I don’t want to be transgender. But I’m scared because I think I am, or at leas

[Danielle Kristina]

I think most of us trans girls regret not transitioning earlier.  I never wanted to be trans, and fought till I couldn't fight any longer.  I'd say get a therapist and work through your issues together. If it ends up that transition is for you, then get started on it.  I wish i did it 30years ago!

Bari Jo

Hi Bari Jo,

I've got a therapist that I've been seeing for a few months now and I'm in the middle of transition.  I still have some fears regarding coming out to friends, family, coworkers, etc., but I've made peace with my being trans.  I started this thread when I first realized the very real possibility of my being trans, and through therapy, self-exploration, and sharing on the forums, I've learned to love and accept myself for who I am. 

I just can't believe I've made it this far!  Once I was terrified at the thought of my transgender identity, but I've learned to embrace it and day by day I'm becoming the woman I've always been but never knew.

[Bari Jo]

That's great Danielle, I was afraid at each of my coming outs and it's all gone very well.  I'd say most often the fear is internal.  If your friends and family truly love you, they will still love you.  I've documented my comings out in my thread under mtf.  If they help in the slightest for you, that would be great.  Good luck!

Bari Jo

[Danielle Kristina]

Hi Danielle,
I'm glad that you seem to be feeling more optimistic about things.  To be trans is not a failing, nor is it a sin.  It is however an enormous pain in the ass.  The task is to find what is authentic about who you are and how you wish to live and to then follow that thread wherever it might lead without fear of consequence.  I hope that you do not do this alone.  For many of us being alone in our minds is to wander in a confusing and not particularly safe neighborhood.  Do get some help, I promise that you will learn something.

We have to be our own hero in this pilgrimage.  Joseph Campbell wrote a book long ago called "The Hero With A Thousand Faces."  You might find it helpful but the important thing is this.  We leave our home; our gender; our unhappy but safe place, and travel through fear to a magical land of authenticity.  I began this journey about seven years ago and every step along the way was unsure and filled with doubt about whether it would work, whether I was strong enough, and even whether I deserved to be whole.

There are many perils in the pilgrimage to our authentic selves.  Many places where the path is faint or not even there at all.  But every step is one of learning and every friend you make in this community both a mentor and a student.

It is my belief that we who walk this way are gifted, and eventually find the truth about who we are, and the courage to live it without fear or regret.

I wish you well and if I can be of any help, do let me know.

Peace,
Julie

Hi Julie,

I am so sorry I missed your post before!  For whatever reason I completely overlooked it.  I'm glad I came back to this thread again and found it, because there is a lot of wisdom in your words.  I see a gender therapist and have been since shortly after I originally started the thread and she has helped me tremendously in accepting myself.  She is even starting the process of my HRT and I can't wait to take them!  Today, I'm no where near where I want to be, but I'm far better off than I was a few months ago when my journey toward authenticity first began.  After decades of running from my feelings I finally got to a place where I just couldn't run anymore and have accepted me for who I am.  Like my avatar says, my inner girl is winning the war.

Hugs!!!


Danielle