Edit: LOL, "Mail Fail" my brain's not fried.
I'm supposed to be doing homework right now but cannot focus to save my life, so I am taking a breather to express my thoughts.
I suppose this thread could fall under both HRT and Real Life Exp, but I put it here because almost everyone (if not everyone) struggles with the results of HRT, the wait, etc...
Recently, in the past month specifically, I'd noticed that people didn't seem to be questioning my gender. I was thinking, "Well thank goodness, at least these people are nice about it." My family and close friends still say "he," and screw up names and what-not (not a big deal to me, they try). But very recently I went to go pick up my meds--and I am riding out my male picture ID's until after rhinoplasty (knowledge for the sake of this read)--I handed my military ID to the pharmacist and he looks at me and says, "how are you today ma'am." I'm thinking, "oh that's nice." Then he says, "So you're picking these up for him?" I was immediately confused and responded, "huh?" He's says, "these medications are for him, correct ma'am?" I just replied quietly, "Uh--yes..." They were my HRT meds! Anyways, thats happened on several other occasions as well, I've shown my ID and been asked, "Who's is this," or "Where is this guy at?"
Yes! This is an amazing feeling, but not why I am writing this--
Up until this point everyone I am close to, myself included, reads me as male. They've said, "oh yes, you look more feminine," etc. But going anywhere and not being questioned has made me realize that to anyone who doesn't know me, I pass as female. Not only this, but I'm still getting electrolysis--so most of the time, I tend to not give a crap how I look. I wear mascara, and dap very little foundation over my upper lip and sides of my chin. My hair is a still relatively short, though colored, my ears are peirced and my nails usually have a french manicure. And I guess my mannerisms are "naturally feminine." But even when I'm being lazy and my voice is tired, i still don't get questioned. SO, we are extremely hard on ourselves--and I still don't fully believe I pass, even though everyone in public who see's me seems to act as if there is no reason to question it.
The statement "We/you are our/your own worst enemy." 100% true. At some point along the way HRT will start doing work, and eventually you will get to a point were people will read you as female if meet certain social criteria (voice, hairstyle, mannerisms, etc.) I know there have been posts similar to this in the past, but I thought I would share since I basically never thought there was anyway I would pass, especially with my busted-ass nose lol.
What transgender means to me is different than what it means to many other trans peeps, make it yours and be patient, work on the things that will give you a P+ in society eyes (if you want to pass around other people), and when HRT will get your body where it needs to be eventually. How soon or late will ultimately depend on the individual, but if you care about "passing" with looks, I'm starting to think anyone can. Just embrace your true self, feminine side, whatever it is for you. That's my two cents.
