Please allow me to introduce myself

[lavish staircase]

     I just turned 35. As the dysphoria has varied only in its palpability over the same number of years, I have to decided to make the leap. Classic story - father puts the kibosh on your plans to go as Rainbow Brite for Halloween (sadly relegated to a stupid Color Kid) and childhood wishes of waking up a girl never came true. Youth and it awkwardness are compounded by the obvious. Became a musician, dropped out of college, got a job. Kind of out-ish for a hot second in my early twenties among a select few, and with a former girlfriend later on, but no action. Bought a house. Had some "lost years", comprised mainly of drinking, drugs, and cross-dressing alone. If anybody wants the blanks filled, please ask.
     Then my Saturn returned. I got my affairs in order, and moved away to finish college. I worked hard and got into a prestigious audiology program. After an incredibly intense year of grad school, I have about a month off. With time on my hands, I have finally accepted that, notwithstanding unforeseen circumstances or acts of god, I've got to have a crack at transitioning. Were it not for the kindness, support, and courage I have seen on this site, I don't know I could have drummed up the strength. Navigating the waters ahead will be a feat, and I've yet to board the ship. I am excited and mortified, so thanks in advance.

[V M]

Hi lavish staircase 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Hugs

V M

[Northern Star Girl]

@lavish staircase   
Lavish Staircase   
I am so glad that you have become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your interesting introduction posting with other members here on the Forums. 

I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation as you feel free to share it.

I see that our lovely member  @V M  has already welcomed you .. .
but please allow me to also warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 

You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
 
I see that  V M  gave you Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle

[DawnOday]

Lavish..Your story is so familiar. We all have had doubts and delays. I suggest getting your mind settled in by seeking gender therapy. You will need it anyway to get your treatment authorization. If you live in a large city there are probably support groups. I had known for 60 years yet I had never met a transgender person in that time so going to a support group and seeing people like me for the first time was so affirming and now I fit in. I attend meetings in Tacoma and Seattle. I have a good medical plan that pays for most of the transition. I can go no further than HRT because of health problems but if you can get that far you stand a good chance of being the you, you dreamed about. I prayed too. It took God about 55 years to answer my prayers. He seems to have an evil sense of humor.

[Alice V]

Hey

Take what is yours - it seems that what you doing right now Good luck with that. Welcome here, have a good time

[Kirsteneklund7]

Yes Lavish!,
                    A classic story. I personally found working hard, drinking hard and using ironclad denial kept the dysphoria at bay - until I found HRT & expressing my female side & admitting "IT" to myself worked better.
I would love to hear how things unfold for you.
Yours truly, Kirsten [emoji214].

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[lavish staircase]

Thanks everyone.

Dawn - I appreciate your suggestions. I've already started discussing this with my therapist, which may well lead to another therapist, which is good. At this point, HRT is as far as I'm looking ahead, and I will cross that bridge when I get there. In audiology, one of the first things you learn about is the importance of managing expectations. I am coming into this expecting nothing - I just need to know I'm doing something.

As Martin Gore sang, 

"I don't want to start
Any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's
Got a sick sense of humour"

Also, I have never participated in an online forum before. If I am not doing this correctly, please let me know.

[Alice V]

I have never participated in an online forum before. If I am not doing this correctly, please let me know.

Don't worry about that Just be nice and everything will be ok. Also reading links our greeting squad gave you can help, though it mostly about being nice