Issue with volunteer organization

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Hello all,

So I am a member of a volunteer organization, I don't want to directly name it since I don't want people who google the name of the organization + transgender to wander their way here. It has an affiliation with a particular branch of the U.S. military, and has a strong aviation component. (If you think you know what it is you can PM me, please don't post it in the thread) There is both an adult component and a youth component, though a couple of times a month we have joint meetings. I'm one of maybe 3 adult members who is not a veteran, and something like 40% of the members on the youth side are homeschooled.

I've come out to the head of our local group, as well as the head of our state, both are supportive, however the head of our local group is out of town and wants to step down since he's starting a new job. The organization's nondiscrimination clause explicitly protects sexuality and gender identity. I had a chat with the guy who was going to take over our local group, but now doesn't want to since he "cannot in good conscience enforce the nondiscrimination rules on his fellow members." He feels that my coming out will cause "significant disruption," and that I'm selfish for wanting to stay. His solution is that I be given a position at the state level, and after a couple of years "I could apply to come back."

Our outgoing leader will be back at the end of July, and the current plan is to announce it then. Anybody have any experience in this matter?  Any tips or potential pitfalls?

[KathyLauren]

I have no experience that would be relevant.  But I think he should not take the position.  The organization has a clear policy and he says he is unable to abide by it.  So he should probably not be in the organization at all, and certainly should not be in a leadership position. 

You are not being selfish.  You are just doing your (volunteer) job.  He is being selfish for wanting you to work around the rules for his comfort.

The purpose of the nondiscrimination policy is to weed out bad eggs like him.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I have no experience that would be relevant.  But I think he should not take the position.  The organization has a clear policy and he says he is unable to abide by it.  So he should probably not be in the organization at all, and certainly should not be in a leadership position. 

You are not being selfish.  You are just doing your (volunteer) job.  He is being selfish for wanting you to work around the rules for his comfort.

The purpose of the nondiscrimination policy is to weed out bad eggs like him.

That's why he isn't taking the position. I do kind of respect the fact that he's removing himself from that part of it instead of actively working against me. Interestingly enough he had no concept of what I was doing, like many people he assumed that srs was all that happened, I told him that I was socially transitioning. He then asked me "why I feel like I need to do this." I told him that I would provide him with information on trans people if he was interested, but that I didn't need to nor would I justify myself to him. Again, I don't think he's a bad person, he's just in his 70s and has a huge stack of bad assumptions that won't just go away by reading a few websites.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Hey all, so on Tuesday we had my coming out to the adult members of the group. The head of our group went over the nondiscrimination rules, as well as the other relevant guidelines, and then handed it over to me and I said that I was transgender. It was pretty quiet after that. I asked if there were any questions, one person asked me my pronouns, and that was it. Then we had it where I left the room so that people could ask anything they weren't comfortable asking with me in the room, so I waited outside. When I got back everyone seemed pretty ok with it, several people talked about how brave I was, and our one adult female member said she was happy that we'd have another woman around.

And as an extra helping of schadenfreude when I came back into the room, the guy who told me he couldn't in good conscience enforce our nondiscrimination rules, was slouched in his chair, head slumped between his shoulders with his face all shriveled up. It was a good day.

[Sonja]

@AnamethatstartswithE

That sounds like a really good day to me! Good for you!

but the best comment has to be "glad to have another women around" said by a women - that is super cool!

Sonja.

[Lilly G]

Hey all, so on Tuesday we had my coming out to the adult members of the group. The head of our group went over the nondiscrimination rules, as well as the other relevant guidelines, and then handed it over to me and I said that I was transgender. It was pretty quiet after that. I asked if there were any questions, one person asked me my pronouns, and that was it. Then we had it where I left the room so that people could ask anything they weren't comfortable asking with me in the room, so I waited outside. When I got back everyone seemed pretty ok with it, several people talked about how brave I was, and our one adult female member said she was happy that we'd have another woman around.

And as an extra helping of schadenfreude when I came back into the room, the guy who told me he couldn't in good conscience enforce our nondiscrimination rules, was slouched in his chair, head slumped between his shoulders with his face all shriveled up. It was a good day.

I like that other woman now. that is great that she is like that. I love hearing someone say "yay, all female table" then invite me to join or the "you aren't the only female now Lilly" at dungeons and dragons. its sweet to hear things like that.

[Susan Baum]

Congratulations on your coming out and being open enough to answer all those \nonexistent/ questions.

And as an extra helping of schadenfreude when I came back into the room, the guy who told me he couldn't in good conscience enforce our nondiscrimination rules, was slouched in his chair, head slumped between his shoulders with his face all shriveled up. It was a good day.

Love it 

Susan