Gender Euphoria..how does it manifest for you?

[Sarah77]

I'm sure like most of you, I am in a constant internal dialogue of transgender ping pong.
Fraud, pervert, mentally-ill, deluded, destructive, scared....hopeful, aspirational, validated.

The good days come when something validates my femininity. Maybe you got your make up just right. Maybe someone said something that bolstered your feminine esteem, maybe someone was just kind or accepting, maybe you told someone the truth.

When that happens I feel the euphoria that is the opposite of the black cloud of despair of dysphoria...and I start to dream of impossible being possible, despite the consequences and risks.

The euphoria for me is like falling in love with myself. And in love with everyone. I'm nicer to people in public. I am kinder and more patient. I have butterflies and feel like a teenage girl!

Of course reality always sets in..but what is gender euphoria lie for you and what triggers it?

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Sarah.  I am sorry to hear that dysphoria still bites your butt, and that it is "reality" for you.  Hang on to those moments of euphoria, because they can become your new reality.  I love your description of it, and I totally agree!

I am mostly post-transition, still waiting for GRS, but otherwise done.  And that euphoria you describe so well is the new reality for me.  I think this is how cis people feel all the time, but we appreciate it more, because we have seen the other side.

Don't think of it as impossible.  Yes, there are risks and consequences, but many of them are no more substantial than the monsters that lived under our childhood beds.  Face the real ones and move forward.   You can do it!

[ChrissyRyan]

I will try to keep this short.  I do get stressed out from my dysphoria.

Although I enjoy lots still about my maleness, and I am AMAB, I think I am of both genders.
However, I am feeling much more female every month it seems.

For at least seven months for sure, I have really, really, really wanted my body to be female and I have wanted to be female, although I still want to be able to pass as a male for when I still think and feel I am needing to present as, or be male.  "Different", I know.  (I will no longer say "odd" though).  I think I should have been born female, but I was raised as a male.

I have feminine feelings and thoughts a lot, and I believe that I care a lot about things and people in ways that many guys just do not regularly seem to.  I would like to look and be respected and treated as a woman of course as a woman.

So maybe I want the best of both worlds, huh?  I doubt I can go on like this forever, as my femaleness is growing and my maleness is receding.

Well, I wanted to keep this short.  So I will stop there.

Chrissy


Edit:  Ooops, this is a gender euphoria topic, not a gender dysphoria topic.  I do look forward to ongoing gender euphoria.  For now this is a struggle... but it will get better.  One day at a time.  I will keep my post up as someone commented below on part of it. 

[ds1987]

Euphoria hits me in ways at times, but not as often as it used to. This might sound sad, but it's actually wonderful.

I no longer want to be a woman, I am a woman. It's not something I try to be or wish for or hope for. Regardless of the trans aspect of my identity - one that I have been continuing to understand and embrace - I am no less a woman than had I been born with XX chromosomes in a female body.

My female identity is much deeper than societal femininity. I don't even really like the word "feminine" that much when describing myself, as it isn't something that needs to be ascribed to certain characteristics. I also feel that, personally, femininity was something I was putting on and acting out as I got acquainted with my true self, but something I didn't need to sustain my inner truth.

I still have plenty of moments when I hate my reflection and get angry or sad about my body, but I see this more as dysmorphia than dysphoria. And regardless of the surgeries I have not had yet - none, actually - I have been finding my womanhood to be so innate that they are events to look forward to instead of hurdles I haven't jumped yet.

I still like wearing makeup and dresses and displaying outward aspects of femininity. But I do so because I like them, not because I need to prove something. Although, still having not gotten rid of my facial hair does make me feel that foundation is more important than it will be in the future. Being a woman is part of who I am. Being me is what I enjoy.

[MissKatie]

I think I should have been born female, but I was raised as a male.
I have feminine feelings and thoughts a lot, and I believe that I care a lot about things and people in ways that many guys just do not regularly seem to.

Chrissy

oh wow this is exactly me. I too was raised as a boy and anything feminine I did as a kid was joked/bullied out of me so I grew up trying to fit in.
But I too don't follow the male mindset, it's alien to me in nearly all respects.

so it's not just you

[jaybutterfly]

I think I've finally started to experience gender euphoria, at least, more fully than the fleeting glimpses of giddiness I used to. It's calmer now.

Since I'm now believed by doctors that Im indeed trans and I need to be living full time, I've fought so hard to be believed that Im not bipolar/autistic/gay and in denial/insert mental illness here etc. That having someone actuallu believe me from a respected position has snapped everything into focus.

I no longer feel anxious about my gender or my mannerisms that feel natural, I frequently drop into my feminine gestures and fall rather naturally into the vocal techniques I learnt at voice therapy. I no longer brush my hair away or do anything I used to do, and let it fall naturally, showing all its length. I've even sexually role played as a woman online and it felt so good, I've never enjoyed anything like that before.

What's even better is, instead of dancing around words with my mum because she's under a massive rock of judgements, Ive outright told her what transgender is and is not (Her idea of a trans person is the character from Crocodile Dundee, you know the one). I've explained to her I want to socially transition, but out of respect for the family wishes I will not present female openly at home. When I move out, it will be my house, my rules, and if they visit they will respect that if they want a relationship with me. I'm even comfortable picking my name to use and I don't take disrespect for it either.

A lot of things have snapped into focus, like Ive been living with dirt in my eyes.

[Sonja]

I'm sure like most of you, I am in a constant internal dialogue of transgender ping pong.
Fraud, pervert, mentally-ill, deluded, destructive, scared....hopeful, aspirational, validated.

The good days come when something validates my femininity. Maybe you got your make up just right. Maybe someone said something that bolstered your feminine esteem, maybe someone was just kind or accepting, maybe you told someone the truth.

When that happens I feel the euphoria that is the opposite of the black cloud of despair of dysphoria...and I start to dream of impossible being possible, despite the consequences and risks.

The euphoria for me is like falling in love with myself. And in love with everyone. I'm nicer to people in public. I am kinder and more patient. I have butterflies and feel like a teenage girl!

Of course reality always sets in..but what is gender euphoria lie for you and what triggers it?

@Sarah77

Basically what you said Sarah.
But when you're me and you're married and have a son that calls you dad it forces my mind into an indoctrinated mindset that sometimes makes me feel like I'm tearing into 2 people and I can feel dysphoria coming from that. My latest comes from a party I was at over the weekend where I was dressed male and although I was hanging out with the girls most of the night I still wasn't one of them because of how they see me and I became very conscious of feeling like I wasn't fitting in with anyone's group and felt like I was 'on the fence'

Otherwise I love each day that I get to express myself as a woman and get absolutely giddy when my wife validates me as such in various ways.  Going girls shopping together, dancing together fully 'dressed' with makeup etc, getting my nails done, doing my makeup, trying outfits on for my wife and vice versa all with a glass of wine in your hand of course!

Sonja.

[Sinclair]

I'm sure like most of you, I am in a constant internal dialogue of transgender ping pong.
Fraud, pervert, mentally-ill, deluded, destructive, scared....hopeful, aspirational, validated.

The good days come when something validates my femininity. Maybe you got your make up just right. Maybe someone said something that bolstered your feminine esteem, maybe someone was just kind or accepting, maybe you told someone the truth.

When that happens I feel the euphoria that is the opposite of the black cloud of despair of dysphoria...and I start to dream of impossible being possible, despite the consequences and risks.

The euphoria for me is like falling in love with myself. And in love with everyone. I'm nicer to people in public. I am kinder and more patient. I have butterflies and feel like a teenage girl!

Of course reality always sets in..but what is gender euphoria lie for you and what triggers it?

Good post. Gender euphoria for me is never a lie, it's a simply my brain reinforcing what I already know. I'm Sinclair. The struggle is not questioning the euphoria but fighting and eliminating the dysphoria. I embrace and enforce my euphoria. It's simple for me. What makes me smile? I look in the mirror and I see Sinclair, and all the changes that I have made make me smile. Sometimes, the dysphoria monster will show but I swat that away. That monster makes me sad and I just concentrate on what makes me smile. As you posted validation is so very important. That's why I added mirrors to my house. When that dysphoria monster shows up, I do a quick brain check and flash a quick look in the mirror. I look good. I really do look good (not my ideal look, will prolly never get there) and that's what I reinforce. It helps to shop at Walmart and see that my body and look is way better than about 60 percent of the cis-females there. 

[GingerVicki]

I'm only 30 days in and two things makes me very happy. My sex drive has gone down and I am sleeping better.

Both of these improve my quality of life.

[Linde]

Having physically been male and female at the same time, but having had to act like a male all the time, my euphoria is that I don't need to do this anymore.  I now can be a girl whenever I want to .  What I really love about this is that I can allow my emotions to come out. 
I always tried very hard to be a real male all the time, I did not even allow myself to show sadness about anything.  Always following the rule that a real man does not cry!
Now I am able to let my tears rolling freely when I feel like it.  And that means freedom to me, the freedom to show my emotions is absolutely tops for me!