Quote from: Allison S on August 07, 2018, 12:03:38 PM
Yes it did for me. I think you have a lot of insight and from your stories it seemed you were in "place of otherness" too? I mean when you were andro and picked on. That's a pretty harsh experience to have to go through. You went boy > andro > woman ?
Thank you for your comments, Allison and Kirsten. For the longest time I didn't even want to think about my growing up years and living as a boy but by sharing my story over the last few years about some of the things I went through, I have learned to better embrace this time in my life. There's really not much unique about my story from what we know of trans youth today but
when I went through all this so long ago is I think why some may find it interesting? These are not things I've ever shared in detail like this with anyone in the real world, even with the people that do know I'm of trans experience.
As far as the progression of my appearance, I was a normal looking boy with short hair and dressed like a boy through the 2nd grade and into the 3rd until my hair got long enough to further set me apart and cause trouble with the schools. This was the peak of my boyness, I hated it and it went downhill after that, however, I don't know what it was about me, probably just my demeanor and personality, but from the time I started kindergarten I was always singled out as different by other kids and teachers. Here's a 2nd grade school photo that pretty much captures my emotions and how I felt about myself at the time. I was hating the world by then, very unhappy about having to be seen that way and even less happy about being photographed like that. There's a look of seething contempt in my eyes at the whole process wondering "why me" and of embarrassment and the more they wanted me to smile, the more I just wanted to cry. Some things are hard to forget. I did not have to take school photos after that.
A few years later, from appearance alone, strangers weren't quite sure if I was a boy or a girl. I entered "therapy" after the 4th grade. By the 7th grade, I was in full blown trouble. I had been in 13 or 14 different schools up until then with 7th grade the first time I was able to start and finish an entire grade at the same school. I had extraordinary social problems because of my looks and manner but otherwise, I do have plenty of happy childhood memories because my parents and extended family treated me like a regular kid in spite of everything.
THIS IS NOT ME but it is hella damn close and captures my look and style, hair and build to a tee about the time I got out of the 8th grade (1969). This would be my androgynous phase but everything else about me personality wise was and always had been seen as feminine. BTW, this is a shot of a young Peggy Lipton that went on to play Julie Barnes on TV's
The Mod Squad. She was one of my idols and who I wanted to be like when I grew up.
After I was 15, I rapidly moved more visibly beyond androgyny and after 16, rarely passed as a boy with strangers. After I started hormones at 17, fuhgeddaboudit. I never passed as a boy but that's what I had to be known as until I graduated high school but by then my hair was almost waist length so maybe you can imagine why I was such a target? Even I can't believe some of this stuff. I got used to harassment, ridicule and bullying thinking it was just a normal part of life and that all the kids had to deal with these things but fortunately after the 10th grade when I was nearly beaten to death, there was no more serious violence to deal with.
Apologies, it was not my intent to derail this thread with my nonsense.
