Is this sexual frustration??

[SailorMars1994]

So basically this post is about that. I had a dream last night where I was really horny and was dreaming of "giving head" to some guy. I seemed really into it as when I woke up I kinda caught myself doing the head motion of it.... I used to consider myself bisexual, then I considered myself lesbian but not too sure.. I'm pretty sure there are some guys I could find attractive but I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman who I love and want to spend with. She's also very attractive and completes me.

The thing that freaks me out is I stopped lookin at guys long ago beciase they have things I despise on myself (facial hair,penis,ect) so to do anything with them would seem to be odd. That said I haven't played with myself muchbat all in the past few years. I won't lie I miss the body sensations of the "moments" but stoking that disgusting thing ruins the mood and often i couldn't get off beciase of that image in my mind . And the last few times I did it left me feeling very weird for a while after I did so. So I guess that would be the dysphoira but, but I have come to realize I am sexual and don't want the disgust. Tips??

[sarah1972]

Interesting question. I have had similar dreams. Usually, I am fine if it involves women but - like you - waking up to one of those dreams including men always feels very wired when I wake up. My dreams are usually picturing me being post-op.

I have noticed one interesting thing: If my dreams involve women, they usually have a face, sometimes it is women I know. Men are mostly faceless and many times it is more of a "spoon" position since I really do not want to see them.

My only explanation is that I am confirmed to prefer women and that - to some degree - I am somewhat curious how post-op sex with a man would feel. I just cannot picture myself getting involved with a man. Like you I have quite an issue with hairy bodies, maybe due to my own fight with hair.

In some parts, I think it is a normal way of processing what you feel.

[SailorMars1994]

Thanks girly. It's just so annoying. Like I want to experience sexuality in many forms but sadly, as soon as I do and my birthbgentials become erect I feel gross and then whatever passion comes turns into grossness.

[Linde]

I never include any male in my dreams.  I always have been into women only, and my LGBTQ specialized psychologist is of the opinion that, because of my transsexual condition, I was always more female than male, which means, I was always la lesbian.  This could be the reason that men do not appear in my dreams.  I never had any body hair or other typical male secondary sex indicators, and  i think I have no relation or dysphoria to this.  My penis has stopped to function as a sexual instrument about 15 or so years ago, and I consider it a pretty handy device for urination.

However, if I think about that I would have to kiss a man, or to even have to manipulate his penis in what ever manner, I get almost physically sick and feel like throwing up!
I have nothing against men, I love my son and many male friends, I just cannot imagine a man to have any sexual relation with me.  I am not that militant type of lesbian wo will not accept any other sex.

I think that this is the reason that men never appear in my dreams.  At the moment I seem not to have any lower sexual organs at all in my dreams, but that could stem from the fact that I have not seen any decent pictures of surgically created vaginas, and because of this, my mind might not be able to superimpose a vagina onto my body region down there.

But I do love breasts (and always did).  Luckily, my body decided to grow some for me.  They are now about the size of a normal apple, and i like them a lot. 
I am not on HRT yet, and wonder what that would do to my breasts?

[SailorMars1994]

I guess. I find some males cute but they tend to be the one masculine variety. I had beards and am generally not sure if I would want a oenis penetrate me. Which is why this dream made little sense lol. I feel far more comfortable seeing myself with another woman

[HappyMoni]

So basically this post is about that. I had a dream last night where I was really horny and was dreaming of "giving head" to some guy. I seemed really into it as when I woke up I kinda caught myself doing the head motion of it.... I used to consider myself bisexual, then I considered myself lesbian but not too sure.. I'm pretty sure there are some guys I could find attractive but I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman who I love and want to spend with. She's also very attractive and completes me.

The thing that freaks me out is I stopped lookin at guys long ago beciase they have things I despise on myself (facial hair,penis,ect) so to do anything with them would seem to be odd. That said I haven't played with myself muchbat all in the past few years. I won't lie I miss the body sensations of the "moments" but stoking that disgusting thing ruins the mood and often i couldn't get off beciase of that image in my mind . And the last few times I did it left me feeling very weird for a while after I did so. So I guess that would be the dysphoira but, but I have come to realize I am sexual and don't want the disgust. Tips??

Having one on you is much different than enjoying one on someone else. Wait til after surgery and see how it shakes out, so to speak. Hi, by the way. 

[IAmM]

We get hung up on so many things. I have cis female friends that don't masturbate, the rest of us think they are odd. I get what you are going through though, I have never figured out why anyone would use that ridiculous thing on another person but I am glad that everyone doesn't feel the same, that would be awful. It doesn't take away from you being a woman, it doesn't mean anything at all other than the significance we give it. To do yes or to do no, neither makes you anything other than a woman, or a man for the guys. For myself I can't use it on anyone else, don't want anyone to ever touch it but it also means that I always have to take care of it myself no matter how good a guy is in bed. Ah hem, there were a few times it was that good but we won't get into that.

I happen to find men very attractive and enjoy the occasional fun dream with them.

Seriously sweetie, no one is going to take away your card or anything, you won't get kicked out of the club. You have to know what you are comfortable with.

[SailorMars1994]

Thabks lovies! I'm not worried about being kicked out of the club, I just don't understand it. Maybe I do have an attraction to some males I should understand more. Still, I have always liked women more in this regard aswell.

[pamelatransuk]

The thing that freaks me out is I stopped lookin at guys long ago beciase they have things I despise on myself (facial hair,penis,ect) so to do anything with them would seem to be odd.

My only explanation is that I am confirmed to prefer women and that - to some degree - I am somewhat curious how post-op sex with a man would feel. I just cannot picture myself getting involved with a man. Like you I have quite an issue with hairy bodies, maybe due to my own fight with hair.

In some parts, I think it is a normal way of processing what you feel.

Ashley/Sarah

I agree entirely. I like men as friends but honestly don't consider I could ever consider a relationship with a man who possessed any body hair as that to me is the most bitterly disappointing aspect of the male body. I have always sought complete elimination of body hair on myself and for the same reason could never find it attractive on others. I am open to the idea just about, of the possibility of a relationship with a "smoothie" but that is probably unlikely.

So yes I would describe our occasional thoughts and dreams in that area as "sexual curiosity"

Hugs

Pamela

[IAmM]

Mmmmm, a hairy chest can be so sexy. It is not a change since transition for me, I can see where it would be difficult to deal with later in life. Probably I am in the minority in always liking men, I even like the way they smell. Not like gross, haven't showered in three days smell but just normal man smell, uhh! Can be very distracting. It was a little disappointing when my smell changed.

Have you considered that your dream may not be a desire but is based more on a fear? Dreams are freaky that way sometimes. Kissing girls has always been kinda blah for me, could do it but never understood how people found it pleasurable. It is very negative in my mind though because it always killed the friendship, god I hated that. I have had dreams of girls kissing me and it has always been like, what are you doing? Please stop! Kinda like when you are a child and that really old uncle that has one thick, half inch hair sticking out of his nose kisses you on the lips instead of the cheek like a normal person. Gross, seriously?! Why would you do that? I had a dream where a friend kissed me recently, it had been forever since I had a dream like that. The only thing that I can figure is that with girls showing interest in me, that old fear is creeping back in. I don't know, just throwing it out there.

[Linde]

Ashley/Sarah

I agree entirely. I like men as friends but honestly don't consider I could ever consider a relationship with a man who possessed any body hair as that to me is the most bitterly disappointing aspect of the male body. I have always sought complete elimination of body hair on myself and for the same reason could never find it attractive on others. I am open to the idea just about, of the possibility of a relationship with a "smoothie" but that is probably unlikely.

So yes I would describe our occasional thoughts and dreams in that area as "sexual curiosity"

Hugs

Pamela

I never had body hair, not a single one, and because I never had any sexual interactions with men, I have no relation how it feels to be with somebody who has body hair.  My wife definitely preferred my smooth and soft skin over that of hairy men.
My absolute dislike for men is focused on the mouth/lips (probably the hair around it??), and on the male penis.  I feel that any penis is hugely, looks very unattractive and cannot meet any aesthetic measure out there.  Just simply an ugly, disgusting piece of skin and muscles.  The thought that something like that would come near me, makes me want to puke.
That may be my dysphoria, because I want very much that the little beard hair I have and the male genitalia would disappear as fast as possible.  My psychologist doe not belief that my sexual orientation would change after any surgery.  She thinks I am so deeply into being lesbian that nothing can change this.  I sure hope she is right!

[heather3791]

Well for me it's pretty defined in terms of my wants and desires but unknown of who I'll end up in any long term relationships. I am recently divorced from a woman. Our sex life took a major dive years ago. To be perfectly honest I enjoyed masturbation more than sex with my wife. (And yes I always felt very ashamed about it...but it was what it was.) The fantasies always involved me envisioning myself as a beautiful curvy woman having sex with a strong manly man. And most of the time the sex act involved me giving head. I did and do have fantasies about actually getting penetrated but not as often as the oral part. And the one part of those fantasies that's weird is the actual kissing with the man is not part of those fantasies and not really desired. However if they were hot enough (think Ryan Gosling or Zac Efron) I'd be much more open to it. The one thing for me that is totally clear is I am in no way turned on by man on man sex..I simply have to be a woman to have any attraction at all to men. I still love beautiful women..but I am attracted to their faces, breast and curves...but not attracted to their vaginas while in either male or female mode. With the kissing part with women this is something I do enjoy in either male or female mode. I guess my ideal partner would be another trans woman with a penis..I think!

[Dany]

I can see where you coming from, I can understand how you feel but I really couldn't imagine myself in that situation. Like, I did have a lesbian experience, which happened with ex best friend. I found it rather interesting but it didn't change at all how I feel about men...I'm completely heterosexual. Now having said that, you mention "sexual frustration" meaning that your current genitals kinda suck. Yeah, these said genitals make my sexuality impossible to live.

Men who like transexuals, at least here in Brazil where I live, will wanna have something different, you know, something exotic and there's a lot of girls who do provide that. Now me I'm just...a normal woman who doesn't have a pussy. That makes finding a guy who'll be willing to be with me so incredibly difficult it's not worth trying - it's better and easier to try to win the lottery to go and get this piece of hell cut off.

I gotta say it. sometimes it's hard to find enough motivation to keep living. All I have in life is worry. Pay the bills, work hard, save the money for the surgery, problems, problems, problems. There's just not enough excitement anymore, I mean, I hardly even have any girl friends to go out with. Right now I'm not exactly very excited about the idea to continue living and in the meantime I try to distort this sad reality to stop myself from ending it. Being a woman who was born with a miserable penis is just hell. You know, there is no going to heaven or hell. You can have hell right here. Having a ->-bleeped-<-ing penis is just that: purest hell any female could ever go through in life.

Sorry bout my rant.