2 years full time and a new direction

[HappyMoni]

Hi all,
   Today is my 2 year anniversary being full time. Two years since I presented male. I have learned so much in that time. I am still learning. In fact, after a long conversation with my partner tonight, I realize I need to make another leap in how I view things. I have a tremendous amount of letting go and self accepting to do still. I need to change my focus in some important ways. For a while now I have not felt like I am really connecting well with people on Susan's. I am not really sure why. I have issues that I need to think long and hard about. My whole life, my sexual life has been a mess due to gender issues. That is the most messed up part of things for me right now to be honest. My coming breast surgery will be a major psychological test for me. I think I need to gear down here and maybe start to journal again. This is a wonderful place, and I won't disappear, but I sometimes get on  and lose myself when I should be directing myself to be a better woman. I don't know why I feel the need to write this other than to speak to those who might wonder. Now I need to see if the chick can actually stay out from the nest. This place is addictive. See you in the funny papers.
Moni
Oh, hot flash, wow! Got to love em. lol

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear Moni:  Thank you for sharing from your heart.

Congratulations on your 2 years being full time...  isn't it great!!!
I have been found time for over 1 1/2 years since Dec 2016 and have never "looked back"

Wishing you well with what is coming next for you.
Please continue to keep your followers updated as events happen.
Hugs and happiness,
Danielle

[SailorMars1994]

Moni, every day i come to Susan's and happen to catch a post from you, you amaze me. You amaze me each day with your strength,. Resilience , compassion and massive heart. You're litterly a fountain of femininity. And people do look up to you and cherish. Youn may have a road to go, heck I'm still on a similar road in other regards but you have a whole family here on Susan's rooting for you every step of the way.
Love ya sis

-Your girls, the one  from Petawawa ^.^ <3

[Laurie]

Now you listen here Miss Monica, you are not getting away from me that easily. I know where you live ...
  First things first. Congratulations on your 2 year mile post. That's a good stretch of time and Ann should be commended for it.
  Secondly, if you stay away  too long you best have a clean refrigerator top ready for when I come hunt you down. I am going to be keeping tabs on you lady. You mark my words.

Love ya Hunt.

Hugs,
   Laurie

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[Cindy]

My dear Monica,

Only 2 years!
Congratulations!

Now the real work starts

Take a break and a walk around. Maybe sit in a quiet place and contemplate; for some reason fridge tops seem to be popular in the USA for some weird reason.

But remember the rules of the Hotel

'You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'

Love and Hugs and keep safe

Cindy

[LizK]

Wow Moni you have accomplished so much in two years...Congratulations...you have everything to be proud of.

This is a nicer place for having you around...so you cant go anywhere anyway!!!!

Take care

Liz


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[SadieBlake]

Good for you Moni, hugz and best wishes for your journaling.

❤️❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❤️❤️

[KathyLauren]

Moni, getting to be yourself is what this journey ia all about.  And that is true in real life more so than on a forum, so I totally understand your need to concentrate on that side.

Good luck on your upcoming surgery.

Congratulations on your two-year anniversary of being full-time!  That period of time is significant to me, because it was two years ago tomorrow that I came out to my wife, largely due to your gentle persuasion and pressure.  I don't think I could have done it without your help.  So, a big "thank you" from me!

I wish you well on your journey, wherever it takes you.  I will be happy to see you any time our paths cross.

Hugs!
Kathy

[HappyMoni]

Love you all.  XOXO

[Megan.]

2 years, how time flies!

Firstly, congrats on the anniversary.

Secondly,  you come first; if you need to focus on yourself and life away from here, then you should absolutely do that.

Thirdly, make sure this is not a permanent departure. I've also cut down my time spent here as life has shifted my focus and priorities, but don't make me threaten you with a Laurie!

All the best with love and life. See you round. X

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[Gail20]

Congratulations.  While you've been working to find your place you've made our transitions much easier.  Thank you for sharing and caring. . . hope you find what you need . . . XO

[nikkiannukts]

Moni,

Simply,  Thanks for being an inspiration to those of us starting the journey.

Please don't be a stranger for too long,  I am sure most will agree with me when I say that you make this place much better with your contributions.

I wish you well in the next phase of your journey.

Travel well,

Nikki
x

[Rachel]

Hi Monica,

Congratulations on the two year anniversary and congratulations on the hair graphs. Hair takes a while to grow in but it is so worth it.

After I had my BA Dr. McGinn was inspecting my breasts. She said to me you are still in transition and have some things to figure out yet. I have shared with them some of the similar issues you stated.

I have filled every second of every day for many many years with distractions. Alcohol, pills, family, work and dysphoria. Then transition came into my life. I went from wanting and needing to doing and becoming. Each step forward I took I was becoming me and losing my old identity.

Before each step I did a time out (safety behaviors are ingrained in me). I would say to myself there is no turning back are you sure. I would think and come back with yes I am sure. When My hair grew in and I had my BA I always get gendered correctly. More importantly I see myself differently. I am not becoming someone I have arrived. I am me. That person I wanted to be I am.

Sexuality is different than gender and yet intertwined. I am afraid to experience sex. I am afraid to be with a guy and I want to. I guess I am still in transition and have yet to let myself be free. Free of my inhibitions and free of being with a strong male and not knowing how I will be treated.

I have had offers from guys and looks and guys wanting to talk to me and hitting on me but I run away (figuratively). I guess for me, I am working on figuring out what I want with my therapist. I do know I want a friend that loves me for being me. Wants to hold hands and show affection appropriately in public and respects me, yet desires me. I want a person the wants to be with me and is not ashamed of me. I do not know if that is sexuality or identity or a combination of both.

We are hear for you and I hope you share your fears and triumphs. I purposely limit my time on Susan's so as to use it as support. There was a time I needed it every day and now I need it less. However, you need us we are here for you.