It's Finally Happening

[Julie Marie]

My transition has been filled with many doubts. What will life be like when I'm post op?  How will my kids react?  Will my son ever talk to me after the surgery?  How will it be when there's no turning back?  And on and on.

When friends tell me of their stories I become the guru. "You must accept yourself before others will." "Be true to yourself and the rest will take care of itself."  Many here have heard me say similar things.  I've never lied or said anything I didn't believe in but for some reason the doubts I had made it hard for me to believe any of this was true for ME!  Why?

The problem was I still felt the world saw me as a man.  My kids called me dad.  My coworkers saw me as male no matter how femininely I presented myself. Even though the image in the mirror was that of a woman, I still felt the world would never accept me as such.  So I fed myself a litany of nonsense trying to convince the doubts they were right.  It didn't work.

My best friend and I talk every day, often times several times a day. And we spend a lot of time togther.  We're in very much the same place.  We will be in Montreal and have GRS the same day.  We're kind of joined at the hip.  We could have been twins but I would have been the wild crazy one and she would have been the intelligent, sophisticated and cultured one.  Whatever brought us together doesn't matter.  What does is we are one another's support team.  She deserves a lot of credit for giving me the courage to stay on the path.  I love her to death!

So in spite of the doubts and with the encouragement of my best friend I forged ahead.  It was very hard at times to believe I could succeed.  The holidays have been very hard since my transition began.  I never knew what it was like spending Christmas alone until I began my transition.  That was really tough.

This past Thanksgiving my best friend found herself ousted from her family because of her transitioning.  We spent the day together and had a wonderful time.  Still, it was so sad she couldn't even be with her children that day.  She forged ahead with amazing courage, determined not to let anyone persuade her from being true to herself.  When I heard this my heart soared!  This is a woman who has so much goodness and kindness in her it boggled my mind that anyone would reject her.  She's given her life to making everyone else happy.  And here she is, finally taking care of herself!  I was so happy for her I almost cried.  And her courage taught me a lot.

I had long ago come out to my family.  My kids didn't take it well.  My daughter was trying but my youngest son stood his ground.  My stepson disappeared.  But my best friend stayed by my side.  At times I felt I had to do this because I couldn't let her down.  I know, crazy thinking.  I knew then as I've known all my life, I want to live a girl's/woman's life.  That's been a constant throughout my life.  My upbringing just did a fabulous job convincing me that was impossible.

Two months ago my daughter called and said she was living with an abusive husband.  It was serious.  I immediately flew her back home.  When I picked her up at the airport her plans were to live with me.  It made sense, her bedroom was still the same, many of her things were here and the house where she grew up would provide her some comfort after her ordeal.  She visited my ex a few days later and didn't come back.  She couldn't handle full time Julie.  I was crushed!

Last week she moved back in with me.  What happened along the line is lengthy but most of it was she needed her mom then.  As she got back to her old self she realized we've always gotten along well and she wanted to stay with me.  She now seemed to accept me totally.  I could go on about how accepting she is but this is getting long.  But today she came into my bathroom while I was putting on my makeup and asked me how she looked in her outfit.  We spent the next 20 minutes trying to find something that worked for her.  Pretty cool.

The doubts have all but vanished.  And I will be coming out at work rather than retire.  I never thought I'd say that.  I owe a lot to my best friend but there's no doubt my daughter's acceptance has played a huge part.  After all, isn't that what we all want, acceptance?

By next June I'll be totally full time, even at work.  Of that there's no doubt.  And that's what's the difference, there's no doubt.  When you believe in yourself doubt disappears.  It can be magical.

Happy Holidays to all!  May the magic of the holiday bring you joy!

Julie

[gothique11]

Awesomeness!

[KarenLyn]

Congratulations Julie! Couldn't happen to a nicer person.

Karen Lyn

[Wing Walker]

Thank you for sharing all that you did, Julie. 

It's all in the attitude.  When you don't allow doubt into your life you can do anything your mind sets on doing.

I'm happy that you and your daughter get on well.  That's another blessing.

Your best friend is a lifetime gift.  Hang onto her and don't share her with anyone else!  It's so hard to find one like her.

Stay well and keep smiling!

Wing Walker

[Hazumu]

The doubts have all but vanished.  And I will be coming out at work rather than retire.  I never thought I'd say that.  I owe a lot to my best friend but there's no doubt my daughter's acceptance has played a huge part.  After all, isn't that what we all want, acceptance?

By next June I'll be totally full time, even at work.  Of that there's no doubt.  And that's what's the difference, there's no doubt.  When you believe in yourself doubt disappears.  It can be magical.

Damn straight it's magical!

Congtulations, Julia!

Karen

[Diane]

It's good to hear things are going so well for you Julie, congratulations !!!

[cjennyb]

Julie Marie,

Your story gives us all great hope.  You are truly blessed.
I hope that it grows into a lifetime of joy.

Jenny

[juliekins]

Julie Marie,

I just read your note (of course you TOLD me that you finally posted
some thing new! ha ha ), and for those who know you so well- it comes
straight from your heart like everything else!

I am so excited to know that both your daughter and the rest of the
world is finally starting to see and enjoy such a wonderful person.
Your smile fills a room like no one else I know! Your daughter is so lucky
to have you as a parent!

I owe you so much, I can't even begin to list everything. Then again,
it might go to your head! yuck, yuck. Without you, I would be no where
as far along in my transition as I find myself. You have helped me in
immeasurable ways when I'm down or needed a new perspective on
children, family or work.

If all goes as planned, we'll spend a couple of weeks in Montreal together.
Granted, I wish we could have done some more sightseeing, but will
be a little, shall we say, sore?

I know what someone here said about holding on to your best friend,
and not sharing her. I'd love a few more people to truly get to know
and love the person that has meant so much to me! I can't believe it's
only been a little over 1 year! We must have been brought together
years ago up in the cosmos and simply rejoined down here, I think.

Stay strong, and continue to be confidently your wonderful, feminine
self.

All the best, and Merry X-mas!!

[Alena43]

Julie,
Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt personal story with me. I have been really struggling lately and just having an all around rough time. Your words were very inspiriing to hear that no matter what the most important thing is to be tru to yourself. I have kinda forgotten that lately and have been second guessing my every decsion. I am so grateful for the posts on this site, i don't think I could make it through this without having people that have already been through what I am going through and sharing their personal stories hear. You are all such a great inspirations, and seems like very time I need to find something that I need to read or hear I find it here and it really helps. i am truly blessed to have found the this site and the wondeful ladies here.

Congrats and I am so glad that things are going so well for you and I hope you have a life of great joy, peace, and happiness.

Hugz,
Ariana