Becca's FFS with Zukowski 2018

[Becca Kay]

14 days post op.  here are a few pics i'm sending to the doctor today for follow ups.  Swelling and bruising around my face is uneven.  bruising is much worse across the left side.  My mouth is crooked and i'm hoping that is due to the unevenness of the swelling.  The area causing me the most pain, numbness and swelling at this point is under my jaw and the result of the neck lift.  I wonder how I'd feel right now if I had skipped the neck lift.  however, you can see how tight and defined my jaw neck is.  This was NOT the case prior to surgery. 

I have had some hair loss in the inch or two above my incision.  I am on the fence at this point whether the scalp advancement was worth it.  I was told that i need 2000 micro grafts to feminize my hairline, which I can have done at the Zukowski clinic in 9 months for approx $9k.  Without the scalp advancement I would have needed 3-4k micrografts. 

One thing that doesn't seem to be picked up well in the photos is that the skin on most of my face still has an unhealthy yellowish tint to it.

I still have a bump around my adams apple, but that's only what's left of swelling, which was really really bad immediately post op. 

[Devlyn]

Hey, speedy healing and thanks for sharing your pictures. I know some people don't like to put them out there, so I applaud you for that. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Becca Kay]

as a comparison, here is a pic i took 30 min before my surgery 14 days ago.  Versus one from today.  Sorry for the lines all over my face, Dr Z did that.  You can see how my forehead bumps out and inch or more above my eyebrow, my brow ridge and orbital rims and how the hood my eyes, how prominent the end of my nose is and how my chin extends forward.  All of that was greatly reduced or mitigated.  I am happiest so far with the forehead work, which is very smooth and even under my skin.  Dr Z did a very good job.  I really like so far how my chin no longer juts out. 

[Donica]

Wow Becca! That is a big difference. You are looking much better today. All it takes now is time. Great update girl! Thanks for sharing.

Donica.

[Devlyn]

Wow Becca! That is a big difference. You are looking much better today. All it takes now it time. Great update girl! Thanks for sharing.

Donica.

Still working on that proofread before posting thing, huh, honey?  . <running away>

[Donica]

Still working on that proofread before posting thing, huh, honey?  . <running away>

Yes. In my defense, it's early. I'm still sleepy and working on my first cup of coffee.

[Becca Kay]

Hey, speedy healing and thanks for sharing your pictures. I know some people don't like to put them out there, so I applaud you for that. 

Hugs, Devlyn

yes, it is difficult to post some of these pics.  especially pre op pics where i'm not presenting as female (ie. make up and hair).  But hopefully it helps people who consider these surgeries. 

I think its worth it for people to consider how much they NEED the surgery for themselves or for others.  I didn't need it for other people.  Prior to my surgery I had a good life.  I was rarely/never misgendered in public as long as i was wearing my hair, make up and a skirt or dress. I was finding it easier and easier to date. And now I have a girlfriend who thought i was "hot".  I got good at taking selfies that made me look good!!  My public life was very very good. 

But I couldn't look at myself when I was alone. I wanted to see the person I felt, not just (during the day) the person everyone else saw.  And I wanted to eventually be able to go out in pubic without going through full make up and a wig.

The two photos below are me.  One of them right before my surgery and the other only days earlier.  A lot can be done simply with presentation.  Cis women know this.  Most cis women spend a LOT of time on their presentation. 

People who only know me as Sofia (my real name isn't Becca...) have ONLY seen me presenting as female and wouldn't even recognize the person on the right.  They don't see me as a man.  They don't misgender me.  Colleagues, acquaintances, friends, etc. who have only known Sofia don't see the person on the right. I think for me that's been a huge success in my transition.  HRT has helped.  It has mildly changed my face and body.  It gave me breasts, widened my hips, changed my complextion, etc.  And getting rid of facial hair is a HUGE plus. 

But at the end of the day I had to look at the person on the right every night when I went to bed.  And I couldn't live with that anymore.   

[steph2.0]

People who only know me as Sofia (my real name isn't Becca...) have ONLY seen me presenting as female and wouldn't even recognize the person on the right.  They don't see me as a man.  They don't misgender me.  Colleagues, acquaintances, friends, etc. who have only known Sofia don't see the person on the right. I think for me that's been a huge success in my transition.  HRT has helped.  It has mildly changed my face and body.  It gave me breasts, widened my hips, changed my complextion, etc.  And getting rid of facial hair is a HUGE plus. 

But at the end of the day I had to look at the person on the right every night when I went to bed.  And I couldn't live with that anymore.   

I am absolutely with you there, Sofia. Despite being much older than you, I do seem to be doing okay when I get myself fixed up. The only misgendering I run into any more is with those who knew me "before." I have had friends forcefully question why I would want to put myself through surgeries when they don't see the need for it. I so appreciate their kindness, but I have pictures similar to yours (they are required by the surgeons), and that's who I have to see in the mirror when the enhancements are washed off. Though I do see more of "her" lately, there's still far too much of "him" still there. I reserve the right to take care of myself first. Developing the courage to do what we want to be ourselves is just another benefit of transitioning.

You look great!


Stephanie

[Donica]

Welcome home Sofia!

Warm hugs!
Donica.

[Becca Kay]

I am absolutely with you there, Sofia. Despite being much older than you, I do seem to be doing okay when I get myself fixed up. The only misgendering I run into any more is with those who knew me "before." I have had friends forcefully question why I would to put myself through surgeries when they don't see the need for it. I so appreciate their kindness, but I have pictures similar to yours (they are required by the surgeons), and that's who I have to see in the mirror when the enhancements are washed off. Though I do see more of "her" lately, there's still far too much of "him" still there. I reserve the right to take care of myself first. Developing the courage to do what we want to be ourselves is just another benefit of transitioning.

You look great!


Stephanie

Thank you!  And i don't know how old you are, but I will be 48 soon. 

I have made it known that as soon as I'm recovered from this surgery I will be changing my age to 38

[JudiBlueEyes]

Sofia you look great and your profile view is awesome.  I recall that my chin was numb for quite some time after I had it contoured, but it will come back.  I can certainly see the improvement that scalp advancement has brought.  Your forehead is now like one of my sisters and once you grow out your hair more you'll see that it is fine.  The trachea shave looks good and that swelling will go down.  Remember women have Adam's apples too.  The doctor can only go so far without possibly damaging your vocal chords.  What a wonderful success!
Judi

[josie76]

WOW, the changes are INCREDIBLE! I am truly impressed by how much different he made you look. You looked good before but that would be so nice to not see the boy in the mirror. CONGATS!

[steph2.0]

Thank you!  And i don't know how old you are, but I will be 48 soon. 

I have made it known that as soon as I'm recovered from this surgery I will be changing my age to 38

Interesting age. I turned 60 a few weeks ago, but on my birthday someone guessed I was 48. So when you abandon 48 in favor of 38, I'll take over for you.

Stephanie

[Another Nikki]

Is anyone else unable to see Sofia's photos on page 4?  I see the outline but the photos don't come through.

[Becca Kay]

the third party hosting service i used for my photos is down.  unfortunately, i can't go back and modify earlier posts to replace the photos.

[Becca Kay]

i don't understand why I can't modify posts from yesterday or the day before.  I'm really upset about it.  I want to fix it and replace the pics

[Kendra]

Posts can be easily edited within 24 hours.  After 24 hours a moderator can edit you want - hit the Report to moderator button and fill in the details or feel free to send me a PM.  PM might not be quite as fast since the Report button reaches the entire moderator team and a few are on different time zones.  Glad to help. 

[Another Nikki]

Thanks for updating/fixing the pics.  Impressive changes!

[EvaB]

But I couldn't look at myself when I was alone. I wanted to see the person I felt, not just (during the day) the person everyone else saw.  And I wanted to eventually be able to go out in pubic without going through full make up and a wig.

Hi, Becca (Sofia)
Your journey has been brave and I admire your courage as you go through it.  This quote of yours in particular struck me.  I too cannot look in the mirror and feel OK.  I was a really good looking young man, and now I am old, but underneath I know I am still good looking.  In the mirror, all I see is an old man.  My beauty is there but really hidden.

I am having trouble getting the courage to go out as a woman, because I feel in my own mind that I am a parody of womanhood.  From these chats, i know half the people wouldn't care and most of the other half would look weird at me, but not as much as I look at myself and feel I look weird.  (The remainder look weird at everything, man, woman, child, and transgender, so can't worry about them.)

Thank you for bringing this part of your discussion up, since it has allowed me to express my feelings in this area to myself.

Take heart, you look really good, and if you wore your wig and make up, even with today's uneven results you will look great.  Can you post a picture of you now, with your wig and make up?  Sometimes people are their own worst critic and you may be in this case.

Love, EvaB

[Donica]

the third party hosting service i used for my photos is down.  unfortunately, i can't go back and modify earlier posts to replace the photos.

I don't know what service you are used Sofia but I've been using Imgur. It's free and always seems to work.

Donica.