Rejection by the mother of my 4th child

[warlockmaker]

Some background information first. I have a 7 year old daughter with a brilliant Singaporean investment banker working in a top US investment bank based in Singapore. I knew Singapore has some of the most conservative and non supporting laws regarding LGBT. In fact being gay is against the law and there is no protection in schools and workplace for LGBT.

The mother of my daughter has refused to allow me to contact my daughter and has refused to inform her of my change since 3 years. She says she will let her decide when she is 21. She has recently written to me for complete custody and I will give it to her. I have suggested she consults a child psycologist. But instead she has sent me legal judgements from the UK which allows  witholding this information. I have read the judgement of the courts involving an orthodox jew child and the likly possibility of being ostracised by the church group as a reason by the judge to withold this information and prevent contact, but this is being appealed.

I personally am greatly concerned with the lies she will tell her as to why there is no contact and she will easily find out about me in the internet when she is a few years older. This could result in a priblem for the mother daughter relationship, if outrageous lies need to be told about me. I have kept all the correspondence for future reference.  While disappointed I can accept her wishes, for now, as she only has one child. I have other children who fully support me.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! It's difficult dealing with people who are stuck in the past. I know it is a long time from now, but I hope your daughter accepts you just as you are when the time comes.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dena]

I am not familiar with the laws in that part of the world however giving up custody shouldn't mean giving up all contact with your child. A child should know that the have both parents and they both care for them. Without this knowledge they may feel they have been abandon by one of their parents and when the truth is exposed, it could backfire on the custody parent. I would suggest you grant custody under the following conditions.

You will defer to her judgement when it comes to raising the child.

You will will be allowed to contact your child through email or mail however you may need to use your birth name.

You should be allowed to send presents on special occasions.

The mother should maintain contact with you so your aware of the child's status and so your aware of any restriction placed on the child that you mustn't violate.

Both of you will remain civil with each other in the best interest of the child. A child will pick up on any hostile feelings between both of you and a civil relationship will keep the child out of any disagreements between both of you.

I already know you have provided proper support for your other relationships so some of what I wrote is something you will do without question however putting it out in the open will reduce the mothers fear that you will attempt something that would put her in an uncomfortable position.

Like any business deal, you have a right to get something out of it. In this case, your interest is in the child being properly raised and being able to help when needed. The relationship will not be as close as you might like but it would be better than cutting off all contact.

[CarlyMcx]

I am sorry to hear about your trouble.  I have two children, ages 36 and 27, and am on good terms with both.  However, my son tells me that my ex wife, a very prosperous real estate broker, is a big fan of Donald Trump, and all that he stands for (despite the fact that she is a Filipino born, naturalized U.S. citizen).

My ex made trouble from the time I married her to the time she cheated on and left me, and then for ten more years of shared custody.  Then she convinced my son to stop talking to me for eight years.  He and I reconnected a year ago, just in time for me to come out of the closet to him.

I am on good terms with my kids, but my ex?

My ex does not know about me.  Although we have not spoken since my youngest kid finished high school, sooner or later one of the kids will get married or have a child of their own, and the current lull will come to an end.  That is not something I am looking forward to.

Believe me you have my sympathy.

Hugs, Carly

[warlockmaker]

Even the most successful transitions still have to face the sadness caused by those closest to us. It almost seems that acceptance with new friends is so much easier, I know its hard for my very close friends to accept my change and this is just another example.

My greatest concern is the lies that the mother needs to tell about why I am no longer in her life. I wonder what lies she will tell. In todays age, my daughter will find out easily that I am tg, as my story is all over the internet. Plus a new film director wants to do a follow up on my life. I hope she can understand why her mother lied.

[Susan]

*HUGS* Your child will sooner or later see though her and when she does it won't be you she will be upset at.

[stephaniec]

sorry for your troubles

[GingerVicki]

I understand your pain. My oldest was 13 when I came out and she thought it was great that we both would go through puberty together. Her mother not so much eventhough she identifies as a lesbian. WTF right.

Views on transgender topics
Main article: Feminist views on transgender topics

Since the 1970s, there has been a debate among radical feminists about transgender identities.[62] In 1978 the Lesbian Organization of Toronto voted to become womyn-born womyn only and wrote:

    A woman's voice was almost never heard as a woman's voice – it was always filtered through men's voices. So here a guy comes along saying, "I'm going to be a girl now and speak for girls." And we thought, "No you're not." A person cannot just join the oppressed by fiat.[63]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radical_feminism#Views_on_transgender_topics

She refuses to inform me where she lives and blocked/changed her number. The only way I have contact is to involve the courts and the same process begins. There is no end. The cycle repeats itself.

In the next month I am going to petition the courts to suspend my child support obligation because of her inactions and hopefully that will ring her bell enough to cause something. I believe that she will miss the $660 per month more than I. I have no problem living under my means. This just means that I will get surgeries done faster.