Safety tips for dating as a trans women

[Courtney.lane408]

Hey everyone! So now that apparently I'm passing and guys find me hot I guess it time to start dating again! For you other trans girls out there who have been at this for awhile have any advice or tips to help me stay safe other than they obvious tell somewhere where I am going and who I am with? I'm scared from all the horror stories I have heard of other trans women getting hurt / killed. Never dated guys before 


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[Northern Star Girl]

Hey everyone! So now that apparently I'm passing and guys find me hot I guess it time to start dating again! For you other trans girls out there who have been at this for awhile have any advice or tips to help me stay safe other than they obvious tell somewhere where I am going and who I am with? I'm scared from all the horror stories I have heard of other trans women getting hurt / killed. Never dated guys before 


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@Courtney.lane408 :
All kinds of common sense things that I can suggest and that you can do.....

***Safety in numbers... have a freind or two with you as you go out and about.

***Don't go to secluded or out of the way places when on a new date with someone you just met.   Meet in a coffee shop for coffee or lunch, then perhaps a restaurant or theater for a 2nd date.... get to know the person before you develop trust in them.

***Get to know who their friends are, where they work,  and perhaps where their family lives and their names.

***Keep you friends informed about where you will be going and with whom.... including the phone number of the one that you are dating.   

***Plan to have a friend call you on your cell phone and requiring you to leave and help them... a fabricated "emergency call......    about a half hour or an hour into the date to give you a way out if needed.

***Don't drink in excess, stay sober, if your date starts drinking heavily and appears to start becoming drunk, it is time to end the date, and then you need to immediately call one of your friends to come and get you for a ride home.

Wishing you well, and please be careful, it can be fun but also it can be frightening as well.
Danielle

[Another Nikki]

If you drink alcohol, watch your drink at all times so you don't get "slipped a mickey" or rufinol.  And don't drink too much.

[Northern Star Girl]

Hey everyone! So now that apparently I'm passing and guys find me hot I guess it time to start dating again! For you other trans girls out there who have been at this for awhile have any advice or tips to help me stay safe other than they obvious tell somewhere where I am going and who I am with? I'm scared from all the horror stories I have heard of other trans women getting hurt / killed. Never dated guys before 


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@Courtney.lane408
Dear Courtney:  
I found that dating guys is about the same as dating women in some ways, but there are significant differences for sure. It is definitely a learning curve for me... exciting and frightening all at the same time.
When I date guys, usually they are expecting me to be the ever yielding woman that lets them decide where to go on a date and will  usually offer to pick up the tab for meals and drinks although I do insist that I pay sometimes just to make certain that he doesn't start thinking that I am obligated to him and perhaps "owe" him.

Dating women is another new experience but a little less frightening because in my pre-transition life I dated women....   but when I now date a woman, it is difficult for me to know if they are expecting to take the lead, or do they want to  be the one to first offer their preference about where to go, etc.   Presently I am dating a very successful woman, a Dental Hygienist, and she seems to want to take more control that I am accustomed to, but she is so sweet and considerate, I am OK with that.

Either way, on my man or woman dates, I am just feeling my way about how to date either one of them now that I am a full-time trans-woman.   So far the ones that I am dating are fine with my desire to go slowly with developing a relationship.   It can be tempting to fall head over heels for someone but doing things like that too quickly could be setting me up for disaster.   I don't want my "new" hormone induced heart throbbings take over for my mind having restraint and common sense.

Anyway, that is my feelings about all of this.
As you go out and about and dating, be cautions, be careful, and by all means enjoy exploring all of these new feelings that you will have.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Lady Sarah]

Hey everyone! So now that apparently I'm passing and guys find me hot I guess it time to start dating again! For you other trans girls out there who have been at this for awhile have any advice or tips to help me stay safe other than they obvious tell somewhere where I am going and who I am with? I'm scared from all the horror stories I have heard of other trans women getting hurt / killed. Never dated guys before 


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Rule 1) get to know him before you go out on a real date. That's where meeting at a cafe during the day comes into play. Talk to him over the phone quite a bit. Get a feel of his personality. Many guys will put up a false front, to make themselves look normal. If he starts acting irrational or demanding, find someone else.

Rule 2) let him know you are trans. Educate him if he wants to know more. If he freaks out, find someone else.

Rule 3) always make sure family and friends know his information, just in case the unforseen happens. It could mean the difference between life and death.

[Allison S]

This is helpful for me to read too. I don't have anyone asking me on dates or get that much attention, but it's good to know these things for safety anyway [emoji4]

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