Do you bury your past or embrace it?

[Nina]

I have no photos, ID, or documentation from the past, but I do reflect on the past once in awhile.

[Northern Star Girl]

Our past is just that, our PAST... and without it we wouldn't be where we are today.
Every once in a while I will turn the pages (actual paper pages) in my private/personal journal and diary that I started keeping up to date when I was in 7th grade.   There is a lot of revealing detail in the what I wrote then that orchestrated my transition in later years when I was in college up to now.   
There are family pictures and other various pictures, report cards, school picture albums, events that I attended, friends that I had made, old employment resumes, my HRT progress reports and photos, etc....  .... basically all my life experiences that I have documented.   

I do not bury my past, I do indeed embrace my past, it is and will always be a part of me. 
On cold rainy nights I will sometimes cuddle in my comfy chair in front of my fireplace and sit and read for hours, sometimes bringing tears to my eyes and sometimes a smile to my face.   Keeping a private and personal journal and diary, at least for me, is very beneficial personal therapy...  it lets me see problems that I encountered and then solutions that I took to overcome those problems.

Just my opinion, that is all...............
Danielle

[Cailan Jerika]

I embrace my past. Since I'm AFAB bi-gender (both binary male and binary female) it doesn't bother me at all to embrace my female history, and it feels great to finally embrace my guy side. There is nothing in my past that bothers me all that much, and so much to celebrate. I certainly wouldn't take down our wedding picture, nor my senior photos. Everything that was good, which is 99% of it, stays.

So, I embrace everything about my past. Even when I get my name changed (I think it will happen next month!) I am keeping my female birth name, just adding on a male name.

[Robbyv213]

I don't think the past is anything that should ever be buried or hidden away. Everything you live through your history is what makes you who you are it develops you you become stronger from it.

I feel like I hear all the time how people completely destroy who they believe they were before they transitioned and I feel that they destroy a part of themselves when doing that.

Let me explain for example being non-binary or identifying as trans female or trans male or whatever the case may be from individual to individual that is still just one aspect of who you are overall it doesn't make you who you are, just like sexuality that's one small aspect of the whole that is you.

So what I'm trying to say is that I will still be me even after a transition I will still have my past I was still me and my past but I am also more myself in my future if that makes sense because I will now be presenting and appearing to the world as I feel I always should have but everything in my past was still me. Like my choice of music won't change my love of fitness and bodybuilding won't change I'll still be a video gamer I'll still love all those things that I love previously even if it makes me more of a tomboy than a girly girl. So I guess that's what I'm trying to say or describe is that you are who you are in your past and in your future regardless you're still going to be you and those things that cause all of our symptoms will hopefully no longer be there in the future and we will be able to finally feel that our body and appearance matches how we were truly supposed to look and appear and that it matches how we feel on the inside.

I don't know if I'm making any sense or if it's coming off in the manner that I hope would be understandable to get the point across that I'm trying to make.

[Sarah B]

Hi Everyone

There is no way that one can runaway from our biological sex or what ever our gender is or is not going to be.  My past was a happy one and there is nothing out of the ordinary, my father was a general labourer and provided for the family and mum was a housewife that raised us four children.  We basically wanted for nothing, food, clothing, a roof over our heads, school and some presents along the way.  Life was basic.

Our father died when he was 40, he was a sick man (two cerebral haemorrhages, he was lucky he survived those).  So mum took up the reigns and continued to provide for her children.  I completed high school at boarding school and my brothers left school early.  They got jobs and they continued with their lives getting married and having children.

Me, I got a certificate in Civil Engineering and I worked for the next 10 years and of course you all know what happened at the end of those 10 years?   That's right I changed my life around.  During those 10 years, I was a competitive swimmer, an Australian national gold and bronze medallist winner, I scuba dived, I flew gliders and I parachuted out of aeroplanes.  I was also a swimming coach that taught and trained national swimmers.

So all in all my childhood and the early stages of my adulthood were normal. My past is an open book and it is the foundation of who I have become.  There is nothing to regret and I totally accept and embrace it whole heartedly.  The only difference in my case during those years all I wanted or longed to be was a female and one other thing.  I wanted to go to university and during those 10 years  it was not possible where I was.

I know, I did not like my picture being taken and funny enough I like photography, so there was not many photos of me being taken of me at that time.  If I did see any photos of me I destroyed them, so there is not many of them left.  I cannot recall if it was because of me that I knew that I wanted to be a female and did not want any photos of my previous self or I did it sub consciously to protect myself in the future.  There are a few exceptions and I will not delete or destroy them.

There are no ID's or documents that exist before I changed my life around.  They are lost in the sands of time and good luck to anyone who wants to try and dig those up.

Danielle says it eloquently (paraphrasing) that;  "our past is our past and we would not be where we are today, without it".

So my past will always be a part of me and I embrace it whole heartedly.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

[Asche]

I agree, I am what my past has made me, and I have no intention of telling people any different.

However, in the current political climate when you might need to present your birth certificate to use a toilet, I figured it was better to change my birth certificate.  I also fear that if things keep going this way, especially if the transphobes take over the US Federal government, people who are known to be trans risk being sent to concentration camps or worse.  (Things are reminding me of what Germany was like in the 1920's and 30's)  So while it wasn't the primary reason I got SRS (vaginoplasty), I do feel a bit safer now that a strip search won't out me.  (I still might need to flee the country on short notice.)

[Lilis]

Burying my past can help forget or ignore past experiences, especially negative ones. This can provide a sense of closure and allow me to move forward.  But burying my past can prevent me from learning from it, and unresolved issues might resurface later, causing me problems.

I rather embrace my past, acknowledging my past experiences, both positive and negative, and using them to shape me who I am today. This helps me better understand myself, and I learn from past mistakes and try to build on the things that I was successful with.

Working with my therapist has helped me process my experiences both negative and positive develop healthy coping mechanisms.

[darksou]

It is a personal experience for me, but I embrace my past in the sense that I'm not too bothered about being openly trans. Being treated like a girl or deadnamed though? It can still affect me. I'd say the thing I want to embrace the most is my feminine side once I manage to get to a point I'm not as dysphoric about my body anymore. I hope top surgery will get done soon for this.

[Sarah B]

Hi Darksou

Like you and there are others we embrace our past.  I mentioned in my post above, "So my past will always be a part of me and I embrace it whole heartedly."  Lilis mentioned in her post and summarizes perfectly "whether one should bury or embrace it."

Burying my past can help forget or ignore past experiences, especially negative ones. This can provide a sense of closure and allow me to move forward.  But burying my past can prevent me from learning from it, and unresolved issues might resurface later, causing me problems.

I rather embrace my past, acknowledging my past experiences, both positive and negative, and using them to shape me who I am today. This helps me better understand myself, and I learn from past mistakes and try to build on the things that I was successful with.

Working with my therapist has helped me process my experiences both negative and positive develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Continuing with hormones will solve the misgendering and if it persists along with <deadname>, then one way to deal with it is to ignore the person concerned or misgender them and give them some other name opposite their gender to boot as well.  Regardles of whether it is a family member or friends.  I know it works.

It's possible that your dysphoric feelings about your body will dissipate, once you have the surgeries you want.  It's similar to me in a sense, I always wanted or longed to be female.  However, when I changed my life around, I no longer had those thoughts.  When I had surgery peace and contentment has reigned supreme ever since.

Take care and all the best.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@darksou
@Lilis

[darksou]

@Sarah B

Thanks a lot. It's my hope that the surgeries I get will give me peace over my gender and body. I love the changes testosterone has been bringing to me and I'm excited to see how else my body will change with it.

[Sarah B]

Hi Darksou

Your welcome.  Once again, just look on YouTube for transformations from FTM.  Even I'm stunned to the changes that are made.

Take care.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@darksou

[Maid Marion]

Where I live folks are sufficiently open minded for me to keep my original name while presenting female.
I plan to switch my driver's license to non-binary when I renew as my photograph looks sufficiently female.

[SoupSarah]

Reflecting on my past as someone who has changed their gender, I've found that embracing it has been essential for my growth and well-being. Transitioning has been a profound journey of self-discovery, one that required me to confront and accept my history in order to build a more authentic future.

For me, burying my past would mean denying a part of my identity and the experiences that shaped who I am today. Embracing it, however, has allowed me to integrate all facets of my life, honoring where I came from while celebrating who I've become. Each step, even the difficult ones, has contributed to my strength and resilience.

Regarding the dichotomy of the question (embracing versus burying the past,), I believe there are more nuanced options. It's not always about fully accepting or completely ignoring past experiences. Sometimes, it's about finding a middle ground—acknowledging the past without letting it define you, learning from it without being consumed by it. The key is to use the past as a foundation for building a better present and future, allowing for healing and personal growth.

In my experience, navigating gender transition involves a continuous process of reconciling past and present identities. This reconciliation doesn't fit neatly into a binary choice of embracing or burying the past. Instead, it's a dynamic, ongoing journey of self-acceptance and transformation. That said, my past is mine.. and I share it only with those whom I want to. That is very few people at all.

[KathyLauren]

Where I live, people are open and accepting for the most part.  I don't draw attention to my being trans, but I don't deny my past. 

One of the highlights of my male past was my time in the air force.  I am still in contact with many of the people I knew then, and sharing memories with them is a pleasant experience.  Of course, that means I am outed to all those people, and that is just fine with me and them.  Those interactions enrich my life today.

Of course, the political climate could change overnight with an election count that goes the wrong way.  If that happens, I might have to bury my past a little deeper.  One of the reasons (though not the primary one) that I changed my birth certificate as soon as I was able to, and had GCS, was to allow me the option of going stealth should the political and social climate require it.

[Allie Jayne]

Hi Everyone

There is no way that one can runaway from our biological sex or what ever our gender is or is not going to be.  My past was a happy one and there is nothing out of the ordinary, my father was a general labourer and provided for the family and mum was a housewife that raised us four children.  We basically wanted for nothing, food, clothing, a roof over our heads, school and some presents along the way.  Life was basic.

Our father died when he was 40, he was a sick man (two cerebral haemorrhages, he was lucky he survived those).  So mum took up the reigns and continued to provide for her children.  I completed high school at boarding school and my brothers left school early.  They got jobs and they continued with their lives getting married and having children.

Me, I got a certificate in Civil Engineering and I worked for the next 10 years and of course you all know what happened at the end of those 10 years?   That's right I changed my life around.  During those 10 years, I was a competitive swimmer, an Australian national gold and bronze medallist winner, I scuba dived, I flew gliders and I parachuted out of aeroplanes.  I was also a swimming coach that taught and trained national swimmers.

So all in all my childhood and the early stages of my adulthood were normal. My past is an open book and it is the foundation of who I have become.  There is nothing to regret and I totally accept and embrace it whole heartedly.  The only difference in my case during those years all I wanted or longed to be was a female and one other thing.  I wanted to go to university and during those 10 years  it was not possible where I was.

I know, I did not like my picture being taken and funny enough I like photography, so there was not many photos of me being taken of me at that time.  If I did see any photos of me I destroyed them, so there is not many of them left.  I cannot recall if it was because of me that I knew that I wanted to be a female and did not want any photos of my previous self or I did it sub consciously to protect myself in the future.  There are a few exceptions and I will not delete or destroy them.

There are no ID's or documents that exist before I changed my life around.  They are lost in the sands of time and good luck to anyone who wants to try and dig those up.

Danielle says it eloquently (paraphrasing) that;  "our past is our past and we would not be where we are today, without it".

So my past will always be a part of me and I embrace it whole heartedly.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

Sarah,
         I was prominent in the Scuba Community, I wrote columns in Dive Log, and Sportdiving, co authored some books, was involved in some documentaries, moderated a national scuba forum, am a life member of my scuba club, have my old name on a plaque on a popular wreck. I have many connections from those days, and I came out publicly to the whole scuba community in my state, to be accepted unconditionally. Post transition, I am still treated the same as I had been for 35 years, and I continue to embrace my past.

I don't have much of a self identity other than I'm me, and I have had to make some changes to alleviate a condition I had which was making me unwell. Other than that, I am the same person I always was (though a bit older!) and so I relate both publicly and personally to my old identity (which was also me!). I always shied away from having my picture taken, and still do, but I do have pictures of my old self on the walls of my home. These are in memories of family events which I cherish, and seeing them warms me.

Being trans is just a small part of my life. I had to deal with it, and yes, it changed things, but it didn't change me, or how I relate to my past.

Hugs,

Allie

[Sephirah]

"Look back over the past, with its changing empires that rose and fell, and you can foresee the future, too."

- Marcus Aurelius

[Mariah]

I have very little of documentation from before and most of that is here on the site. I don't run from it or hide it. Hugs Mariah.