Hi,
I am so glad Susan's Place exists, I've been lurking for maybe 9 months. So finally created an account and thought I had better introduce myself.
I'm a transwoman, 35 years old, live in London. My trans story so far...
I've always known I am trans but have kept it quiet until recently. I repressed this part of me much of the time through long term, on and off drug abuse, although drug fuelled parties sometimes gave me the chance to express my feminine side it was not in a good/healthy way. After being sober for the last couple of years I realised quite how feminine I really am (seems strange putting it like that). I saw clearly for the first time how I had hidden my true self in chemicals, I could see why partnerships broke down, why I couldn't hold down jobs and some other painful experiences. Sobriety brought clarity and an understanding of my own suffering, which was mostly based on not honestly expressing my gender identity.
Last winter I came out to my partner of 4 years. She was not surprised, and is very supportive. In fact she expressed that she suffers gender dysphoria too. I was not all that surprised either. I did little to transition because our living situation changed soon after. I took a live in care job for my family (I have disabled cousins), I wasn't comfortable transitioning around them. I had one last moment of repression where I shaved my head, how I regret that now, so, so much!! So much
This summer my mum had a stroke, she nearly died. This triggered something in me. Life is too short. I had to be true to myself. So when mum made a recovery I came out to her. She took it very well, and quite nonchalantly. And I splashed out on a nice wig!! Yay long hair!
Earlier this week, I came out to my dad too. He was not surprised, and we cried on each others shoulders. We were both sad I hadn't told him earlier.
There is a whole lot more that happened back when I was a teenager to do with coming out but I'll save that for another post.
Being out to both my parents and my partner I wrote up a deed poll to change my name this week.
Each step brings a sense of freedom, healing, sometimes emotional release, as well as fear and anxiety.
Not sure what else to say.... I guess that's plenty.
Thank you to everyone who posts on Susan's Place, it has helped me in ways I cannot describe. I hope I can contribute positively too.
