Parents to teenagers

[MeTony]

I am so angry at my son. He does not respect the time he's supposed to go home. It is 1.20 AM here now. I called him and asked where he is. He is 10km from home!!

I was mad at him. He started blaming group pressure. He is on his way home now,  1 1/2 hours too late. Or actually 3 1/2 hours late.

I will tell him he won't go out with his best friends at all after the camp.  He does not respect the rules. He has no respect for us sitting up and wating for him. He lies about where he is.

No more. He won't see these two friends anymore after 6 PM. If he breaks that rule he won't see them at all.

Am I overrescting or too hard on him? He is 13 years old.


Tony

[Dena]

You may not be hard enough on him. Grounding normally means the child can be in one of two places, school or home. There is no visiting with friends unless it's under your roof and with your supervision. When I was growing up, I knew when the curfew was  and I didn't dare be late without a very good reason.

Never make rules unless you have a good reason and don't allow them to be broken. At 13 years of age I would think a 10PM curfew would be more than fair as your child probably should be getting up around 6-7 am even during the summer.

[Cindy]

I can think of no good reason why a child of 13 should be out without parental supervision at 1.30 am!!

I would throw the book at him! Lovingly of course.

[Julia1996]

I don't think you are being too hard on your son at all. If you want to talk about strict try having a dad who is a cop. When my brother turned 16 he was allowed to stay out until 11pm if it wasn't a school night and my dad had to know where he was and who he was with. And he would totally check too. And he would give Tyler a breathalizer test when he got home to make sure he hadn't been drinking. Not to mention the random drug tests he gave us both growing up. When Tyler turned 18 he let him stay out till midnight but the same rules applied. He wasn't so generous with me. I had one friend who lived on our street and unless I was at her house my dad didn't even want me out after dark. When I turned 18 he would let me stay out until 11 but he had to know exactly where I was and who I was with and he always checked to be sure I was where I said I would be. When I pointed out that I was 18 he said he didn't care and that there was nothing a teenage girl should be doing after 11pm. After I started dating Tristan and after he did a background check on him (yes he actually did that) I was allowed to stay out with him until a reasonable time, which for my dad was no later than 1 am. But if I wasn't with Tristan he still wanted me home by 11.  I'm now 20 years old and my dad STILL doesn't want me out past 11 unless I'm with Tristan. His reasoning is that since I'm not old enough to get into clubs there is nothing I should be doing by myself after 11. Being a cop my dad has seen a lot of awful things so I kind of understand why he's overprotective. But to answer your question, NO I don't think you're being to hard on your son.

[LexieDragon]

I don't think you are being too hard on your son at all. If you want to talk about strict try having a dad who is a cop. When my brother turned 16 he was allowed to stay out until 11pm if it wasn't a school night and my dad had to know where he was and who he was with. And he would totally check too. And he would give Tyler a breathalizer test when he got home to make sure he hadn't been drinking. Not to mention the random drug tests he gave us both growing up. When Tyler turned 18 he let him stay out till midnight but the same rules applied. He wasn't so generous with me. I had one friend who lived on our street and unless I was at her house my dad didn't even want me out after dark. When I turned 18 he would let me stay out until 11 but he had to know exactly where I was and who I was with and he always checked to be sure I was where I said I would be. When I pointed out that I was 18 he said he didn't care and that there was nothing a teenage girl should be doing after 11pm. After I started dating Tristan and after he did a background check on him (yes he actually did that) I was allowed to stay out with him until a reasonable time, which for my dad was no later than 1 am. But if I wasn't with Tristan he still wanted me home by 11.  I'm now 20 years old and my dad STILL doesn't want me out past 11 unless I'm with Tristan. His reasoning is that since I'm not old enough to get into clubs there is nothing I should be doing by myself after 11. Being a cop my dad has seen a lot of awful things so I kind of understand why he's overprotective. But to answer your question, NO I don't think you're being to hard on your son.

Clubs? You are def old enough to go to clubs. Just not to drink. Blah. I say when you are old enough to vote and hold a job that has over night hours, you are old enough to be out to whatever time you feel like.

Still. It's nice to know that you have a father who cares that much about you that he worries despite your being an adult.


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[MeTony]

Thank you all!

I'm on a summer camp with him now. We will talk about this at home on Sunday.

I'm a guard, I've also seen the down side of society. Worked nights before the kids were born.