Was she cistupid or am I oversensitive?

[Virginia 71]

Or maybe I just need to b@&#! about it...

So, for one it pisses me off that Virginia either has too many sillabels or they just can't bring themselves to use it for someone early in transition.

And my idiot brother who was all supportive when I told him.and his wife in theory dining room, but has bit accepted my FB friend request. It's been a week or two now and I sent it right in front of him so, yeah, he know...

But what is totally under my skin is that I am house sitting for some friends and a neighbor stopped by. She knew I was here but when she came up the steps she asked my name...so I said "Hi, I'm Vee" (Let me save you the discomfort of uttering two more syllabels lady) Then she looked at me and stammered "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were a woman."

Awkward silence.

"Yes, well I am in transition so..."

"Oh, you are?!" No lady I totally made that up to message with you. "Sorry I didn't know"

Well then, does not take a lot of common sense OR common courtesy to keep your mouth shut now does it.

This after the doc that prescribes me my anti-depressants saying to me Thursday with a slight grin. "So you are dresses as a man today." To which I responded "No, I am dressed like I am about to be building a shed for my girlfriend and it's 90deg and humid"

And the icing...or.maybr it's just a happy ending since none of these good progressive (cough cough yeah right) people took me to dinner...

Is when the woman who I am house sitting for, who IS generally very very supportive (so, ya know...thought being inher home I'd be a bit shielded from stupidity like her neighbor brought to the door) called and said "Sorry I didn't tell Susan you were in transition." Then a little laugh and she follows with a left hook and says "I think it's kind of funny, I hope you don't mind."

I guess I don't, I mean I get it OK, but can you folks keep your ignorant mouths SHUT please?

Grrrr.

OK, vent closed.

Thanks for listening!

[Gertrude]

Sometimes, don't attribute to malice what's ignorance or stupidity. In some cases, it is malice, but really willful ignorance. Sometimes it's easier to accept that there are a lot of aholes in the world.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[Breeze 57]

First off, I'll say I'm sorry and I understand how upsetting this all must have been.  I wish I had some wise, insightful thing to say which would make you feel better, but I don't.  I do know that "stupid" is universal among humans in all topics.  I did want to say I enjoyed the term "cistupid".  I haven't heard that before and got a kick out of if.  While I know there is a great deal of stupidity among people in the world today, I am also amazed at the creativity and imagination out there.

[HappyMoni]

Virginia,
   I share and empathize with your frustrations. I have one word of advise that I learned early in my transition. I used Moni (like 'Bonnie') as a useful in between name for those who knew me as male. I found that as I presented female to strangers, it was less confusing to introduce myself using the full name, Monica. It just made it simpler and was one less cause of awkwardness. Now half  the people call me Moni and the other half call me Monica and @Laurie calls we Mawnie. lol
   People should be able to step out of their little worlds and treat something new with a little tact and respect. All to often, we have to scratch and claw for it though. Stay strong, the awkwardness will get  less. Hostility on your part only stops the cis folks from one day becoming allies, you know, real human beings.
Moni or is it Mawnie?
Is cistupid anything like bicuspid?

[Breeze 57]

Good post Moni.  I remain humbled to the insight and thought I see expressed.  Bicuspid.  LOL

[Tessa James]

Your frustration is understandable.  Sensitivity, like falling in love, invites and exposes us to be vulnerable to loss and misunderstanding.  Dear friends here helped me learn to internalize the truth of who owns these troubling feelings.  I own mine and they own theirs.

I own my feelings and can work through feeling different than what might be a first blush of anger or frustration at an uneducated response.  With a pause we can be reflective with less defensiveness and more interest in a new perspective from others that we do not own but might even find amusing or enlightening.

Transition can be a path of training for self acceptance, despite the odds, and we can take the high road when they go low.  Keep rocking on your path girl!

[salaniaseviltwin]

I've never gone to any psych visit en femme. But I do not believe that clothing is 100% gender defined. Every article of clothing is created to conceal the human body in a certain way.

"Clothes do not make the man, but you need the proper costume to play the part."

Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear (The Kingkiller Chronicle, #2)

As for the other people, I totally get it. I may be forced to stop talking with my father if he doesn't stop his bible thumping cistupidity. So I feel you on that one.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

[Virginia 71]

Thanks all for your kindness and replies.

Happy thing...I think I was "mamed" by a woman in anther language. It was a nice lady in the laundry mat. Not sure what country she was from but she asked to borrow my phone to let her daughter know it was time to pick her up. She asked in English but spoke in Spanish on the phone. I'm not sure what the conversation was entirely when her daughter got there but she gestured at me and used the word Senora (not sure if I spelled that right.) She seemed to use it with ease and without judgement. Her daughter did a slight double-take of me but was otherwise totally cool, like, oh...yeah of course. Clearly this person identifies as Senora.

Been sired a few times and just treated well but without pro-nouns since my original post. I think it was just one of those days. Thanks for being there! 

[Lilly G]

Thanks all for your kindness and replies.

Happy thing...I think I was "mamed" by a woman in anther language. It was a nice lady in the laundry mat. Not sure what country she was from but she asked to borrow my phone to let her daughter know it was time to pick her up. She asked in English but spoke in Spanish on the phone. I'm not sure what the conversation was entirely when her daughter got there but she gestured at me and used the word Senora (not sure if I spelled that right.) She seemed to use it with ease and without judgement. Her daughter did a slight double-take of me but was otherwise totally cool, like, oh...yeah of course. Clearly this person identifies as Senora.

Been sired a few times and just treated well but without pro-nouns since my original post. I think it was just one of those days. Thanks for being there! 

that is amazing girl. i know how it is for someone to use the proper pronouns, and on those days i feel like im "On Top of the World"(song title by imagine dragons)and i love it.....then i get the "hang on....ur a dude" followed by my short explanation on my being trans. 

[Virginia 71]

that is amazing girl. i know how it is for someone to use the proper pronouns, and on those days i feel like im "On Top of the World"(song title by imagine dragons)and i love it.....then i get the "hang on....ur a dude" followed by my short explanation on my being trans. 

Exactly! It felt good to wake up and read this. It's been one of those weeks where things just don't go right...just every day stuff that has nothing to do with being trans and everything to do with not being able to tell people "sorry but I am simply too busy right now."

Thanks! 😀