Do you feel like you've actually "changed" since transitioning?

[pamelatransuk]

I just started all of this a month ago and im not even remotely out yet, but therapy has really opened my mind and really returned my confidence, before I was literally coasting through life with no purpose, going through the motions without any real reason. Now I feel Like I have a reason, a goal, something that can take me out of this false life into a more real one. Im still me, i still enjoying all the stuff i like to do, but now I actually FEEL like im enjoying it instead of being dead on the inside thinking I should be enjoying this.

Its changed me for the better I think and i've only taken a few steps on this thousand mile journey.

This sums it up for me although I started 8 months ago with therapy and then HRT 4 months ago.

Previously I was just existing just letting each day pass with no purpose and suffering depression primarily due to living a false life.

I feel I am changing gradually which I accept. I have more interest in life in general, am more relaxed, have less aggravation and emotionally and socially a better person.

I am beginning to live!

Pamela

[OutsideMe]

Physically, yes. Mentally, no too sure.

I was never emotional, fairly lazy, and a pretty anti-social homebody. Now I find myself getting happy and sad tears every once in a while. I am still pretty lazy. And also still the anti-social homebody. I still play with the same toys (LEGO nerd), and I still enjoy working on cars.

I have been on HRT for 5 months. And out to friends and family for over 8 months.

I feel as I am holding back changes due to not being full time. I am not out at work. That is the last step to being full time. I have a masculine career that I enjoy. There are females in my line of work, but they are few and far between.

I am still waiting for the "flood gate" moment of change. So far it has only been a trickle.

[Cindi Lane]

This is something I very often feel. I often feel like I am the same exact person I have always been, but transitioning allowed me to gain more things that I did not have before.
For the most part I am still unhappy, but there are things I have to be grateful for and things to be proud of as well. I was wondering if anyone else here feels the same way?

I have gone through many steps in my transition to living full time as the woman I am now.

What I am at my core is a superset of what I was before. [This diagram is from Wikipedia's page on Subset https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subset]

The person I am now (B) does include the person I allowed myself and others to see when I constrained my life to presenting and behaving as a male (A) in public.  Transition has enabled me to expand who I am and how I experience the world, so (B) is now much larger than it was before transition. I have changed and discarded some of my past behaviors as part of my transition, mostly ones that existed to support male presentation and fitting into male patterns of behavior.

I truly feel like I'm on my second life journey. My plans to transition at work (in 2017) were discarded after I received a very good early retirement bonus offer in June of 2016. So I retired and started the last major step in my transition (living 24/7).

I am enjoying life more now than I ever have. I truly feel that I am living in the best time of my life.
  Is life perfect?  __LL NO!
  Is it wonderful? Absolutely Yes!

I choose to be visible in the world and I accept that my stature will distinguish me from 99% of the females. I have the body of an out of shape retired football player (~6'4",  barrel chest, wide shoulders, hips smaller than shoulders and more than 300 lbs of mass). I can't even hide in a women's basket ball team   Like it or not, I am a Transgender Woman that must be an activist (no bull horn or signs needed) because I choose to be active in the world and I do stand out.

I still enjoy most of the hobbies and activities that I enjoyed previously. I now enjoy additional activities and I have changed the priority of my activities.  Being social and conversing or doing activities together with other people is now at a much higher priority than hobbies and activities that I do by myself. Reaching out to other transgender people and couples in my area is especially important to me now.

I have made the choice to seek out the positive in my life. I am working to get back into practicing Mindfulness which I find really helps me deal with various challenges that I face. I'm quickly approaching 62 and the male side of my lineage is not known for longevity, so I am working on improving my health (I actually care about living now) and try to find some joy in each day.

I have been very fortunate and I am grateful that all of my friends have accepted my choice and many have stated they like the "new" me even better.  Last Year my wife and I renewed our Wedding Vows where she took me as her wife in front of our friends and many of the Esprit Conference attendees. We have been together for 40 years and have now been married for 28 years.

-Cindi

[Lady Love]

I felt like this as well. I grew and changed throughout my entire life and that I'd what lead me to realizing I am transgender. The assumptions and ideas about myself are what changed, and in shedding this I have changed. My interaction and expression has changed. But formative experiences and personality traits have stayed stable.

Have I really changed who I am? No. Have I stopped pretending to be who I'm not? Yes. There in lies the power of transition for me. Stopping the hiding and pretending. Even if no one else accepts me for who I know I am it doesn't matter.

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