That was very well expressed, Julie.
Something I just wanted to pick up on, though, is this paragraph:
QuoteSome years ago I participated in a group that was working through "A Course In Miracles." There was a lot in that discussion that was difficult for me to accept, but one thing that has stuck with me was the notion of otherness. Humans are tribal in nature. We tend to objectify those outside of our tribe or group. If you are different from me then you are "other" and I have no moral responsibility towards you. As a class, transgendered people are so much outside of the normal experience of most people that understanding takes effort, and it is simpler to to castigate and ostracise than to make the considerable effort necessary to understand. I think that is a root cause of the horrible violence we experience, and the self destructive behavior so many of us resort to.
That may be part of it, but I think it's only a small part. Hate comes in many flavours.
There's a saying I subscribe to wholeheartedly: "Criticism tells us more about the critic than the criticised." The same is true of people who profess to hate anyone else, or indulge that hate in the form of violence. I don't think that it's necessarily a case of being simpler. I think it's a case of being unwanted.
The vast majority of people who don't understand something... don't take it upon themselves to single people out who they don't understand and make their lives miserable. They are content to live and let live. Only a small proportion of people go that extra mile. Only a tiny percentage go out of their way to actively punish people who they feel don't fit into their view of the world. And you have to ask yourself why.
Personally, I feel that as people we use those around us as mirrors. Who they are reflects who we are. What they do, and what they have, makes us question what we have and what we do. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I think sometimes they are mirrors to our own soul. And in everyone else we question ourselves. I feel that the most hateful people in the world are also the most insecure. They're the people who, when they see someone else, it brings up feelings about themselves. Feelings they don't want to deal with. And to deflect that, they feel it better to hate the other person for making them feel that way.
Hatred is borne of many things. Envy, for example. People hate what others have that they wish they had. Be that looks, charisma, courage, hope, desire, ambition... you name it. It's easier for someone to hate someone else for having something instead of going out and getting it yourself. It takes far, far less effort to scrutinise someone else than it does to examine ourselves.
Hate can also be borne of uncertainty. Who we are as people can make some people question who they are as people. Someone for whom gender was always so clear might feel suddenly uncomfortable when they meet someone for whom it was never clear. And the very notion isn't as set in stone as was first thought. It plants seeds, of questioning. And people don't like examining themselves. They don't like thinking about things they always thought were rock solid tenets of life.
I don't think it's effort. Taking the effort to understand someone. I think it's desire. Empathy isn't hard. You just have to want to even entertain the notion. And some people don't. You don't even have to understand something in order to accept it. Only to understand that the person dealing with it understands it. But again some people don't. Because they don't want to. But that's more because of who they are than who someone else is.
And understanding that is the first step to understanding why people behave the way they do. How we deal with our own lives as reflected in the lives of others. And there lies the path of tolerance. Understanding ourselves is the first step on the road to understanding the world.
