Hey all, I'm Sam. I am a mid-20s woman. I've always known something was a little different about me, and I still don't think I fit a label. Sometimes I feel masculine, other times, very feminine, but I've always just felt like a Sam. I don't know how else to put it. I feel like my gender doesn't really fit anywhere. However, I've never felt the need to use anything other than female pronouns. It's hard to portray as anything other than female, because I work in a very "professional" field, where I don't think people would be okay with it.
I feel very confused and scared about it all, because I am still trying to discover where I fit in and what exactly I want to do with myself and my body. I know that one day I'd like to have a breast reduction. They're very large, and I don't want them gone, just smaller so that on days where I have my female body, I won't hate it as much. I do have those days. I have days where I have everything about my body and wish I had been born differently. So sometimes I feel like nothing, sometimes I feel like a man, and sometimes I feel like a woman. It's all so confusing. More than that, I feel strange that I've never had any sort of "epiphany" type moment where I finally figure it all out. Is that going to happen? Does it need to happen?
I'm very blessed to have the help and support of my husband. He is a FtM trans man and is helping me explore packers and binders, and clothing options to help me feel better on days where I don't feel and ounce of femininity. He led me here and I'm just hoping to find more people like me and hopefully figure out what exactly I want to do with myself!
