Transition and passability for me at 30. need objective opinions on myself.

[Eve of chaos]

I feel like I need to start every post explaining my story. you can skip this bit if its TLDR and go to the questions at the bottom.

basically I was a semi young transition-er at age 23 6 years ago and very active on this site. A plethora of issues, problems, and fears caught hold of me around 7 months on HRT and I stopped cold and put transition behind me.

then at 27 it all came back, and I've been on off questioning it. went out to a few parties and bars as female but nothing more than that.

overall the experience is very different now then it was then. its so much harder to gauge If I'm passing or not. probably because it's so accepted these days no one would react otherwise. that and I'm not around anyone who doesn't know me as male.

at 23 Even pre HRT I passed at least 50% of the time. there were a handful of people who I know had no idea and took me as a cis women. (went on dates where when i disclosed the info they left right away). and there were others still who I thought for sure I passed to and found out they were just ->-bleeped-<-s and knew all along.

In the grand scheme of it I never got far into transition before my Fear of never being passable took hold hard and I tried to put it behind me.

so now here I am at 29, and I think I've made up my mind now that It's never going away and I need to take this road again. Ive thought it all out. the only real fear I have is my pass ability. which is a huge deal to me.

I know for some It's not the most important part. and that acceptance is enough. but for me, its really the only question of whats ever held me back, and I don't want to feel guilty over it anymore. I accept that If I can't pass at least 75% of the time transition will never make me happy. I will forever feel incomplete.



all that out of the way, now that I'm about 6 months away from being thirty I'm thinking realistically what transition would be for me. all I have to go off of is my experiences 6 years ago, but I know I've changed since then, I just can't pinpoint what. sometimes I glimpse myself in the mirror and I can see the Girl I want to be. and I feel this hope that I got lucky genetically and for me it's possible.

so here's what I'd like. I have some pictures of me in transition from before. and some of my more recent attempts.
I'll list off the things I feel are working for me and the things I know need work.

I would like opinions on these points, on what you see working and not working for me. and anything that would clock me that I unfortunately can do nothing about.

and just overall opinions on how I should go about it, I'm trying to create my roadmap/checklist.



 
ok, so first off here's an assortment of pictures from the first transition. some are my best and some are my worst for a full spectrum.

23 some of the very first attempts at presenting female


23 after coming out and being part time. Pre HRT still


23 1-8 weeks into HRT


8+ weeks on HRT



so that's the old me. I'd say overall I'm happy with how I looked in most of them. but these are just pictures. at the time I felt very down on myself.
anyway here's my nearing 30 no HRT attempts at passing female


I wish I had more but that's all I have at this point in time. I'm currently working on slimming myself down with diet and exercise and growing out my natural hair again. overall I can't really pinpoint what time and age has changed. I'm sure that's probably a good thing and that it doesn't matter but Its unnerving nonetheless.

so here's my positive points on what I've got going for me that i can see
1. decently small hands
2.decently small feet
3. I like my nose (not sure if it's an issue pass ability wise but I like it.)
4. not too tall
5. overall I think my face can appear genuinely feminine at certain angle
6. have a pretty feminine butt


things I don't like/give me away that I can see.
1. absolutely no hips whatsoever
2. arms look male and can't figure out why exactly
3. ribcage too big.
4. hairline receding.
5. chin/jaw (something about them i can't pinpoint)
6. beard shadow/scratched face

Going into transtiion again I accept that I will most likely need FFS to be happy. of course with that comes $$$ and it's own worries. the hairline is a must, but anything else I don't know what would be most beneficial.


please, please, please give me your opinions on not only my pass ability in these photo's but also what options I have for the future. I am amazing at taking criticism, you can't hurt my feelings, I just want the truth from multiple objective points of view.
I really feel like no one ever wants to comment or acknowledge me on this. and honestly that's the most disheartening thing of all.

any and all thoughts welcome. It's a bit selfish and extremely vain but I really want to hear from you on this. 

[cluck1992]

I cant give you advice based on experience as I haven't even really  begun my transition  (soon i hope), but I'd like to let you that I think you're very cute and pretty and if I looked half that good, I'd go for it. Hope someone with experience can give you some advice, look forward to your further updates.

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[annaleaver]

I think you look great

[Chloe_freebird]

I cant say too much I'm 1 week off starting hrt
We are same age so I hope I get results too
You look amazing  its hard to gauge about what changes will happen
But with the hair issue best to work on it early there are lots of inexpensive treatments to help
Laser caps finastride but best to talk to a hair doctor about it
With that shadow laser hair removal is fairly inexpensive now

Best of luck

Xxx Chloe

[warlockmaker]

We are obsessed with how we look so we can pass as a female. However, more important are: how you behave, walk, talk, voice, smell and think like a female. Learn how to act like them, you are now in their world. Enjoy the journey.

[Lucca]

I'm still pre-everything and very new to this, so I can't really give you tips on what your options are going forward, but I stand by what I said when I looked at your pictures before, visually speaking you definitely pass, and are very good-looking. You even pass in those pre-HRT pictures. You actually look a lot like a college classmate I had a crush on, lol. Your most recent photos aren't quite as "girlish," but I think that's largely because you're dressed in a less flashy manner, not to mention actually being older. You look more mature and reserved.

You can always have whatever procedures done that you wish, but I really don't think you need anything done in order to pass visually.

[DustKitten]

I agree with Lucca; you look a lot like a girl I used to work with, except that you're in much better shape than she is these days. Basically you look like she did before she had kids, but with smaller curves.

[Eve of chaos]

Thanks everyone it really means a lot. I think it's very hard for me to take positive feedback. I always feel like theres no way it could be true. I do feel you are all being very genuine though. and it's a huge relief.

I cant say too much I'm 1 week off starting hrt
We are same age so I hope I get results too
You look amazing  its hard to gauge about what changes will happen
But with the hair issue best to work on it early there are lots of inexpensive treatments to help
Laser caps finastride but best to talk to a hair doctor about it
With that shadow laser hair removal is fairly inexpensive now

what sucks is the first time i transitioned I did laser hair removal on my face. all 6 sessions while on HRT. stayed out of the sun, have dark facial hair. and it didn't do much at all if it did anything. so it's a little disheartening planning to do it again feeling like it might be a waste of money.

I might have to look into radical hairline surgeries or something. at 23 I thought to wait to see how much HRT helped if any. but at this point It's safe to assume it wouldn't do anything anymore. I hope you get good results on Hormones! thanks and good luck!

We are obsessed with how we look so we can pass as a female. However, more important are: how you behave, walk, talk, voice, smell and think like a female. Learn how to act like them, you are now in their world. Enjoy the journey.

I don't feel as if I have any issues there. maaaaybe voice, but even then I used to practice all the time with online games and random voice chat. pass ability with it was again 50/50. but I found if i held my ground people came to accept it. even if I didn't have the rest down it could all be learned, so I don't tend to dwell too much on taht aspect.

I'm still pre-everything and very new to this, so I can't really give you tips on what your options are going forward, but I stand by what I said when I looked at your pictures before, visually speaking you definitely pass, and are very good-looking. You even pass in those pre-HRT pictures. You actually look a lot like a college classmate I had a crush on, lol. Your most recent photos aren't quite as "girlish," but I think that's largely because you're dressed in a less flashy manner, not to mention actually being older. You look more mature and reserved.

You can always have whatever procedures done that you wish, but I really don't think you need anything done in order to pass visually.

this is invaluable feedback to me. thank you so much. I'm very curious what this college classmate looks like to compare myself too lol. I did once find a picture of a cis girl I though looked just like me. it used to give me so much hope. I found it online so I never knew the girl. but i liked it that way. i could look at her and pretend it was me ha.

not so sure anymore If I feel I look exactly like her as I once did. but still similar. and honestly my goal if I could achieve it. heres' the pic if you're curious.

I agree with Lucca; you look a lot like a girl I used to work with, except that you're in much better shape than she is these days. Basically you look like she did before she had kids, but with smaller curves.

lol well my most recent pics are from two years ago. unfortunately I am not in even that good of shape now. put on too much bellyfat, i barely even fit into that dress I took pics in, so I'm currently working out hard to get presentable so I can retake some pictures. I don't think that I've changed much in two years, at least I hope not.

[Johnni Gyrl]

I'd say you were highly passable at 23 and still are now. You're just a slightly older version of you. The lighter hair seemed to have made the only difference that stood out to me. 29 and nearly 30 is nothing at all, compared with some of us who decide at some age over 50/60 or even 70. I'm 55 and still willing to give this a go, with no serious previous attempts behind me. "Everything at the right time" etc... Even if I don't pass, acceptance will be enough for me. I think I'll be passable on some days, not so on others, depending on the outfit and the eyes of the viewer. I think I'm defo passable from a distance, not so much up close if people really checked. But if what they see is an overall female spirit, they're more likely to not look for faults or let them slide if they see them. Which brings me to the next point ...

More important would be - do you feel like a woman on the inside, spiritually?

If you do, (I think you probably do) then the outside will reflect the inside, or "as above, (on the mental/astral plane) so below." (on the physical plane)

Given that many cis women look and dress like guys and also have guys short hairstyles, you have every chance of passing to most people. I think you had the whole look nailed at 23 and you could easily get it back again, once you decide for sure.

[Chloe_freebird]

 When I spoke to the people at laser they it can talk up to 12 sessions if your unlucky  I've done 3 but need quite a few more sessions
Going off your pick your hair line doesnt look too bad you look prity and it seems to work
Mines also receeding spending alot to get it fixed but not much results yet  testosterone  may as well be classed as poison
Going off your earlier pics you looked really prity and at end of day just remember your just a slightly older version of then

[CarlyMcx]

You want my objective opinion?  You are still in your twenties and cute.  Stop worrying and enjoy your life.

For me, passability is irrelevant.  I am too well known around the court system where I work.  At my age (53 when I started) I am lucky I got anything at all out of the hormones.  Due to circumstances I had to come out at work without having FFS first.

When women attorneys fight it out in the courtrooms where I work, it is a battle of heels and hemlines.  And you better believe I enjoy wearing the look when I am at the podium.

Two or three times a week (or every day when I am in trial) I have to go into the holding cell area to talk to a client—remember I am not fully passable and I am in a four inches above the knee skirt and heels.  I did a lot of badass stuff when I was trying to live as a guy, but walking into a room full of accused criminal defendants in a short skirt and heels is a whole nother level of badassery.

No, passability is not an issue for me.  For me, being authentic enough to be perceived as female matters far more.

Like I said, you are young, attractive and feminine.  Stop worrying and enjoy life.