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Coming out to family..... How do you do this?

Started by milesify, August 19, 2018, 01:46:40 AM

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hi friends, it's been a while since ive had time to visit here so i thought i should give an update.

so much has happened. i dropped off my coming out letter at my parents house. i ended up writing 4 double sided pages explaining absolutely everything: what i had been going through, that i had been seeing professionals, how i believed this was gods choice for me, why i didn't feel safe coming to them before. i also asked them not to contact me until they had read it over and calmed down.. which of course i knew wasn't going to happen, and it didn't. my mums initial reaction was about as bad as i was expecting, she sent me a message begging me not to do anything because she thought it was extreme, everything along those lines. my sister i think was actively scared for me based on my mums reaction, so she sent me a message saying that she would support me which was really heartwarming. i didn't respond to my mum because i wanted her to get it out of her system, she was blowing up my phone with really frantic and some hurtful messages and i was not equipped to deal with it..

then a few days later she sends me an email with a link to a trans mormon guy called emmett claren who is still active in the church, and honestly this guy has kind of saved my relationship with my parents lol. he has a number of videos online talking about his faith and his transition and it turned out to be exactly the thing my mum needed for her to accept it. he echoed a lot of what i wrote in my letter about praying to god to change and then eventually accepting that this is what god planned for him (i don't really have any active faith but i thought this would be the best way to make it go down easier for my religious parents). she said that she had prayed about it and got confirmation from god assuring her that this is the right thing for me. she said that my dad was the one who got confirmation from god first, and he was the one who found the video. which honestly blew me away because my dad has been actively transphobic for decades. my mum said she needed to speak to me in person but that she knows this is the right thing for me.

i visited them and both my mum and my dad came to me in tears, and apologised to ME for the way they treated me. i've only seen my dad cry maybe once or twice before, i need you guys to understand how huge this is lol. they asked me all the usual cis questions (plans for surgery, hrt, etc) and i was honest with them. now they are terrified of other people treating me the way they treated me and trans people, so they want to try control as much as possible how the news gets spread, and also said they should only tell people who need to know, which is like yes that's what i've been saying this whole time!! and shocking because i thought for sure my mum would be the type of person who says people are "lying" if they don't reveal their trans status. but she has been watching a lot of people's transition videos on youtube and is trying to learn and understand the physical side of it — right now she understands it as a spiritual issue.
my mum has told a few of my relatives back in argentina and so far they have all been really supportive, and using my new (spanish) middle name because they can't pronounce miles. my parents have been using my name and pronouns and they are actively trying to make penance for all the years i spent in pain.

i couldn't have had a better experience and i couldn't be more grateful, but i'm honestly still blown away and still don't believe this actually happened. i've submitted my change of name and hoping it comes through soon so i can get my life started. i'm only having a few issues now, my abuela is not taking the news well but my mum is trying to help her understand and she translated my letter to spanish for her so she can read it. my siblings rarely use my name and pronouns but i think that will come with time and my parents are setting a good example anyway. i'm having issues with HRT at the moment since i switched to a different type where my levels are constantly too low, but i'm consulting with my doctor and being closely monitored to try and resolve this. i quit my old job with my pos boss (who still owes me 2k in unpaid wages) and am at a great new place now that actually follows the law and maintains workers rights. overall i'm doing really well and i hope all of you are having the best life you can.


As our ashes turn to dust, we shine like stars...


That is so fantastic Miles! I am so happy for you!


Hi! I'm so happy for you! I felt a connection with your story because my parents are extremely religious, too. I really have to thank you, you're really an inspiration for me and I hope I could have the same strenght sometime. I wish you all the best! Thanks again!  :D


Reading your update brought me to tears, thank you so much for sharing!
~ Sky