Can "true" gender dysphoria start at a late age ?

[Very Confused Need Help]

At 24 now, these feelings started either late teens or early twenties for me. I mentioned them in a previous thread but this aspect was so notable it needed focus. When I hear others, via YouTube and TV interviews, about how it started when they were like age 3, 4, 5, I wonder of I really have gender dysphoria. Trying to rule out any other options. Is there any reason why "a man would suddenly start want to be a woman" for ANY other reason than gender dysphoria ? I don't even know how to ask. I'm not looking at alternatives to convince myself I'm not trans. That's not it. I'm truly confused.

[Dena]

It can be any age. I first knew at 13 however there were indication I was different well before that. We have members who became aware at age 50 and 60. Discovering when your older doesn't make you less of a transgender. It just means you were able to deny the truth better than others or you were able to create an illusion that prevented your dysphoria from being noticeable.

Be careful when you look at youtube because anybody can post anything, true or not. The only link I normally give out is "the transition channel" because it mirrors what I learned in therapy many years ago. Had I found false information in there, I wouldn't give out the link or I would put a disclaimer on it.

[Jessica]

I myself knew something was afoot when I was in my teens, but with no avenue for anything to create that into a reality, I sucked it up and continued my life the best I could.  Only after the change in my healthcare options that I pursued my dream....at 61

Hugs and smiles, Jessica

[Michelle_P]

I knew I was 'different' from an early age, around 5-6 from what I can recall.  There was a desire to be a girl there, and I initially thought that maybe my body was a bit like a tadpole, and that little unwanted bit would shrink away.

The dysphoria that I knew my adult life kicked in around age 16 when puberty was induced via testosterone injections as part of my 'cure'.  It recurred in waves, becoming stronger as I grew older.

[krobinson103]

I knew I HAD to do something in my early 40's so yes it can. I knew before of course but I was able to manage the low level dysphoria.

[Jayne01]

At 24 now, these feelings started either late teens or early twenties for me. I mentioned them in a previous thread but this aspect was so notable it needed focus. When I hear others, via YouTube and TV interviews, about how it started when they were like age 3, 4, 5, I wonder of I really have gender dysphoria. Trying to rule out any other options. Is there any reason why "a man would suddenly start want to be a woman" for ANY other reason than gender dysphoria ? I don't even know how to ask. I'm not looking at alternatives to convince myself I'm not trans. That's not it. I'm truly confused.

I didn't know until I was 43. It came as a complete shock to me and took me 2 solid years of intense therapy to understand and accept that I am infact transgender. Prior to that, I thought I was like any other guy. I grew up in an environment were "those" feelings were not treated as being normal.

Now that I am fully accepting of who I am, nearly 10 months on HRT and living part time  as my true self, my mind has cleared and I am starting to have many of my childhood memories resurface after being suppressed for so many years. So in hindsight, I can now see that there were clues to who I really am dating back to my early childhood, but I never knew it at the time.

Learning about other people's experience through forums, YouTube or tv can be helpful, but keep in mind that we are all individuals, those stories don't necessarily reflect our own. There is no right or wrong time for these feelings to surface. They surface when they surface, then we figure out how to deal with them. If you haven't already done so, I would highly recommend finding a therapist who has experience with gender issues. They will be able to help you explore your feelings and lessen your confusion.

Hugs,
Jayne

[FreyjaValkyrie]

I understand your confusion.  I struggle with a lot of the same questions.  I'm 32 right now and this is the year that it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I think,and this is pure conjecture based on my own experience, that it's there from an early age, but social circumstances and your own level of personal introspection and ownership can determine when it sort of falls into place for you.  I was brought up strictly Christian, with hard lined gender roles and norms, but I was also forbidden from doing most of the things boys my own age did, line sports, under the belief it would make me aggressive (let that be a lesson to you parents.  What you deny, consumes).  In other words, in the strictness of my childhood, there wasn't room for even the idea of deviation.  It wasn't until I left that environment that I was able to even think for myself.  There is so much more to the story than just the gender dysphoria.  There are a thousand background factors to consider.  Don't feel bad to find yourself in your twenties.  The mountain is the same No matter how long it takes you to climb it.

Keep fighting,
Freyja

Sent from my LG-H830 using Tapatalk

[KathyLauren]

When I hear others, via YouTube and TV interviews, about how it started when they were like age 3, 4, 5, I wonder of I really have gender dysphoria.

Those kids who know what is "wrong" with them at such young ages are not typical.  It is much more common to become aware of those feelings around puberty, and even more common to not act on them until middle age.  Only then, in hindsight, do most people become aware of signs from their youth that suddenly make sense in the light of being trans.

I started feeling that I was "different" in my late teens.  I started thinking about how it would be to have a female body in my 30s, and didn't start transitioning until I was in my early 60s.  Only when I was actively investigating whether I was really trans (i.e. in my 60s) did I remember and suddenly understand some early clues from my childhood, going back to age 7.

[Amaki]

honestly I cant speak for myself, I might be 30 (31 this year) but I knew most if not all of my life. Now as a student of the world I do believe the feeling might always be there but its not until some event or high stress that can trigger it. Yes I do believe there can be true gender dysphoria at any age, some of us just suppress it until it explodes, others think its normal and live with it forever, everyone is different and as such deal with things differently.

[Eryn T]

Heya, as others have said, I do believe it can fully manifest at any age.

Throughout my life I was envious of women's power(whao there, ladies, let me finish) and how much control they could possess over my thoughts and actions.  This turned somewhat into a reverse Madonna/Whore complex. And while I was just chronically 'down' and 'low energy' 'low emotion' I just figured that was the normal for me.

It wasn't until I entertained the idea that I could even be anything other than cis, that things started to add-up.  My extreme distaste for body hair, and harsh way I search for and criticized every flaw that I saw in a person's appearance...these really were just a lashing-out reflection to myself.

Even when I started transitioning, I didn't really feel the 'harsh' side of dysphoria right away, what I felt was instead the euphoria that being feminine granted me. And I only started transitioning about 3 months ago. (I turned 32 yesterday, btw)

[Lucca]

I'm 25, and have wondered the same thing, with a conscious realization of transgender inclinations only coming around January this year. Despite the intensity of my "sudden onset" gender dysphoria, I wondered if I could truly be transgender if I didn't know from a very young age.

However, I've decided that it doesn't matter when my feelings first became fully know, because I have them now, and that's all that matters. Plus, in my case (and this doesn't necessarily have to be the case for you), while I didn't have full-on gender dysphoria as a kid, I always hated any kind of gender roles or expectations placed on me, and disliked people commenting on masculine aspects of my appearance, even when it was in a positive manner. Later, in my early adult life, I came to resent being made to feel like an outsider in politically feminist circles because my status as a man meant I couldn't take any ownership of feminist issues that I cared about, or be seen as something other than an antagonist by women I wanted to be friends with. I consider stuff like that to have been because of gender dysphoria now, I just didn't realize it at the time.

[FinallyMichelle]

🙂 Late teens, early twenties is not so very old. I don't remember thinking as a child that I wanted to be a girl, my family obviously saw something but I didn't. About the only thing that I remember is that I didn't understand boys at all and they were not fun to be around. I knew that everyone thought that I was a sissy and that was bad but dysphoria, I don't think so. Not that I knew it as dysphoria at twelve but I knew then that I wanted to be a girl. In 1982 when I was 13 I told my grandparents that I couldn't be a boy anymore, was when I remember it locked in forever. Of course that didn't work out very well, but from then on I had to live with it. They tried to fix me with a mental institution, religion and everything else they could think of but nothing made it go away, just gave me a deep and abiding shame and hatred of myself. It took over 30 years to get past that and transition.

We all want solid answers, even I did and I knew all along. I knew that it wasn't ever going away though and when I learned that transition was possible I never looked back and never will. There were times in that 30 years that it wasn't as painful as others and I could push it aside but they didn't last long. Dysphoria is the key, whenever it happens to us in life, because it doesn't typically go away on its own. Spend a little time on this site and you will see post after post of people wishing they had started earlier or stuck with it if they had started earlier.

Dysphoria does not really have a set age or intensity. Mine was debilitating for most of my life but that is not standard, just what it was like for me. I have a friend that dysphoria didn't hit until she was in her 40s though she had thoughts of gender incongruity her whole life. She was also able to go for three years on hormones before going full time, I had to at around 6 months. I knew that it was too soon but I absolutely had to at that point.

Probably seeing a professional trained in GD would be the ideal next step for you. 😆 I can honestly say that I have no idea what men do or do not think but if I had to guess thinking that they want to be a girl is eexxttrreemmeellyy uncommon.

Age is not a defining characteristic of being transgender.

[zamber74]

** I need to stress, these are my thoughts, and quite prone to error.  A therapist is your best bet **

Trying to figure out why I experience GD has proven to be a pursuit of frustration, all I know is that it exists.  What causes these feelings is beyond my understanding, it could be biological, it could be psychological, for all I know it could be spiritual, it is all up in the air. 

I really wish I had the answer for both you and myself.  With these feelings surfacing recently for you, it must be especially frustrating, I can only imagine being completely content with my gender, and then it just switching on me.  It happens though, and it is common to many TG individuals from what I have read on various sites.  That is gender dysphoria, those feelings you have, as far as I am aware, is gender dysphoria.  GD is not causing GD, it is just an explanation of what you are going through.  What causes GD is an entirely different topic.

It doesn't matter what age you started feeling it from, it is all gender dysphoria.  I know the feeling you are having though, the desire to know why.  I wish I could provide you comfort there, I know for myself, if I knew why I experienced these feelings it would make a huge difference to me.  Unfortunately, there is no reason I have found to be sufficient.

What does matter, is that you are feeling this.  Not knowing the reason why, does not invalidate what you are experiencing, it makes it more confusing, but it doesn't change how you are feeling.  You could be 64 and just starting to feel it, and it would make it no less genuine. 

[Dani]

I knew I was different at a very young age. I had a name for at at age 14. I considered transition at age 17, but decided to tough it out and man up. It did not work. The dysphoria was always there.

I started my transition at age 64 after all family obligations were completed and personal issues lead me in this direction. My dysphoria was not constant, but it varied in intensity throughout my life. Sometimes, my dysphoria was controllable and at other times over whelming.

When did my gender dysphoria start? The day I was born.

[Alexa Ares]

Some Great Answers here. I can relate to so many. Im 37. Married, 4 kids. Strongly Religious and emotionally abusive background, repression, felt different at 5 in a way I was not clear about, awareness by 10, strong awareness by mid 20s. Despair by 33. Im fortunate my wife is fairly understanding of me.

I relate to Dani in terms of toughing things out as long as I could, and that feelings vary.
I agree that Trans is something primarily genetic ie you are born like this and how it is expressed depends on your life circumstances, and many factors.

Amakis point about high stress, yes I feel a significant moment in life can make one look at what am I ? and what do I need in life? Why am I not feeling okay?  Some people will feel this is normal and just manage it, others will explode.

I felt for Me, the Male role I constructed at a young age was no longer working, and I was forced to look at my misogynistic values of years ago, and eventually come to accept what I could not, ie Transness......

Its a Journey, and You are You. Thankfully the World is seeing this a lot more than it did 30 years ago.

[christinej78]

Hola Amigas,                   26 Junio 2018

I didn't have a clue what GD was in 1945, my first "sexual" encounter, if it could be called that. I was with an older girl about 7 or so (I was 5). She liked to play doctor so I got to see her naked body. I envied the female anatomy; it was so clean and curvy. It didn't have ugly stuff hanging down between their legs. I wanted a body like hers. That was 1945; I went in the house and used my parents PC and Googled Transgender; the response back was: "Try again in 73 years."

So here I am 73 years later. I'm not sure if I have, had, ever had GD. I know I wanted to be a woman but didn't have a clue how I could accomplish it. I remember in 1952 when Christine Jorgensen appeared in the news. What she did was astounding; how could I do that; I couldn't so I just repressed my desires.

Had I made it known to my parents I wouldn't be here today; my father would have killed me rather than suffer the shame of having his son, whom he loved to beat, want to be a girl/woman.

Long story short I started looking for answers for prostate cancer about a year and a half ago. As my research progressed I found transgender sites and started reading everything I could find. I then realized that this is what I was, a transgender woman with a penis and balls and no boobs.

Early this year I decided to do something about my desire to transition. On 08 March I had my first counseling session. Less than a week later I had my second, visited my primary doctor and outed myself to him, had an appointment with an endocrinologist 27 March and started HRT that day. Had a session with a second counselor, had an appointment with a plastic surgeon 09 April, 11 April a pre-op visit with said surgeon and Friday 13 April had my Orchiectomy, which completed my transition surgery. I now use Estradiol patches for HRT, no spiro as I don't need it. My T was checked after the nuts were fed to the local squirrels and found to be 10, whatever that means (no balls if I'm right).

I think GD and how one deals with it, is a personal issue. I don't think I fit in some pigeon hole with a bunch of other people. I'm just a former man that's now a woman and happy to be so. I think we sometime look for complex explanations to justify what we do, a form of trying to gain acceptance for our decisions. I'm just me and am satisfied to be who and what I am. I don't feel I owe the outside world any justification for my choices. Here it's a different story, we try to help each other.

So now you know me better than I do. The best advice I can give is: Be what and who you want to be and don't give a s*** what others think. It's your life, the only one you will ever have, so enjoy it. You owe it to yourself to be happy.

Best Always, Love
Christine

[Bibi]

YES!!

I am 62. Until about ten days before my 62nd birthdaay, I had no freaking clue that I was trans.

I always knew I was not your typical male. I skipped two grades in elementary school. Went to an elite high school, didn't partake in the usual boy stuff, had my head in a book ALL the time.

Got my full growth early, 6'3" by 11. Never was in a fight, as my size meant nobody messed with me.

After law school, people thought in was gay. I was not, although I was asexual at the tim e, in hindsight. Virgin until I was 26. Only one sexual partner -my (ex) wife.

Two daughters, oldest now 30.

Respected professional and leader.

Never a clue that i was a woman. Nothing. No cross dressing, no role playing.

I cannot emote as a man, so my marriage ended after 20 years. She just needed some sustenance.i was afraid that if I expressed emotion, my whole normality, such as it was, would come crashing down.

I wish it had, but I still had no clue.

After divorce, I did not pursue a relationship, as I saw myself as unsuited for one. I was right but for the wrong reason.

So, I knew I was an outlier.

But I never understood until four months ago.

I have never been comfortable with typical male, aggressive behavior. I never had that out it anywhere sex drive. I haven't had intercourse in over 25 years, nor an erection in nearly ten.I

Now that I realize that I am a woman, and am taking steps to match my inside with how I am perceived, I feel free.

And yet...

And yet things move slowly. Do I have gender dysphoria now, after never having had it before??!

You betcha.

And it is intermittently pretty strong. Especially about things like clothes. And shoes, and how I will pass.

So, glad to talk more offline, but YES,YES,YES!

[krobinson103]

I've never liked my body till now. Before I thought maybe if I worked out and got fit and strong it would help. It did not. It just accentuated differences that didn't match what was inside. At 13 i decided I should be gay... that kind of helped but it wasn't enough. At 25 I was in South Korea where they are... conservative to say the least. This meant I ended up marrying and trying to be a cis male. I failed. I toughed it out till 40 when the constant dysphoria and desire to transition got so strong it was impossible. I kept busy... there was no time, that helped. At 43 it hit me. I either transition or I end myself.

You can't hide from yourself forever and there is a high price for it. Now, I understand what it is to actually fit into the body I have. Its a gift beyond price and ANY cost is worth it.

[Chloe]

. . . about how it started when they were like age 3, 4, 5, I wonder of I really have gender dysphoria.

        Very Confused I become "self-aware" (lol sounds like an A.I. nightmare) 'round same age as you with best guestimate of beginning to cross-dress being 1972 . . . Am now considered "over-the-hill" and, still being "pre-op" not fully transitioned at all, does that mean I'm not really "trans" as well?

        We all have differing priorities and choices to make being so-called "trans" is much more than just HRT & medical surgeries I elected to pursue my dreams of "family" the best way I could instead!

[Sephirah]

Gender dysphoria can manifest at any age. It doesn't have to be pre-teen, teenage, early adult, or anything else.

As a lot of replies here have illustrated, a feeling doesn't automatically equate to knowing what that feeling is. Or knowing what causes it. So many things which we suffer from can have multiple, overlapping causes. Feeling like we don't fit in. Feeling like we're different to everyone around us. Feeling like we can't identify with our peer group... those are not solely identifiers of gender dysphoria. Feeling like you want to be someone else, feeling like you wish you had a different life, that things were different... that you identify more with how someone else is treated in life... those are not necessarily only identifiers of gender dysphoria, either.

And because of that, it's easy to write it off as something else. It's easy to look in another place. To think something else and never have the thought cross your mind until much later in life. When you don't know that other answers are a thing, you don't know where to look for them. It's all too easy to just go through life thinking you're just not doing it right because there's something wrong in your head, rather than entertaining the possibility that the life you're living may not be yours.

And it takes some people a lot of years to realise this. Sometimes people who have had to live for others for so long that they never get time to actually examine themselves. People who have put it down to something else and tried to ignore it, in the hopes it goes away. People for whom the scream of the world has been drowning out their own self-reflection to the point they just weren't able to listen to that whisper.

Knowledge and understanding of this condition is a relatively recent thing. For people born closer to the times we live in... it's out there. It's something you can research and accept as a possibility. For a lot of other, older people, it wasn't. Not at the time it could have made a difference to when they discovered who they were.

And then you have repressive households, or communities. Places where people growing up were just too scared to be anything other than what those around them expected them to be. Where ideologies and stereotypical ways of being were drilled into people from the time where they were old enough to understand speech. It happens. People can get brainwashed by folks who aren't in a crazy cult or an intelligence organisation. It happens. Day in and day out.

There are lots and lots of factors to shed light on why people come to terms with themselves at different times in their lives. I'm not sure it's the best way to look at it as "You had to know before you were 10 in order for it to be real." Perhaps a more healthy approach is to deal with it as we experience it in each individual case, and stop worrying so much about the supposed "blueprint".