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How to Get Turned On

Started by Grad0507, May 27, 2019, 08:26:51 PM

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Grad0507

My husband wants to have sex three times a week. But how am I supposed to get turned on by a man dressed as a woman who wants to be treated as a woman. The only thing I really want is BDSM but he refused to hurt me. I just don't know how to please him.


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Dena

Never having had sexual relations in my life, I am probably the last person you should be taking advice from but you might want to explore different types of foreplay. Possibly you husband can come up with something that's not harmful but will still get you into the right frame of mind. If that doesn't work, you might consider some form of couples consoling that could help you reach common ground.

Remember that a woman is more difficult to get excited about sex. Testosterone make a male interested in sex with the least little suggestion where as it's more difficult to get a female interested. You husband really needs to do some of the work figuring this one out.
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F_P_M

Would light bondage work to get her in the mood and give you enough to work with?

I know with more extreme kinks often partners can get a little anxious, especially if it's a bit new.

Sex really is a partnership, you need to work together to find something you can both enjoy.
Maybe start slow? Work up to the more kinky stuff?

How long have you two been married? Was he into the bdsm previously?
3 times a week is... phew.. pretty exhausting long term I have to say. Is that just an average or did you seriously get told "we're pencilling this into the schedule"?

I find a rich fantasy life helps me a lot. I find sex physically painful a lot of the time but I still crave it because i'm an idiot I suppose, so i've developed a rather good ability to sort of disassociate and focus on things that turn me on. Sort of.. my own personal porno in my head lol.
Worth a shot? (and that sounds terrible for my poor husband but to be fair, he KNOWS i'm not really into the whole being female thing so imagining myself as a guy helps my dysphoria and makes it more enjoyable)

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LizK

I could be way off base here but have you sat her down and tried to negotiate this with her? She wants something from you and you from her...is there some middle ground where she can present herself in a way that you would find acceptable and is there a level of BDSM that you would go to and so would she? I am just wondering if the absolutes of it all are getting in the way and maybe some compromise on both sides could see you move closer together and find a middle ground where you both get a bit of what you both need?

Just a thought

Liz
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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Maid Marion

Maybe you could be "forced" to  feminize him. First putting on makeup or painting her nails.  Perhaps escalating to teaching her to do it herself.
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Robbyv213

Hmm this is a very interesting dynamic. I feel most women (and I am making a general assumption here so please my intentions are not to offend anyone here) often want a bit of bdsm play. My wife likes and wants it, however we have never actually had a sexual experience together that included that. I know all of my past committed relationships all the women had some sort of fantasy or minor kink into some light or even heavy bondage, so even had rape fantasies, even though it's not actually rape and it's with a partner she loves and trusts.

I feel alot of it is in the mindset, and setting the mood. Building anticipation etc. Being forceful but not hurting etc, even playful torture of oh you just climaxed and I know your still sensitive but I'm going to keep this vibe wand on you and send you over the edge again and you cant do anything about it bc your restrained, with in reason and obviously communication comes very heavily into play here before hand establishing boundaries and safe words and things wanting to be experienced.

Most women if they are not bi or bi curious want a man in bed and want their man to be a man. I know that is one of my wife's biggest hurdles with me. We have never been intimate with me as woman. However we don't mind role reversal but I don't think she would be willing to try more than once with me dressed as a woman while we have sex.

So that's a entirely different obstacle to over come. And if she identifies as a woman. Then she prob wants to experience sex in the female role and most likely wants to have done to herself what you want to have done to do.

Again these are just some assumptions I am making, so I could be very off base here. I'm just trying to put myself in both of your shoes, to hopefully help and find some sort of solution or compromise.

Have you tried male chastity before. Where your husband is pretty much your slave and your sexual needs come first. Might be a different direction that you can try. She may feel more feminine by being forced to do the things you want if she wants the chastity cage to be removed and to be aloud to have an orgasm, and you can make her do what you want, again with chastity over long periods with no orgasm she will eventually be willing to do anything to be released and given an orgasm. Just food for thought.

Getting back to your original post do you see your husband as possibly being able to get into the female dominant mind set, if so then some BDSM is def possible, and then at that point we just need to figure out how to have you over come her dressed up as woman.

You can always get some adult books on bdsm and how to start out and what to do. Might give some options for some light bdsm that is explained in a way she knows that she won't be hurting you when it's performed.

Just all food for thought. Ultimately you know what you like and want and she knows what she likes and wants. And you both know what you need. So best thing I can suggest is talk, anything and everything. Kinks, fantasies desires etc. Nothings off limits with just talking and asking questions. Figuring out why they want it and like it, will ultimately help you both become better lovers for one another. And again this is a very intimate topic so a safe space with no judgement no ridicule, just going into it with an open mind to try to understand.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,248248.0.html#msg2272201

Everyday live your life a little more as your true self. Everyday live your life as the person you want to be and eventually you'll be that person before you even noticed you changed.
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Robbyv213

And def don't beat yourself up or condemn yourself as to I don't know how to please him. As we all know relationships are hard as it is. Sexually intimacy is even harder, and being vulnerable enough to tell your partner what you like and want is the hardest. But it's all about communicating and understanding the why you both like and want what you want and coming to a compromise that works for you both.
https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,248248.0.html#msg2272201

Everyday live your life a little more as your true self. Everyday live your life as the person you want to be and eventually you'll be that person before you even noticed you changed.
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