My first reveal to her was in bed, looking up at the ceiling, unable to keep eye contact with her, she was cuddling me with her head on my chest. I did it after the first week of dating and when we ended up in bed, I knew this might be something a bit more serious.
I just said, 'There is something you need to know, I've always wanted to be a woman'... well that's a translation of my very poor Japanese (which admittedly was a lot better back then). Her response was, 'of course, that makes sense now, it was like dating two people' (again translation from the Japanese).
I don't remember much else to be honest, but it was great for a while. She bought me some clothes and make up. We spent a good couple of years. We got married. etc. But eventually she called a stop to it and I've tried to be male for her since then but without much success.
Then I talked to her a second time, literally last week. I just sat down with her at the kitchen table with a cup of tea each and said, 'You remember I told you that I've always wanted to be a woman...'
Cautiously, she replied 'yes'
'Well, the panic or anxiety attack I had on Friday was because of that and I am having great difficulty putting the lid back on the box'
She asked me questions about it. I answered honestly. I explained to her that it was like a bottomless ocean... it will always be there lapping at the shore, sometimes the tide comes in and the feelings are intense, sometimes it is out and I can manage them. Right now, the tide is the highest it has been since I was teenager and it won't go back out.
Eventually we agreed that I needed to see the doctor to make an appoint to see a gender specialist. I said I wanted to try being more open about who I am. She said she had missed the kind and happy me. We agreed not to tell my daughter for at least 5 years when she will be at an age where she will understand better. We agreed never to tell my Dad - that would not be a good idea. We debated about my sister but not before my daughter. I told her that I wanted to be a Dad to my daughter, I didn't want to be a second mother, and I wanted to be her husband but the feelings of wanting to be a woman are really intense right now and the more I've read and the more people I've talked to online, the more I know that they are only going to get worse unless I address the issue now. She said that if I transition she will support me because I told her from the start but she would move back to Japan with her mother, and would prefer that I did not transition before my daughter left home. I can't guarantee that bit, but we agreed to wait until seeing the experts and cross that bridge when it comes. Then she burst into tears because she has missed me talking to her. The longer the male attempt was going on, the more withdrawn and non-responsive I became. So yesterday I spent nearly all day just catching up with what has been happening in her life in terms of her friends. Listening to her talk, asking questions and being more attentive.
So a bit more detail on the 2nd time because it is more fresh in my memory than the first time.
Good luck.
