Well hello there Le Nouveau Jessica,
I am Laurie, the wandering waif of Susan's Place. Welcome to our little home on the web. The door has been left open so won't you please come in? And oh yeah please shut it after you as there's a draft in here. Thank you!
There isn't that better than standing out in the cold and hollering your questions at us? Now we can sit down and chat amicably. Sorry, what was that? Oh the lady on top of the fridge tossing her pickled eggs at anyone walking by? Don't pay her no mind that's only
@Faith . She was in a bad mood and trying to share it with all of us. Oh she can come down tonight at bedtime so she can get some sleep and try again tomorrow.
Now where were we? Oh yeah where to start? Well hon it does sound like you have had several good suggestions and I'd say one of the important ones is to find yourself a therapist knowledgeable in gender issues. You will find that having a therapist to talk with will help you a lot as you navigate this journey you are wanting to embark upon. I started by coming out to my primary care physician and answering "yes" when he asked if I would like to talk with a therapist about it. So in a fairly short time I had myself my PCP and a therapist helping me with my journey. That was almost 2 years ago.
Another positive thing I did even before that is a step you have already taken. I found Susan's Place and started making posts here. Most of my early posts were greeting new people as they joined the site. Like many have done for you. In doing so I made friends, learned to open myself up to the help offered here, and I learned to share my hopes and fears with others and to ask for help when I needed it. This site has been of great help to me personally. I can honestly tell you that if it wasn't for people on this site I would very likely have ended my life this past spring. I was hurting. Seriously hurting to the point I did not want to exist any longer. Perhaps you can tell I did end it all but I will tell you I came close.
You might ask why I would be telling you, a new member, this? Well, it was something you said. You said....
QuoteI know what's at stake and that my family will completely reject me but I need this for me and I'm willing to battle through the pain of what's to come.
That caught my eye...
Do you really know?
Can you live with losing your family?
Are you really willing to battle the pain?
You do not say how old you are or what family you might lose. I ask you those questions because like you I thought I was able to bear the consequences of losing what I had left of my immediate family. I was wrong. I am 66. For me my family meant my only daughter, her husband and my five grand children. They were all I had left of my family that really mattered to me. My wife divorced me more than 20 years ago thanks to my angry, alcoholic and drug abuse manifestations of my gender dysphoria and I didn't even know what that was back then. About all I did know was I hated who I was. My autistic son died of a heart issue in a group home about 4 years ago. I had spent 20 years trying to make it up to my daughter and thought I had done so. But when I came out to her she and my son in law rejected and attacked me of facebook for all of our mutual friends to see. Then last time I saw her and my grand children was the morning after I told them.
Their rejection and public attacks on me hurt. Hurt a lot. I went into a depression. I had lost my last child, my grand children and my purpose if life. My depression got worse. I made my exit plan. I was only waiting for spring to execute it and me with it. I had done a few things right. I talked to friends here on and from Susan's Place, both online and offline. I took their advice and told my therapist how bad I felt. And I agreed to try an anti depressant. It was a race to see if the pills would start working before spring came which is when I would cease to be. The pills won, but barely. And with help from friends I am happy now. I have still lost my family and I will need to finish dealing with that pain sometime but for now I am happy, in love, and still here.
So I ask again, Are you really prepared to bear the loss of family if it comes to that? I wasn't. Therapy can help as will having a friendly place like you have found here to make friends that will cry with you at tough time, cheer with you on you victories and help you all along the way.
I am glad you are here Jessica.
Hugs,
Laurie
