Hello everyone,
I'm very glad that this forum exists. It's a comfort just seeing everyone here talk to each other, it makes me feel less alone, so thank you everyone for being here!
Julie is not my current name, but I've heard my parents say in passing that this is the name they would have given me if I was a girl, so it's strongly associated in my mind to my feminine side.
I've had desires and dreams about being a woman since childhood, but I repressed them. In order not to go nuts, I satisfied these desires (secretly and shamefully) and thought as little about them as possible.
About a year ago, I started consulting a psychologist to deal with other issues (successfully!) A month ago, I broached the issue of my strange desires to be a woman - surely I'd be able to minimize and rationalize this little problem and make it go away, if I only understood it....boy was I wrong.
I soon realized that this was not an insignificant part of my personality, to be dealt with and then ignored. I freaked out! I wanted to laugh and cry at work, I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about it. Only when I admitted to myself that I genuinely saw myself as a woman, in some way, and desired living as a woman, did I calm down a little.
I'm now in the process of exploring my identity. I've taken some careful, safe steps to explore my feminine side, but I feel both impatient to start the transition and fearful that it would be hasty, a mistake. I also feel isolated because I haven't spoken to my close family about this, and I usually share intimate details of my life with them. I've held back so far because I'm still in the process of figuring out my identity, but it's hard to keep this secret from them and not be able to talk to them about it. They are wonderful listeners and I feel like they'd be able to help me go through this, but for the same reason, I want to make sure to preserve good relations with them, and not overwhelm them with my confusion.
Thanks so much for reading and have a wonderful day/evening/night!
