there are degrees of out-ness.

My wife and kids know that I'm bi, and a handful of my friends do, too. But, most of my relatives & friends don't know. So, I'm not completely out. Likewise, few if any people know of my crossdressing. So agian, I'm not all that out. To me, there are degrees. Even if I were to go out crossdressed, I feel like I still would not be truly "out" to someone unless I told them.

What do you all think?

I think you're right. You are 'out' to those you choose to be out to, although there is always the risk that the knowledge may spread, so in a small way, yeah, she's kinda right.  I choose to be out everywhere in regard to my orientation; I never hide it.  But my gender....that's different.  I am out as TS only to those who knew me 'before'

Bev

Posted on: May 01, 2008, 06:36:08 PM

What any, and all kids need, is two loving parents who want to parent (rather than 'being a buddy') gender is not relevant.  Even Lee Harvey Oswald and Chuck Manson had mothers.

Actually, this thread asked a question that was about new friendships, and how to handle information.  I never said two mommies were better.....it was a quote.
Also, don't forget....  Lee Oswald and Charlie Manson had DADDIES, too. 
Somehow those kinds of statements are, well.....just dumb.  Sorry.

So, anyone have any ideas about the friendships part of this?

Bev

[Laura Eva B]

Sorry that I just can't identify ....

Least of all with that "lesbian" thing !!!

Sheeesh ...... am I really so sooo different ? ...  ...

Laura x

[Ms Bev]

Sorry that I just can't identify ....

Least of all with that "lesbian" thing !!!

Sheeesh ...... am I really so sooo different ? ...  ...

Laura x

No, I don't think so.  You seem like many other ordinary people.  Just remember that ordinary people, including ts people, are comprised of hetero, gay, and bi folk.  I think among  the hardest things to understand are ts people who suddenly become somewhat blind to the spectrum, not only of gender, but of orientation. 

But I am glad so many of us are accepting of things they cannot change; have the courage to change the things they can (as long as it's not me), and the wisdom to know the difference ...

I've always respected those with such tolerance.

Bev

[Robin_p]

Here is my two cents...

Just go be a Friend.