Lots of Support at Work and Little at Home

[rlacy2018]

CW: Transphobia, depression.

So, I get up, start my day, shower, and get ready for work. I get to work (Office Max) knowing that a coworker told my store manager that I'm transgender. Anxious and nervous to talk to him about it, I tell him that I'm not in a rush to talk about what we need to. So, he calls me into his office, I explain that I'm transgender and I basically just want to know the policies about name tag changes, etc. He goes "I only care about your happiness. Let me know what you want to be called, and we'll call you that" etc, etc. It was such a relief to know that my boss (and everyone else I've told at my work for that matter) are super supportive. I was nearly in tears a few times after leaving his office.

Then, I come home to my somewhat transphobic mom and grandparents (my grandparents don't know I'm trans yet). My aunt came down today to stay with us for a week. All is well, I catch up on some homework, and go back into the living room to chat. My mom had already gone to bed, not that she would've defended me. Somehow, the topic of "->-bleeped-<-s" comes up. I don't think too much of it, my aunt was being fairly tolerant. She said that she thinks it's wrong but she doesn't judge them. I'm thinking, 'okay, this isn't terrible'. Then, my grandma goes, 'it's disgusting, it's sick'. Then her and my grandpa say a couple times that it's a choice.

At this point, I literally almost start crying in front of all of them. I don't know how I can tell my grandparents now. I'm about a month and a half on hormones (mtf). It legitimately makes me want to die. My day was great, I was looking my job, loving myself (sorta) but things were going great until that happened.

Not to mention that who I considered to me my girlfriend (who I still love) ghosted me about a month ago. That really tore me up. I actually met her on here. Amazing girl, love her to death, but she must've gotten fed up that I never asked her out.

Anyways.. that's enough of my ranting. Just wanted to share a little story of my day with y'all. I love ya girl's <3

- Riley

[Northern Star Girl]

@rlacy2018
Heya Riley:
WOW.... great news about your job and your manager... 
you can certainly be very happy about that happening.

Now for the bad news about your grandma....  well, at her age you are not likely to change her mind, at least not quickly or easily.... for now, give it some distance.

.... and more bad news regarding your ex-girlfriend. 

Well, at least you have some very good news about your job situation to help offset the bad news.....

Hang in there.   Writing about things like this is good personal therapy, it helps you to mentally process all of this stuff, the good and the bad.   

Stay as positive as you can...  being negative and down is not going to help you.

Thank you for sharing, I will be looking for your updates as you feel free to post them.
Hugs,
Danielle

[rlacy2018]

@rlacy2018
Heya Riley:
wow.... great news about your job and your manager...  you can certainly be very happy about that happening.

Now for the bad news about your grandma....  well, at her age you are not likely to change her mind, at least not quickly or easily.... for now, give it some distance.

.... and more bad news regarding your ex-girlfriend.

Well, at least you have some very good news about your job situation to help offset the bad news.....

Hang in there.   Writing about things like this is good personal therapy, it helps you to mentally process all of this stuff, the good and the bad.   

Stay as positive as you can...  being negative and down is not going to help you.

Thank you for sharing, I will be looking for your updates as you feel free to post them.
Hugs,
Danielle

Thanks for the reply Danielle! 😊 It means a lot knowing that I have people here who care about me. I've been getting to look at the positive instead of the negative. I guess that when I tell them I'll have to try and explain it carefully and ask them to be open minded. Thanks again! Hugs.

[Nikkimn]

My wife's grandmother before she died a few months ago who at first had similar reactions to my transition after she processed my changes told me she thought I'd become a wonderful young woman and I was beautiful. She was 84. Some people just need time to adjust and they can change. I had a friend today who is from a small town in Iowa and is very conservative and religious at the funeral tell me she was shocked about my news at first and didn't understand it. She read my posts months ago and I had suggested a few books she actually bought and read the top recommended one and said it changed her views on transgender and she is happy for me and understands why I decided to transition. You gotta be you and give people time to accept you. The price we pay to be ourselves at times may be high but it's a price I would gladly pay to be happy even if that means losing some family and friends in the process. Luckily for me I didn't lose much family support but I have had some people choose to avoid me because they don't feel comfortable around me.. maybe that will get better time with time maybe not. It's not my problem it's theirs.


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[pamelatransuk]

Hello Riley and Nikkimn

Sadly there does appear to be a significant anti-reaction or misunderstanding amongst the elderly - I refer to those born in the first half of twentieth century. I believe in this period many people knew of ->-bleeped-<-s but unfortunately disapproved due to ignorance or lack of education. They would not have learned of transsexuals till 1970s and would not have heard the umbrella term transgender till around 2005.

However if your wife's grandmother can change her views given processing time and witnessing your happiness, Nikkimn, then hopefully your grandparents may also in time, Riley. I truly hope so but no guarantees of course.

Hugs to you both

Pamela

[rlacy2018]

My wife's grandmother before she died a few months ago who at first had similar reactions to my transition after she processed my changes told me she thought I'd become a wonderful young woman and I was beautiful. She was 84. Some people just need time to adjust and they can change. I had a friend today who is from a small town in Iowa and is very conservative and religious at the funeral tell me she was shocked about my news at first and didn't understand it. She read my posts months ago and I had suggested a few books she actually bought and read the top recommended one and said it changed her views on transgender and she is happy for me and understands why I decided to transition. You gotta be you and give people time to accept you. The price we pay to be ourselves at times may be high but it's a price I would gladly pay to be happy even if that means losing some family and friends in the process. Luckily for me I didn't lose much family support but I have had some people choose to avoid me because they don't feel comfortable around me.. maybe that will get better time with time maybe not. It's not my problem it's theirs.


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Thanks Nikki   . I actually had a dream last night where I came out to them, and I got yelled at and had to move out. Thanks brain 😂😂. But I really do appreciate your support. I think that they would eventually come around to it, but I might just wait a bit before telling them.

[rlacy2018]

Hello Riley and Nikkimn

Sadly there does appear to be a significant anti-reaction or misunderstanding amongst the elderly - I refer to those born in the first half of twentieth century. I believe in this period many people knew of ->-bleeped-<-s but unfortunately disapproved due to ignorance or lack of education. They would not have learned of transsexuals till 1970s and would not have heard the umbrella term transgender till around 2005.

However if your wife's grandmother can change her views given processing time and witnessing your happiness, Nikkimn, then hopefully your grandparents may also in time, Riley. I truly hope so but no guarantees of course.

Hugs to you both

Pamela

Hey Pamela . Thanks for the support! I honestly don't think they know what transgender means. I think when I do tell them, it'll be important to start off by asking if they know what x means, and if they don't, explain it. I think that may help some. I wonder exactly how they view it though. Because my aunt was talking about how her other nephew was trans (she used the term "that way"), and my grandma said "aww that's unfortunate". It's kinda odd, I don't know that she was actually sympathetic for some reason or just that it's a let down to that kid's parents.

[Nikkimn]

The biggest cause of transphobia is ignorance. I've also had success with people recommending trans positive books to educate them on the topic and information and understanding go along way towards acceptance. Also since they know you and you're family they may react differently then if it was a stranger.


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[rlacy2018]

The biggest cause of transphobia is ignorance. I've also had success with people recommending trans positive books to educate them on the topic and information and understanding go along way towards acceptance. Also since they know you and you're family they may react differently then if it was a stranger.


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Thanks! Yeah I think they'll be nicer to me than a stranger, and I honestly don't know think they know what transgender means so that could help too.