Hello from Joanne

[Joanne ONeal]

Hello, My chosen name is Joanne. I am 66 yo, and came to terms with my dysphoria 2 years ago. I've been married 45 years to a beautiful woman who finally understands what/who I am. She knew I CD'ed before we were married, and she thought it was just a fetish for me. It divided us in terms of intimacy, but as time went on I got used to it. I thought I was the only man in the world who felt so good while wear women's clothing. I under-dressed secretly as much as I could. I have always presented myself on the outside as a tough guy man. But I wanted more. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Not knowing what the future would bring, I needed to get out and express myself as a women. Depression hit hard! I considered suicide many times. I sought the help of a TG friendly therapist, and talked my wife into attending the first appointment. After opening up to the therapist with my wife present, she was amazed at the secrets I had kept my entire life! She realized this was not and fetish! It has nothing to do with sex! It is the way I have felt inside for as long as I can remember.  I think it started when I was around 8 years old. Thats when I first tried on a pair of my sisters panties. I have dealt with this for a long time.
We have 3 grown children and 7 grandchildren. I can not or will not jeopardize my Grandfather status!! I do get out occasionally as Joanne. I sometimes visit the therapist in Joanne mode. I attend a TG support once a month as Joanne. My wife does not want to see me as Joanne yet, but I'm not pushing that. I dress very conservatively to not draw attention. I just want to blend in as the women trapped inside this mans body.
I am still taking major anti-depression medication, and I hate it! Both my PCP Doctor and my Therapist are OK with me starting HRT. I would like to know if hormones would help with the depression. I would welcome the physical effects, but improving my emotional state is most important. I would not wish being TG on anyone! Sometimes the pain is unbearable. I am lucky to have survived the depression.  But when I'm out as Joanne, that pain is non-existent.
BTW, I am now cancer free! At my age, I didn't need that prostate anyway. My last PSA test was .001.           

[steph2.0]

Hello Joanne, and welcome to Susan's Place. Thank you so much for joining and telling your story. We all have different paths but similar pain, and every path is as valid as any other. You'll find this place to be understanding and helpful no matter where you come from and where you're going. I'm sorry for your pain when you have to submerge Joanne, but I hope the times you allow yourself to be completely her help compensate. Your decision on how to handle it all is uniquely your own, and I applaud you for understanding yourself well enough to know what you need to do.

As an official greeter here, allow me to introduce you to our rules. They keep us all safe and ensure the warm, helpful nature of this corner of the Internet.

Thank you for being here. I'm looking forward to reading more of your story when you're ready to tell it.

Stephanie

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[Katie Jade]

Hi
Welcome, an official greeter will post the dos and donts  for the site.
However I do feel your pain, I was married for 26 years, and separated recently after hiding everything inside. It is completely unbearable, but you need to know that many have had a happy and soulful life, especially if you can remain a grandfather and husband to your wife. The extent of your needed change will become apparent as time progresses, as this isn't a binary issue - man/woman, and many have perfectly happy lives with their families as a result of not  identifying  as either. You do need to research all about this, but believe me you are unique, in that your are right, and you should rejoice in that fact. Understand that and you will be happier. Society and our upbringing (im 56) pushes us to one state or the other, but in reality we are happiest being somewhere between and that s everyone, male female or in between. There is no shame in living your life as you are and were meant to be. We are fortunate to have a more open and understanding society nowadays, I would not have come out for certain if this had not changes. I think I know what would have ended up happening, but the extremes of yesteryear are most certainly not to be considered.
Anyway I go on.
Please ask anyone any question you like, subject to the sites terms of use, and the millions of us should be able to help or suggest guidance.

luv n Hugz
Katie



PS please read the terms before posting, sorry but best safe than sorry..

[Katie Jade]

Steph beat me to it and posted the terms - shows you that the site is very actively managed (Womanged?) - also excuse my spellings as Im tiered and need beauty sleep

Take care and bless

Katie

[Northern Star Girl]

@Joanne ONeal
Dear Joanne:   
I see that our very lovely member @KathyLauren  has already welcomed you earlier this morning on another thread that you first posted on but please allow me to also warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place

Thank you for coming here to the Introductions Forum and posting your introduction.   I am glad that you have become a member of Susan's Place.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..
   
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 
Included in the LINKS that  KathyLauren  posted below her early welcome message to you there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[V M]

Hi Joanne 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Kirsteneklund7]

I think your plan to remain husband and grandfather is a sound one. Also I think HRT as you suggest can help mitigate the dysphoria. A lot of people including  myself found the gravity of new emotions and mindset took some getting used to. Also while HRT works it's magic your domestic situation will probably need some adjustment as well. Once things settle you may find HRT really does offset the depression - it did for me! In the end it might be a way off anti-depressants.
HRT and part time female can work. I believe it's better than grinning and bearing it!
Wishing you the best, Kirsten.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[Joanne ONeal]

Thanks to all! I find it very hard to see myself being as happy as you all are. I think about being my true self 24/7. I can't sleep at night. I am embarrassed to have these feelings of wanting to be a women. My therapist is very understanding about where I am. She does not try to push me in any one direction. She tells me the decision is all mine to make. I have  hidden from myself for 66 years, and the pain is unbearable. Its is no wonder the suicide rate is so high for transgender individuals. How do I give up being a Grandpa? OK I have to quit before my tears short out my keyboard!   

[KathyLauren]

Joanne, one piece of advice that I can give you is to not be embarrassed.  Whether or not you do anything towards transition, you are only trying to be yourself.  It is nothing to be embarrassed about!  Everyone else in the world gets to be themselves.  Why shouldn't we?  Even if we choose not to reveal ourselves to the world or to our loved ones, there is nothing wrong with wishing to be yourself.

We are taught by society to be embarrassed about who we are.  There is no good reason for that.  We should not believe that about ourselves.  Be proud of who you are!