Its been so long since I came to the site. I've had a couple major things happen and hopefully some of you can relate. First is one which I regret. The Gender Therapist's office called (They were so busy they were not even making appointments) So the 6 to 8 weeks wait before they would call to make an appointment happened which gave me too much time to freak out so... When they called I just stammered that I was backing out. The lady that called was very nice and said it was ok to call later.
So for those that haven't read my intro post I have been (I know this is bad) using black market estrogel and ditched testosterone (Androgel) I found this to be a bit of a nothing feeling. No sex drive, no energy etc. So I went to a small amount of testosterone and things felt so much better. I had an orchiectomy years ago so I don't need a blocker. In fact without one my T levels are sub normal for males (Of course) or females.
So at long last I had my regular appointment with my Endo which I told myself was when I would either be caught or have to fess up and came clean. I decided to just blurt out the truth about the black market estrogel. My Doctor had to repeat back to me what I said "So your taking estrogen right??" I admitted this waiting for some horrible response. What a relief.... My endo was so great about it. I didn't think it possible but I like her even more. She asked me how I felt on this mix. I told her about going from having two emotions (Angry / Hungry) to having a bazillion. She laughed. And the mental improvements. I feel a lot sharper and memory seems to be much improved, I forgot to tell her about the increased sense of smell. She talked about breast changes etc and she asked if it was painful. She asked me if I hadn't complained about that before and I told her that when I saw her last I wasn't using estrogel. Anyway after a totally not weird or scary conversation she said that she was totally ok with what I was doing other then insure I wasn't doing something too wild with the HRT combo I was on. Oh and happy that it was helping with depression and sex drive. She joked that she was far more concerned with people who were abusing testosterone by taking too much of that. She said I could titrate / adjust my dose (I was surprised) to find the best spot. Within reason anyway. Not that its important but I (we) think that because of the Arimidex I had abnormally low E which totally killed my sex drive.
So anyway I probably should note that I second guessed myself once between starting HRT and now. Went all Testosterone for a day. Ugh... I even considered letting the estrogel just run out and decided to hell with that.
Maybe its only a baby step but at least one person knows and at this point probably the most important person that has to know. Doing hormones unsupervised was no good other then that it put me on some kind of plan. Ignore it doesn't make it go away. Anyway I wanted to tell somebody so all of you are my somebody.
