Sex/dating while stealth / 'The Talk'

[kruger]

Warning for perhaps a little bit of mature content down the road.

So here's the story: last weekend, I was at a party and met this girl, Kristen, and we had sex. By 2am we had ended up in bed together. We were kissing and it became clear it was headed a certain way. She kept trying to reach for my crotch but I moved her hand away, I panicked and told her I didn't have a condom and that I would just like to perform oral on her, which she seemed more than fine with lol. I had assumed it would just be a one time thing, but the next morning she seemed pretty interested in at least having sex regularly or even being in a relationship. She invited me to her birthday party, which is next week as I write this.

The issue is, she has no idea I'm trans. We only met that night, and no one else at the party knew I was trans either. She is straight, she told me, and made a comment earlier in the night about 'liking dick'. Which I don't have.

I think I actually like her, but I'm sure the next time I see her she'll want more than last time and I haven't had 'the conversation' with her yet. What should I do? Wait until the moment and tell her? Try contact her before hand? Or just end it there and not really pursue a relationship so she can keep thinking I'm cis?

[Dena]

You have one question to answer (after I responded to your other post). Do you want to have the talk as it will blow being stealth? If your willing not to be stealth, then you should have the talk sooner than latter. She would be very unhappy to have plans made for the night only to discover at the last minute the plans wouldn't happen. Maybe she will be accepting and everything will be fine but if she isn't accepting, it's best to end it now.

[Sonja]

@Kruger,

Hi Lawrence,  I really think you should talk to her before hand, like Dena said she might be making plans that might spoil the birthday party in some way. I would tell her now - maybe email, NOT face to face, give her a chance to think about it without any form of confrontation that could create a knee jerk reaction. Allow her an opportunity to make up her own mind by herself. 

Hope this helps,

Sonja.

[invisiblemonsters]

being stealth is certainly tricky when it comes to dating and sex. i also live my life as stealth and i tend to tell people when i know it will go further or i will be seeing them more often because there's interest. your best bet is to tell her ASAP. i've dated women who are straight, but everyone is different. some straight women might not consider trans men as "real men" which of course is ridiculous, but it is how some people are. i actually wouldn't have even progressed it knowing that is how women react sometimes. you see trans women getting killed for "lying" because some men think that they just got oral or what ever from a cis woman, who turns out to be trans. that is my only line of thinking when it comes to progressing. i rather get it out there and not even do anything with someone until they know. that isn't fair to them. even though we aren't lying about being men, some people think otherwise, which is why honesty and openness is always important. it's just going in expecting one thing and getting another. you don't want that situation to turn out bad. i will also mention, i've had straight women tell me about liking dick but end up not caring when i tell them i'm trans. just my experience. you also don't want to ruin her birthday, so don't wait for the moment. if you want it to go further, you need to tell her asap.