New here

[LexieDragon]

Repost from https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=239597.msg2158135#msg2158135 per Alaskan Danielle's suggestion.

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Hi all,

I'm Lexie.

So I have decided to sign up here and write about my story a bit and find out if I have just been oblivious for most of my life.

I am MaaB but recently (a few months ago) figured out that I am bigender m/f (or possibly F/M really).

The thing is I just never really thought about it throughout my life (36yo). But now thinking back on it--it all makes good sense. From as far back as I am able to remember, I have always identified more with female characters in games, books, and movies. When playing tabletop games I will normally play females characters if I am able (group dependent) Heck, I have even masqueraded as female online for as long as I have had internet (as long as there was no video and/or voice aspect). I always went by Alexandra/Lexie or Lexanta, despite that my nickname offline is gender neutral.

I have always been more comfortable around females, and would have to resist the desire to get mani-pedi's with my girl-friends even when the pushed and pushed me to join them despite that I actually like them.

I have come out to my SO, who is fluid, a close and trusted female friend, and my SO's sister (whom I trust) other than that I have been nervous AF about all of this. I am planning on cosplaying Weiss Schnee from RWBY at a convention later this year with my SO teaching me makeup and am hoping to pass. This will be the first time, likely at that point, that I go into public dressed as my fem self.

However, the more I am thinking about it, the more I am wondering if I am actually full trans and just in denial due to socialization. I have always been disgusted by body hair, and have been shaving it off and on since my teen years, but even those periods when I have not it has been mostly due to laziness.

I am also worrying about being able to pass, my SO and friend tell me that I should be able to (with the right makeup and spanx), but my voice is a problem.

Sorry, kind of rambling...

I guess what I am leading to is: How did everyone else come to the conclusion on their gender? Have I just been my ditzy, absent-minded self with all of this or have others been oblivious with this kind of stuff? And, does anyone else question if they are fully trans vs bigender?

To be honest, all of this is simultaneously relieving and anxiety inducing for me...

Thanks in advance

Lexie

[Northern Star Girl]

@LexieDragon
Dear Lexie:  Thank you for coming to the Introductions Forum and following the LINK that I gave to you on the other thread that you first posted on where I sent you a Welcome Message today.

Now that more members will know that you are a member you can hopefully get the answers you are seeking.

Thank you again for joining Susan's today.
I will see you around the Forums.
Danielle

[V M]

Hi Lexie 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Jessica]

Hi Lexie 🙋‍♀️ I'm Jessica!

I personally understand how you feel...am I NB, am I fluid or am I using that as a crutch to help me socialize on my own terms.  I have begun to think that I am needing to accept that I am much more a woman than I thought.
It was interactions on the forums that gave me the insight to bring myself to this point.  You too may find answers that can lead you to a better understanding of yourself.  It's a matter of being honest with how you see you.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[LexieDragon]

Thank you Jessica!

[SallyChoasAura]

Hey Lexie!!! Welcome to the party~!
Don't stress yourself on trying to figure out your gender right away. I still questioning mine (though I think I might be genderfuild) so it's okay to slow down and take your time. 😊

[LexieDragon]

Oh and thanks for the welcome V M, sorry missed your response before. This is a very active forum.

I honestly just stumbled on this place while looking around for information. LOL.

At first I was off put by how dated the interface looks (and its organizational schema), but that's just the OCD Software Engineer in me speaking, so no offense towards the Staff or Susan is intended, I know how annoying front end stuff can be.

But after a while of lurking and reading, I got past the interface, and so far I a very glad I did.

[LexieDragon]

Sally

Academically I know that your right.

I guess I'm just feeling old and wanting to get things in line properly before I get much older, tho the con is not till november.

[SallyChoasAura]

Sally

Academically I know that your right.

I guess I'm just feeling old and wanting to get things in line properly before I get much older, tho the con is not till november.

Ya darn right I am.😑
Lol but seriously don't feel old! I'm sure you're younger than you think~ And don't worry about something that's all the way in November!!! Silly human~😋

[LexieDragon]

LOL. Yea, have much to do between now and then, like put together the costume and learn how to do makeup. Lol