Quote from: TransTroll on May 30, 2019, 11:56:13 AM
Hi everyone. *this is my first foray into the trans community, so bare with me, i'm nervous*
I have had an idea that something was wrong since I was 11, but when I mentioned my feelings to my sister she was very firmly set against it. So I haven't really spoken about this topic for 15 years, but I'm desperate to feel normal.
I haven't started transitioning yet, as I'm not in a place were I can do this, but I know that I both want to and must.
Any way, just some back round. Back to the question:
1) I don't like meeting people, because I don't what them to know as my assigned gender. The fewer people that know me before I transition the better, this has been my mind set. So I don't really have many friends, or social life.
2) I work in a male dominated field, and so I have guys running to help me carry things *I don't need the help btw* or referring to me as the girl, or calling to me with "Hey Ms." instead of "Hey Dude." I try not to let it bother me, but it's almost brought me to tears a few times as it's just a constant reminder of my gender.
3) Also, I want a relationship, but that seems impossible. I've met some good people, but the moment they begin to treat me like a woman, I just can't deal. I've never had sex, even though I want to, because I don't want to be touched like a girl, and I don't think I would enjoy it frankly because I hate my body so much and the parts are just wrong.
If you have any tips or methods to deal with any of this, please let me know. If none of this can really be solved until I transition that's fair. I'm just afraid to wait. If I keep sealing myself off from the world I'm worried that I'll have no life to look forward to and probably die alone which I'd prefer not to do. I'm just tired of being sad and depressed.
Thank you for listening.
I just want you to know that many,
many of us have been where you are. Feeling that "I was born the wrong gender," is the first step to admitting that you are transgender. It is a difficult road, but one that many of us have decided is the best one for the sake of personal happiness. The next step is up to you.
1.) Do you have health insurance through your job? If so, use it to find a gender therapist. They can not only help you figure yourself out, but can also write an official letter for you saying you have gender dysphoria if you decide you need hormones and/or surgery. Not to mention, its nice to have someone on your side that can help you understand yourself more.
If you feel comfortable, start dressing the way you want. If men's jeans, graphic t-shirts and men's tennis shoes are your thing, then start wearing them. If polo shirts, combat boots and men's cargo shorts are your thing, start wearing them. One of the easiest ways to start feeling like your true gender is to start dressing as such. Thrift stores are a super cheap way to start finding what men's sizes you are. Simply go to the men's section, find some clothes that look like they may fit, and try them on. If you like them, buy them. That way, you're not playing a guessing game with sizes should you shop online. Remember, a men's sizing chart is vastly different than a woman's.
Maybe try a more masculine haircut, and if you wear makeup, lessen it or stop completely. There are many things you can do to look more masculine. Changing your appearance gradually will give you time to get used to the authentic you.
Many people have social anxiety for one reason or another. Not having a social life is something that often happens to transgender people. We simply don't want to have to explain transitioning into our true selves to anyone, so we often avoid social situations completely. Once you start becoming your authentic self, your confidence level should rise, and it should give you the courage to become more social. Even if its something as simple as joining a local transgender support group, its a start. If there is a local LGBT+ center near you, go to it and ask for assistance in finding a support group.
2.) Try this: the next time someone at your job comes running to help you with something that you can handle, simply say, "Thank you, but I got this," or something along those lines. Pretty soon, they will get the idea that you're strong enough to carry things. If you do need help, that's when you say, "Mind helping me with this?"
The misgendering is something that you might want to take up with your HR department once you decide to come out. Or, you can simply find another job elsewhere. I dealt with misgendering/misnaming by correcting the person immediately, but not everyone is as forward as I am.
3.) The best way to get in a relationship is to get out and get social. Maybe someone in your local transgender support group can point you towards some social events that you can attend. June is Pride month, it's a good time to get out and attend some events and meet others.
You don't need to transition to begin working on your problems. It simply takes you deciding to work towards your goal to become your authentic self.
Welcome to Susan's Place and feel free to ask any questions you need to!
Ryuichi
