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Which hurts less

Started by Emma1017, August 24, 2018, 12:42:27 PM

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0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Linde

Quote from: christinej78 on March 09, 2019, 06:06:04 PM
Hi Linde,                         09 March 2019

All I can say is "Amen."

Vicky got her new monocle installed today.

Best Always, love
Christine
Pretty soon the happy riding will start for the old girl (both of them)?
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Emma1017

Earlier in this thread I posted an interview with Nora Monsecour.  The movie about her will be released by Netflix on March 15.

I am re-posting it here because I thought it was so inspiring.

Hugs,

Emma

"Those criticizing Girl are preventing another trans story from being shared in the world, and are also attempting to silence me and my trans identity," Monsecour wrote, in part. "Every day, I see young, transgender people fighting for their dreams, accomplishing their goals. They are not weak and fragile. Girl tells my story in a way that doesn't lie, doesn't hide. To argue that Lara's experience as trans is not valid because [director] Lukas [Dhont] is cis or because we have a cis lead actor offends me."

"I made it through my darkest, most challenging times," she continued. "I am a professional dancer and a unique, brave, strong woman that knows exactly who she is and what she wants. Now, I can proudly say that I am transgender. I faced my challenges and my naysayers head-on and did not back down from my convictions. I will do the same to support this film, my friend Lukas, and this story."

Girl, directed by Dhont, a Belgian filmmaker, stars cisgender actor Victor Poslter as Lara, a 15-year-old trans teen who's based on Monsecour's real-life journey to become a trained dancer from a young age. The film currently enjoys a 95 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoesthis link opens in a new tab from 19 logged reviews written predominantly by cisgender male critics.

According to trans critics who've seen Girl, the issues go beyond the still prevalent problem of cisgender talent telling trans stories. Tre'vell Anderson from Out and Oliver Whitney from THR pointed EW to the camera's lingering fascination with Lara's genitals, featuring what they deemed to be unnecessary close-up shots of Lara "peeling tape off of her penis" and hovering "over her crotch." Others also criticized the apparent disregard of Lara's internal struggles.

Monsecour wrote that "Girl is not a representation of all transgender experiences, but rather a retelling of experiences that I faced during my journey."

"I spent countless hours focusing on my internal demons and feeling betrayed by my physical body," she added. "What hurt me the most was not the people who bullied me, who put me down, who didn't want me to succeed. What caused me the most turmoil was myself and my thoughts. In Girl, these thoughts became an important part of Lara's psyche too. I'm thankful to the team at Ghent Hospital, who helped me throughout my treatment, and consulted closely with Lukas on the film to ensure we were accurate. This was integral in developing the character of Lara."

(Spoiler warning.) Multiple critics, in conversation with EW, pointed to a particularly gruesome scene that closes out the film. One described Girl at large as "trans trauma porn" with "a sick kind of delight in portraying a trans body as a site of suffering."

Monsecour also defended the final scenes of Girl, though she clarified they weren't part of her real story.

"We made a film with some hard, honest scenes," she wrote. "Scenes that might be disturbing to watch, but that are crucial to show. I do not want to sugarcoat my experiences or hide away my darkest thoughts. I shouldn't have to — they are real and not uncommon in the trans community. Though my story does not include this final event, it's a thought that lingered in my mind every day."

"The process of creating Girl allowed me to accept myself as transgender and helped me finally love myself without anger or shame," Monsecour wrote. "But I also saw the tears rolling down the cheeks of young, trans girls standing in front of me when the film premiered in Cannes. I can still feel the warmth of their hugs, the smiles on their faces and I still read the messages of their parents thanking me. Girl is made for them, by a director who believed in me. A cis director who believed that my trans story deserved to be heard. A human being that loved someone so much, he dedicated 10 years of his life thinking about how to tell her story."

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GinaG

Thanks for the reminder. I really want to this.

Hugs

Gina
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GinaG

I love the phrase love myself without anger or shame.
I need to remember that

Gina
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KimOct

I love inspiration.  Thanks Emma for sharing and Gina for believing.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself
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Linde

This film was a great success in Germany, even the non trans people really liked it.  I hope it comes to Amazon pime soon, because I do not have Netflix.
I can't wait to see it!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Emma1017

#526
I keep playing the trailer for GIRL on YouTube. It makes me tear up every time.
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GinaG

Hi

Just watched the trailor. Wow!

"And a new therapist tomorrow.  She sounds realy good.   Baby steps.

Thanks you are a gem.

Gina
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Emma1017

Glad you liked it Gina. It gets me every time. It is my trans fantasy. I always wanted to dance ballet.
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KatieP

Quote from: Emma1017 on March 08, 2019, 11:18:20 AM


I need one year to present male.  I have already started HRT and laser.  I start with a voice coach next month.  I have someone teaching me make up.  I don't want to increase the HRT until September.

Am I missing anything? 


Hello Emma,
Therapist is not on your list. By mistake, or on purpose?

As for voice work, it might take a year to get good enough that you are comfortable. And, likely, if you work for a year, you should be able to switch back and forth, although people are likely to perceive you as "gay" when in boy mode. At least this is my experience. And as I have said in other places, my time with my Speech Pathologist was literally life changing. More than hormones and any other medical procedure, since even if they can't see you, you can be perceived as female. I can cover up or augment all of the things hormones and surgeries did or would do. But you can't cover up your voice. Go for it, I say!  ;D

Kate
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Emma1017

Thanks Katie.  I appreciate the advice.  I know I will need lots more.

I have a great therapist who is slowly working her way into my will... ;)   I will continue with her for the foreseeable future.

I intend to see where this year puts me and I will use this time to research everything thing that I plan to do and start what I can.  My wife is the most important and our relationship is the most challenging. 

This may be the slowest year in my life.  I really hope it is not the saddest.
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Moonflower

Quote from: KimOct on March 06, 2019, 11:23:31 PM
For those of you that have not met Moonflower SHE ROCKS !!! 

Any MtF that has a wife as supportive as her is lucky indeed.

May all of you with a spouse be as blessed.

Don't be a stranger in these parts Moonflower  :)

Kim! You caught me off guard! I can respond with distancing sarcasm, or feminine graciousness. Let's see how this works.

Thank you for such a kind message. I appreciate your support. You SO deserve a supportive spouse/partner/comrade. Let me know how I can help you locate and vet one. 

Kim and Emma, hold on to your dreams!
:icon_wave:
1999 married :icon_archery:
The woman hiding behind my husband's facade gradually revealed herself to just me.
Fall 2018 my sweetheart's coming out full time! :icon_female:
She began HRT but had adverse reactions, so gave up on coming out to protect her health.
Summer 2022 I went through gender confirmation surgery as a result of cancer.
2024 her cardiologist and a therapist wrote letters approving of resuming HRT, and now she's getting on the calendar for surgery!
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Moonflower

Quote from: Emma1017 on March 07, 2019, 12:02:24 PM
Every time I see Emma's smile I know what is right.
May you always remember this declaration. Print it out, frame it, and hang it somewhere?
:icon_wave:
1999 married :icon_archery:
The woman hiding behind my husband's facade gradually revealed herself to just me.
Fall 2018 my sweetheart's coming out full time! :icon_female:
She began HRT but had adverse reactions, so gave up on coming out to protect her health.
Summer 2022 I went through gender confirmation surgery as a result of cancer.
2024 her cardiologist and a therapist wrote letters approving of resuming HRT, and now she's getting on the calendar for surgery!
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HappyMoni

Quote from: Emma1017 on March 11, 2019, 05:44:44 PM

This may be the slowest year in my life.  I really hope it is not the saddest.

You can't get your trans initiation card without extreme impatience. It goes with the territory.


Moonflower, hmmmm, who is this Moonflower? Oh yeah, her, she's awesome! Everyone should have one.  ::)

Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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Moonflower

Quote from: HappyMoni on March 11, 2019, 06:51:30 PM
You can't get your trans initiation card without extreme impatience. It goes with the territory.


Moonflower, hmmmm, who is this Moonflower? Oh yeah, her, she's awesome! Everyone should have one.  ::)

Moni

Mommy! Moni and Kim are ganging up on me! I'm cornered! And deeply grateful to have fluttered into a position of hugging and celebrating and supporting and admiring such honorable people. Thanks for making room for me in your hearts.
:icon_wave:
1999 married :icon_archery:
The woman hiding behind my husband's facade gradually revealed herself to just me.
Fall 2018 my sweetheart's coming out full time! :icon_female:
She began HRT but had adverse reactions, so gave up on coming out to protect her health.
Summer 2022 I went through gender confirmation surgery as a result of cancer.
2024 her cardiologist and a therapist wrote letters approving of resuming HRT, and now she's getting on the calendar for surgery!
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Linde

Quote from: Moonflower on March 11, 2019, 06:58:02 PM
Mommy! Moni and Kim are ganging up on me! I'm cornered! And deeply grateful to have fluttered into a position of hugging and celebrating and supporting and admiring such honorable people. Thanks for making room for me in your hearts.
It is a delight reading your contributions!

Can those of us, who lost their spouses along the line, hire you on an hourly base?  We all need an understanding  shoulder to cry on once in a while!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Emma1017

I definitely am picking up on the Kim/Moni tag team act.  You can be sad periodically but no wimps allowed ;) ;D

Moonflower thanks for having my back. 

This is going to be a year of lots of doubt.  It starts every time I kiss my wife.  My single goal is to keep us together through this.

Its fragile but every day she stays with me gives me hope.
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LizK

I have been reading along and I do hope you manage to keep things together. I know for my partner and I it has been a struggle at times but as things have begun to settle down it seems to be getting easier

Take care

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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Faith

Quote from: Emma1017 on March 12, 2019, 06:21:00 AM... This is going to be a year of lots of doubt.  It starts every time I kiss my wife.  My single goal is to keep us together through this.

Its fragile but every day she stays with me gives me hope.

Love. Keep the love. Work with it, don't let it fade. The phrase 'Love conquers all' is not just a cliché, it's true. It is still up to you to show it, strengthen it. Let her know that, whatever happens, Love is still there.

I know this struggle.
I left the door open, only a few came through. such is my life.

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Emma1017

Dear Liz and Faith:

My plan is to delay the absolute statement that I will transition to my wife until September at the earliest.  Over the next 6 months I hope that things evolve and that we have a natural dialogue without confrontation.

She continues to acknowledge that I am on HRT.  We still hug and we still kiss but we still don't talk about my gender dysphoria much less the possibility that I will transition.  Even I am still having difficulty processing that.

I know that she realizes through my actions and words that I love her and I am not leaving.  I believe that she feels the same and doesn't intend to leave.  I think that she has greater fears of what transitioning means than even me.

Her refusal to speak to a therapist requires my absolute commitment to being patient.


Hugs,

Emma
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