Quote from: Loopyem on October 02, 2018, 05:21:33 AM
Hi everyone I'm loopyem I'll get right into it I'm a straight female and my husband has recently told me he's transgender and I'm not coping please help
Hi again Loopyem,
I know its a big shock. Wives have enough to deal with in the marriage responsibilities without trans issues thrown on top. The fact that your husband is actually bringing up the issue instead of hiding it until breaking point is potentially a good start.
Traditionally very few couples stayed together after the transgender issue was raised - but now many couples successfully prevail. It isn't always bad at all.
Its natural to feel things like shock, confusion, anger, deceived, let down, what has my marriage been all this time ? Also the concern that the integrity of the family has been compromised. The feeling of what does the future hold is there any hope ?
I believe there is much hope and the future can be very bright. I can only offer what my wife and I discovered & and I think others on the forum have had marriage/ relationship successes.
After the trans issue has been revealed - its time for wife and husband to just stop. Time to absorb & consider things before doing anything.
Talking and discussing and unloading emotions and anger. Then working out the way forward can begin.
My wife and I both visited psychologists together - trans & non trans specialists.
Scenarios can be from full transition to nothing except private discussion & acceptance.
Your husband probably loves you very much and doesn't want to lose you.
Like many, I personally didn't want to be trans and tried to solve the issues in a non-life upsetting manner. In the end I had to deal with being trans - it became more intense in my 40's. I was lucky I could talk to my wife - I love her & dont want to lose her.
For me this means I had therapy, I regularly cross dress to relieve the angst of being trans, I'm also on full HRT. I haven't transitioned, I look like a normal husband day to day. I go to work, present male, raise 2 boys 8 & 10 years old. We have an agreement I dont dress in public. My trans issues are essentially private.
My wife and family are the most important things in my life, but I had to deal with being trans- depression, drinking too much and suicidal thoughts are now a couple of years in the past. Doing nothing would have destroyed me.
We are still together as dedicated parents, we talk, go on holiday as a family & both much happier. I respect her limits on how much femininity I put out there.
PS I truly wish more wives were here on the forum - they hold the biggest significance when one deals with being trans.
With Kindest regards,
Kirsten.