Non-Transtioning How do you deal with it in the times you know you can't?

[SarahM777]

Right now I find I am in a place where I am struggling with knowing that being able to transition would help me out greatly but I am in a position where it is not possible at this time due to a lack of insurance and funding. For the most part I have been able to handle it without too much grief, but lately it's been getting me down.


So 2 questions first how do you keep your spirits up when you are going through those times and 2nd How do deal with seeing others being able to transition and yet you are not?

[Dena]

About all you can do is chip away at the things you can. Possibly facial hair removal, makeup, assembling a wardrobe from a second hand shop, maybe HRT and if possible, go full time. There are many things that take time to accomplish and getting them out of the way will allow you to proceed faster when the time comes.

It also helps to stay busy. A second job would be good if you can handle it. If your in school, work toward your degree and maybe take on a few extra beneficial courses. if your close to family, try spending more time with them.

There is no perfect solution to this problem but any progress will help you feel better about yourself.

[SarahM777]

Some of that has already been done. (Most of my clothing is either gender neutral or women's clothing. So it's mostly jeans and t shirts) Not much in the way of body hair to begin with. As far as going full time, I work at home and I don't go out much so that is somewhat done already too.

Staying busy is usually not a problem. (I know that helps a lot but at the moment I have no ambition to do anything.
And many days with the business I can spend many 10-12 hour without a problem. I also am primary care giving for my mom and that takes up quite a bit of time) As far as most of the rest of the family other then my one brother I haven't seen or talked to them since my fathers funeral over 8 ago. (I did seen my one brother a couple of weeks ago but he lives about 800 miles away)

I also kept myself busy with some religous groups for awhile but that didn't turn out too well. And he more I think about it about 2 months ago one of my pastors did a really bad sermon on LGBT and they had a question and answer session and he called me out by name in that part. (He never asked me if it was OK with me to do so. I wasn't there at the time he gave the sermon but it was uploaded online and I got to hear it.) I know that is part of it.


I know I will get through this it's just if I can find something that will help out in the mean time it would be great.

[Janes Groove]

I got thru those times with lots of hobbies and such.  Artwork was a good way for me to get my mind off of it as it allows for long periods of time just working with one's hands and this tends to get one's mind off of what is obsessing it.  Upside?  It also helps you develop new skills.

[Sephirah]

So 2 questions first how do you keep your spirits up when you are going through those times and 2nd How do deal with seeing others being able to transition and yet you are not?

There's a good bet I will never be able to transition. At least not fully. And at the moment not at all. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's too hard. There have been a lot of times where I've asked myself those same questions. I've had some... very dark conversations in my head. But... I can only answer with what I've learned from it all, and how I keep going.

Question 1... for me it's a case of surround yourself with people who know you for you. Who can make you feel like yourself. It's hard to do that sometimes, I know. To find ways to be able to express yourself. To feel free to be... the way you want to be. But it's not impossible. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who... well... items don't work. Clothing doesn't work. It just... it doesn't feel real enough for me. For me personally. It doesn't make me feel like me any more than anything else does. They're just things. I guess that's my mindset. And who you are comes from inside you. So... for me... other people seeing that, and treating you that way... keeps me from going completely under at times where I might well do. You can only have so much self belief. It only goes so far, you know? Sometimes you need others.

This place has been a great help for that.

Question 2. That's tough. It's very easy to be jealous, or envious of someone else for having something you don't, or might not have. It's very easy. But what I've learned is that it doesn't change anything. It really doesn't. Hating someone for having something you don't... it doesn't make you get it, and it doesn't make them lose it. All it does is make you feel bad. And if you express it... it makes them feel bad too. After all that is done with, the only thing that has changed is that you feel worse and you make someone else feel worse.

Misery might love company, but that's not a good enough reason to feel that way. How I deal with it is... well... I want the best for them. I try to make others feel better about themselves, and achieve everything they can. I try to give people confidence to be able to go through with things I am physically unable to. And to live their dreams. My circumstances don't, and shouldn't impact someone else's. I have a lot of dark, scary feelings locked up inside me. Feelings I never talk about here. Feelings that... well... help me understand when someone else is going through the same thing. And they help me to help that other person through them. Even if I may not necessarily be able to get past them myself. That doesn't matter.

How I feel helps me empathise with how other people feel sometimes. And help me to maybe offer a ray of hope. To maybe guide someone to not make the same mistakes I made. To realise themselves. And, I guess, by doing that... I feel at peace. Why should two people be miserable when one can be happy, you know?

That's how I deal with it.

[SarahM777]

There's a good bet I will never be able to transition. At least not fully. And at the moment not at all. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's too hard. There have been a lot of times where I've asked myself those same questions. I've had some... very dark conversations in my head. But... I can only answer with what I've learned from it all, and how I keep going.

I am in the same boat that I will never be able to either unless there is some sort of miracle.

Question 1... for me it's a case of surround yourself with people who know you for you. Who can make you feel like yourself. It's hard to do that sometimes, I know. To find ways to be able to express yourself. To feel free to be... the way you want to be. But it's not impossible. Unfortunately I'm one of those people who... well... items don't work. Clothing doesn't work. It just... it doesn't feel real enough for me. For me personally. It doesn't make me feel like me any more than anything else does. They're just things. I guess that's my mindset. And who you are comes from inside you. So... for me... other people seeing that, and treating you that way... keeps me from going completely under at times where I might well do. You can only have so much self belief. It only goes so far, you know? Sometimes you need others.

This place has been a great help for that.

That gives me something to work on. (I think I have been trying to fit into places where it's not oing to work too well.)
That will be a bit of a challange but not impossible. (I live in a rural suburban area where most of the people around here are fairly conservative, mostly families with somewhat older kids, etc)

Question 2. That's tough. It's very easy to be jealous, or envious of someone else for having something you don't, or might not have. It's very easy. But what I've learned is that it doesn't change anything. It really doesn't. Hating someone for having something you don't... it doesn't make you get it, and it doesn't make them lose it. All it does is make you feel bad. And if you express it... it makes them feel bad too. After all that is done with, the only thing that has changed is that you feel worse and you make someone else feel worse.

Misery might love company, but that's not a good enough reason to feel that way. How I deal with it is... well... I want the best for them. I try to make others feel better about themselves, and achieve everything they can. I try to give people confidence to be able to go through with things I am physically unable to. And to live their dreams. My circumstances don't, and shouldn't impact someone else's. I have a lot of dark, scary feelings locked up inside me. Feelings I never talk about here. Feelings that... well... help me understand when someone else is going through the same thing. And they help me to help that other person through them. Even if I may not necessarily be able to get past them myself. That doesn't matter.

I think for me it's I am happy that others can more forward but in the back of my mind I am thinking when is it going to my turn? I can rationalize it that life is not fair but it doesn't help with the feelings.

This gives me something to think about and some things I can work on.

Thanks