Hey

[TabbyTT]

Hey there,

So I've literally turned around at the brink of suicide for feeling that I don't have the courage to transition, and also unable to continue the status quo.  Well, that's probably a slight oversimplification.

Anyway, in my lost and desperate daze, I came across some YouTube videos that made me question my course of action, and in the process also got the courage to out myself to the people closest to me.  So far, I have received universal and unconditional statements of support, which sort of left me feeling silly about not having more faith in the people who love me.

Through the process, I've realized that many assumptions I had about myself, gender and society may be unfounded, and my first task at hand is to find some clarity.  I am hopeful that I may take some initial steps to live a life which feels more authentically aligned  to an identity that I am also yet to fully unravel.

Perhaps, if I'm lucky, I may contribute to the experience, or help lessen the burden of the journey for someone here.  From what I have seen in the forum so far, I believe the opportunity to receive such in kind is already evident.

Greetings,

TabbyTT

[V M]

Hi Tabby 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Things that you should read

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Hugs

V M

[Alice V]

Hey Tabby!

It's great you still here and joined us to share your experience and looking for answers for your own questions
Welcome

[DawnOday]

Tabby. That's what happened to me. First I had to rant. Then "I" everybody to death and now I am settling in to help others. Thankfully my pals here have been patient. In my guy persona I never felt the love and respect I do now and it goes both ways. I feel like Rip Van Winkle and went to sleep for 60 years and then woke up to a new person. Some really good people here.

[TabbyTT]

Well, I'm close to 40 now.  I regret not dealing with my phobia of coming out sooner.  But then again, I (currently unemployed) work in IT, and all environments I can recall is very toxic masculine.  Even a good friend and close colleague of mine would make the most awful comments in the rare case where a transgender person would be visible.  I think that type of negativity also reinforced my walls and the determination to net let them come down.  Over a few years I did manage to at least get him not to be as homophobic as he initially was, and I worked on that as an initial service to society since it is easier for someone in ignorance to come to terms with.  Gender identity would have been too advanced of a concept to grasp as a first order of business.

I'm racking my brains to come up with an alternative career, since heading back into IT, where one inevitably comes in contact with the same individuals is somewhat daunting.  It kind of feels like a breeding ground for incels at times, but I do generalize, I think perhaps the very vocal minority just stands out quite prominently.

[TabbyTT]

And just to add, I'm trying to see the silver lining, and intend to use my time between situations to consider trying to present female full time, while I try and get clarity on my situation and weigh the option to start HRT.  But I would definitely want to bounce some ideas off of a therapist first.

Hopefully I am able to find something else, or gain sufficient confidence to confront the negative elements by breaking the proverbial ice, in case I end up going back into the field.