Quote from: DebbySoufflage on May 05, 2019, 07:04:24 PM
You manage to deal with these hardships in a very admireable way, SeptagonScars .
I hope you find some peace and happiness.
Do you really need a label for who you are? Maybe you are just SeptagonScars and maybe that doesn't need any further explanation.
If you really need a label, would one of the non-binary genders fit your feelings?
Luv,
Debby
Thank you, it's been an intense year, figuring those things out and dealing with them hands on.
Well, I really wish I could "just be me" without any labels, but I just keep stumbling on my words and being totally misunderstood by 99,9% of people irl. Cause I don't have the language to explain what I am, and I don't feel good about that I'm by default being perceived as something I am not, which requires explanation to clear up. And I think maybe a label would help me communicate my situation better. Like imagine you didn't have the word "internet" in your vocabulary and could only ever rely on explaining what internet is (without using the word internet) every time you needed to talk about it. Then you too might have wanted a simple term for what you're trying to describe to others. Cause all that explaining might get exhausting after a while. Especially when they always ask you if the things you describe are actually accurate or if it's in fact telephones or libraries that you're talking about. And maybe you're not even entirely sure exactly how internet works, which makes it even harder to explain.
People don't ever even ask me if I'm a man or a woman. I don't think they dare to? Cause only one person has asked that since my detransing and it was a drunk old man at a bus stop. Everyone else just straight up assumes something I'm not and I only notice by the hints they give me and how most avoid using any pronouns for me at all. Like I'm going to an lgbt cafe in my area where everyone is nice and it's both lgbt people and allies going there. I've gone there since September last year but still haven't managed to tell them anything about my gender situation. Because I don't know how to but really want to.
As a result of my incapability to communicate, my very visible gender situation has become something like a mysterious secret that every new person I meet is walking on eggshells around. Like no one is talking about it but everyone knows, and like it's "hush-hush don't offend her/him." That's not a nice situation to be the centre of attention of and it's kinda suffocating me, but I don't know how to sort it out. Cause I know that usually just talking to people will lighten such tensions... but not if what I can say will only cause more confusion. So yeah, it kinda does need further explanation than just my name, cause that "mysterious secret hidden in plain sight" that is my constantly misinterpreted (and probably "shocking") gender situation is stifling my social life, and my confidence. Cause I don't like being treated like I'm made of glass and like a single "wrong" word would shatter me.
I dunno, it's possible I'm nonbinary if I just look at my dysphoria and how I want my body to be, and that I see my mind/personality as highly androgynous, but genderwise I choose to go by my bio sex regardless of what my gender actually is. Seems most nonbinary labels are very focused on the gender and the abstract, while I'm more focused on the physical/bodily and the tangible. But I'm looking into it. Like I could be nb but just not focused on my gender, just my expression, transition, dysphoria and euphoria.
Sorry for the long rant of a reply! Just wanted to explain why I feel I need a label, and... ironically that was a little difficult!