So much to share, where to start .... first off, tonight was AWESOME!! This was the first night Lori and I went out to listen to and dance to a live band (one that we know, one I used to play in) and where most of the people would know me. It went better than I ever expected.
Sure I got a few "How's it going bud" and "Nice to see you man" from old band members that knew me well. They'll figure it out some day, maybe. The words don't change the fact that they accepted me and treated me just fine.
My friend in the band asked me to give a critical listen because 'he trusted my ear and opinion'. While standing out centered against the wall listening, an acquaintance (wife to the guitar player and let's face it, a friend really as I found out) turned and asked me if I was going to dance (fast dance). I was like, Oh No, I can't do that. I really wanted to though. We chatted a bit and she went off to dance.
It took me a bit to get my dancing feet under me again (with heels). Lori and I slow danced several times. I did not fast dance
I stared at the people dancing, I so wanted to get up and move. I could feel it in my bones. I couldn't get out of my chair. Lori, after speaking with a friend (the gal I spoke to earlier, surprisingly accepting), came back over and asked me what's wrong. Well, in true current tough fashion I looked at her and ... broke down. ARRGGH!! here I was, all dolled up, great music, wanting to dance, and all I did was cry my eyes out because I couldn't make myself get out of the chair.
We did slow dance again after that, also before we sat down a fast song started. So, in the aisle near our seat, she proceeded to lead me through some simple steps.
If that was all there was to the evening, it would have been great ... there's more .
Throughout the night I noticed people looking at me/us. Not just looking .. Staring!. I thought, "Oh great, we're the spectacle". The last song, tribute song for veterans, we all stood in a circle and swayed to the song. All through it one lady stared at me .. stared and smiled and stared and .. well, you get the picture. Nope, none of it got to me. I was having a good night, let them stare.
As we gathered out things to head home, one lady come over and asked if she could ask a question. Yep, here it is, it's coming ... and she asked ... "I dye my hair black but it's normally silver like yours. How do you think I would look if i let it go silver?). My jaw almost dropped. My hair?? Lori goes, "He's ... something something (I don't remember)" That lady pulled her head back a bit, eyes widened and she said, "Wait, what? Now I have more questions."
Which led to a frenzy of questions and explanations. It turns out that I was spotted as soon as I walked in for my 'wondrous' hair. Talked about, stared at, conversed over by a group of men and women .. because of my hair. They had a brief talk about man or not, consensus between the men and women? We were two women out together, dancing having a good time, and they thought it was great, so great that they kept looking at us (not me,
us) and smiling. The men said, "Woman, just look at the shoes" (um, yeah ..) It was even more awesome when they found out that there was more to the story. Not a disparaging or prejudiced comment to be heard. Totally cool but unfamiliar.
Asked repeatedly if questions were OK, I kept telling them to ask, I'll do the best that I can. I did an impromptu educational Q/A about transgender, the whole package, mental, physical, operations, our marriage, how many years, how we're doing. I think they covered just about everything. I brought up sexual preference only to point out that it's a completely separate issue. Gruelling but fun. BTW, my voice stayed in a higher register and speech pattern through the whole thing without trying. Lori confirmed it afterwards
Well, if the evening ended there it would have been really great, there's more.
After she walked off, we stood up to leave and she came back. "Can I ask you another question? Privately?", she said. Sure, ok. We step to the side and she said "I was just on my way into the ladies room and it hit me, which one do you use". Well, that's easy to answer. I said, "I use the family room if one is available. If not I hold it or have Lori escort me in." She asked why I don't use the women's room. I told her that I don't feel comfortable, that I have to pee right now but I won't do it here. She grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the restroom. That's ridiculous, come with me, we're going to the ladies room. I tried to turn to Lori for help thinking she'd get upset with me going to a ladies room with some lady we just met!! (She did a little, but she trusts me and let it go).
She talked all the way in there, into the first stall, I went into the second. All the while she's talking, I'm responding. Finish up, come out wash out hands and back out. Still having a conversation. Up came the comment of, "Be glad you don't have a period" I was like, "Well, the first week of the month I bloat. Last month was bad." She goes, "What about (she rubbed her eyes pantomiming crying)?" "Yup" I admitted to breaking down earlier about wanting to dance. She said next time we meet up (likely to be next week) she's dragging me up to dance with them. Telling her Lori might get upset she just said, she's coming too. You're dancing.
There you go, an AWESOME NIGHT!!! I could hardly contain myself on the drive home .. bouncy .. bouncy .. bouncy .. bouncy
tldr:
- Great night out listening to music
- accepted as (believed to be) a (cis)woman .. I say believed to be cis because I
am a woman!
- Lori and I seen as 2 women dancing together.
- I have hair that's the envy of many women
- I had my first full bathroom stall conversation in the ladies room
I don't think I left anything, but I am tired. I'll review tomorrow and revise if necessary.
Good night
Faith
ps
Last few weeks have just been getting better and better .... YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
