Hi everyone
I just joined up (posted my introduction in the thread). This is about my 3rd or 4th time trying this in recent weeks. I've been on other sites which I've found either unhelpful, immature, dismissive or wholly inappropriate. I've seen a lot of people really help each other and just interact and talk with my recon of Susan's place so I'm giving it a try.
I apologise in advance for the essay
I'm a 30 year old married person. I am living with Gender Dysphoria. I've only recently come to terms with this after years of battling back thoughts and feelings and burying them to the point of bursting.
It's all I've been thinking about lately. It consumes me. Wishing and hoping that I would suddenly, magically wake up a woman. I've been having anxiety attacks. I've been to my GP and lied my butt off to her about why I feel I've been having them but she referred me to therapy which is what I really wanted anyway as I can't cope with it. My initial session went well and they were really welcoming and understanding. I'm just waiting for a therapist to be free but hopefully not too long fingers crossed.
I love my wife, I'm still attracted to my wife. I'm afraid of losing her. I recently told her about my identity issues but I did it the cowards way. I told her when she wasn't at her full facilities which made things a million times worse. She has since forgiven me for it (which I'm grateful for) and she's supportive of my pursuit of therapy but she's said a few times she wouldn't accept it if I were to transition in the future so it feels like a lose/lose situation to me which really get's me down.
I find being Abigail online helps ease my anxiety and is rather liberating. There are parts of me that wonder is this even real what I'm going through. Sometimes it doesn't feel real it just feels numbing. I don't really know where I take my life from here. Therapy is the next thing then one step in front of the other after that whichever way I go.
Thanks for reading
Abi