Healing the mind with the scars

[Veyda]

Hi there! I'm curious in finding out how those of you who've developed a hypervigilance through being trans have come to ease and retrain your mind after you've had surgery or other affirmations which solved the problem.

I recently had SRS about three months ago and it's been nearly two years since I've been misgendered at all, but I can't seem to leave the fear of getting clocked, abused, and dehumanized behind. I fundamentally don't trust other people to behave decently, and I assume the worst thoughts with every person that glances at me. It's been nearly three years of time for me since starting transition. I found the term hypervigilance was pretty much 1:1 with how I am living my life now. I am still always scanning the environment and other people for threats, and it is very taxing on my mental health and outlook.

Aside from being out in public, I'm actually very happy with myself and my life. I'd love to grab some advice!

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi there! I'm curious in finding out how those of you who've developed a hypervigilance through being trans have come to ease and retrain your mind after you've had surgery or other affirmations which solved the problem.

I recently had SRS about three months ago and it's been nearly two years since I've been misgendered at all, but I can't seem to leave the fear of getting clocked, abused, and dehumanized behind. I fundamentally don't trust other people to behave decently, and I assume the worst thoughts with every person that glances at me. It's been nearly three years of time for me since starting transition. I found the term hypervigilance was pretty much 1:1 with how I am living my life now. I am still always scanning the environment and other people for threats, and it is very taxing on my mental health and outlook.

Aside from being out in public, I'm actually very happy with myself and my life. I'd love to grab some advice!

@Veyda
Hello Veyda,    Thank you for your very first posting on this thread.  Please know that I am not trying to hijack your posting but first things first.

I am glad that you have become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your posting with other members here on the Forums.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..

Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 
I have included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

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[Northern Star Girl]

@Veyda
Oh, and one more thing Veyda,
When you get a chance it would be great if you introduce yourself
in the Introductions Forum.

More members will then be aware of your arrival on the Forums and therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more like-minded individuals.
Great to see you here!  Please enjoy what Susan's Place has to offer.

Hugs, and again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[Virginia]

I am a survivor of childhood sexual and psychological abuse. Hypervigilence is a common reaction to trauma. Eliminating a stressor has nothing to do with eliminating our feelings about the stress itself . You do not mention whether you were at one time had been clocked, abused or dehumanized. Have you considered therapy to help you work through your feelings?

[krobinson103]

I've been working very hard to squash the hyper vigilance that developed from a young age. I think as you become more comfortable in your skin it gets easier because you build a chain of success in being seen as you wish to be seen. That doesn't stop those nagging little voices though... what are they really seeing? I am just fooling myself? I usually just banish them and accept what people present to me.

[Northern Star Girl]

I've been working very hard to squash the hyper vigilance that developed from a young age. I think as you become more comfortable in your skin it gets easier because you build a chain of success in being seen as you wish to be seen. That doesn't stop those nagging little voices though... what are they really seeing? I am just fooling myself? I usually just banish them and accept what people present to me.

@krobinson103
Excellent way to handle things going on in your mind with the "nagging little voices" ... 
Yes, ignoring the nagging and negative thoughts and concentrating on your successes and accept what people present to you is a good plan that seems to be working well for you in your transition journey.

Thanks for posting your encouraging update.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle

[Veyda]

I am a survivor of childhood sexual and psychological abuse. Hypervigilence is a common reaction to trauma. Eliminating a stressor has nothing to do with eliminating our feelings about the stress itself . You do not mention whether you were at one time had been clocked, abused or dehumanized. Have you considered therapy to help you work through your feelings?

I've been abused less than many others, but I was always a bit biased towards being careful around others all my life. I'd prefer not to relive those traumas to record for an FYI post. I've found therapists to be unhelpful at treating this specific trauma due to either a lack of trans experience or a lack of anxiety/hypervigilant experience. I either get a carebear telling me I'm valid or someone who fundamentally does not understand my experience. Mental health care is outside my abilities to attain right now anyway, so it's moot.

I've been working very hard to squash the hyper vigilance that developed from a young age. I think as you become more comfortable in your skin it gets easier because you build a chain of success in being seen as you wish to be seen. That doesn't stop those nagging little voices though... what are they really seeing? I am just fooling myself? I usually just banish them and accept what people present to me.

I've seen a slow trend over the years in the opposite direction, oddly enough. How do you 'Banish them'? I was more outgoing and engaged early in my transition and I've become more withdrawn and disconnected in later years. The funny thing is I don't feel depressed or unhappy at home, alone, or with my husband and friends- just around the public, the office, etc.. I'm happy with all that I've accomplished and it's entirely what I expected from transitioning.

[krobinson103]

I've been abused less than many others, but I was always a bit biased towards being careful around others all my life. I'd prefer not to relive those traumas to record for an FYI post. I've found therapists to be unhelpful at treating this specific trauma due to either a lack of trans experience or a lack of anxiety/hypervigilant experience. I either get a carebear telling me I'm valid or someone who fundamentally does not understand my experience. Mental health care is outside my abilities to attain right now anyway, so it's moot.

I've seen a slow trend over the years in the opposite direction, oddly enough. How do you 'Banish them'? I was more outgoing and engaged early in my transition and I've become more withdrawn and disconnected in later years. The funny thing is I don't feel depressed or unhappy at home, alone, or with my husband and friends- just around the public, the office, etc.. I'm happy with all that I've accomplished and it's entirely what I expected from transitioning.

You need to build up your confidence to a level that the fears and stray thoughts become interlopers. Then when they come you know they have no power over you so you can ignore them. Its taking me a while, but I'm almost at a point where I feel that the acceptance that people seem to give me is in fact real. It does depend on how old my estrogen patch is some days....

[SallyChoasAura]

I was bullied a lot as a child and when I was 3-6 I had a babysitter that was... not to great... I don't feel comfortable with sharing the exact details. As a result, I do tend to be hypervigilant of people around me. I can be judgemental of people who I think look creepy or are "suspicious."
I always think that they are judging me or are talking about me behind my back...
This has nothing to do with being transgender but I think it somewhat relates to the topic.