How long does it take before "correct" gendering doesn't sound strange

[Michelle_P]

Folks, even accepting folks, get the pronouns wrong all the time. I particularly notice this with older folks.

I'm fairly lean, so the bone structure and cartilage determines most of my facial appearance. HRT is having minimal impact there, and it is hard for me to mask it even with a serious makeup effort.

So, I get Sir'd a lot.

Being a bit of an activist, I ordered a bunch of buttons saying She / Her / Hers, on a background of transgender flag colors. I'm not concerned about the buttons outing me. The face takes care of that.  (I'm working on plans to fix that.)


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[SpeakYourMind]

So I just got back from the local outlet mall.  I was in The Loft looking at the clearance rack with another woman and the sales clerk came up and say "How are you ladies doing?  ..."  That's going to take some getting used to.  My first thought was "patronizing" but considering what I'm wearing and my current appearance there's no way he thought otherwise.  (Similar situation in Wilson's Leathers too.)

Q: how long does it take so that doesn't feel/sound abnormal?

I was going to say a couple days but then i remembered before a couple nights ago
Honestly in the end it depends on the person and their experiences although for me in the long run it probably took a couple months or maybe a year i loved when it happened but i was token off guard every time or baffled because i wasn't confident with my own appearance and i had a hard time believing others when they gendered me correctly.
It could be different with you to a degree or completely but for me a month or year maybe. Once i got used to hearing it and trusting what i was hearing then i started to get used to it being said it also helped my confidence.     

[Denise]

That's the feeling it gives me...like a nice big hug.

Thank you!  That is the exact feeling I get but didn't know how to express it.  Originally I would thing "patronizing" There's no way you see me as a woman.  But when I get ma'md and I'm in guy mode it reassures me that maybe the ma'ms while Denise are sincere.

Good analogy

[CynthiaAnn]

Interesting topic and responses, everyone is unique and this question posed touches subjective areas of life and self perceptions.

For myself, I've been living full time as female for 6 years now, and being in the correct context and hearing the proper words come back to me, gives me deep satisfaction. I'll admit it's still not reached the point of being "taken for granted". I gladly accept proper context, just like last weekend at the bank, I enjoyed be referred to as Ms (a little glee in my head). I always enjoy being called Ma'am on the phone, I worked hard to get my voice to be passable for example. So maybe in 20 years I might pay less attention to these words, 6 years in and I am all smiles, it's working...

C -

[Northern Star Girl]

Before I relocated to Alaska, I always jumped with joy when I was gendered correctly in conversations and once I quit my male-mode job, became Full-time and moved to where I am now, I have never been mis-gendered once. 
I have had overwhelming acceptance in this small town... probably because I was an unknown out-of-town woman starting a new small business in this small town. 
I soon came out publicly and many townspeople, clients and friends here were surprised to hear of my male past and have seemed to put it out of their thinking when they talk to me or talk about me for the most part. 

I don't keep it a secret but I do NOT introduce myself as "Danielle the transgender woman."

Danielle

[krobinson103]

So I just got back from the local outlet mall.  I was in The Loft looking at the clearance rack with another woman and the sales clerk came up and say "How are you ladies doing?  ..."  That's going to take some getting used to.  My first thought was "patronizing" but considering what I'm wearing and my current appearance there's no way he thought otherwise.  (Similar situation in Wilson's Leathers too.)

Q: how long does it take so that doesn't feel/sound abnormal?

Been at least a year and half since I started to 'pass' and every now and then it still feels odd. Takes a long time to reset a lifetime of conditioning.

[Denise]

A post from the past has been resurrected. It still feels strange to be ma'md or ladies and I've been full time for 2 years and 3 months.  I think part of the problem is I've NEVER been gendered correctly on the phone.  Too many years of radio announcer's voice and public address talking has ruined me.  Maybe it's time to get back to voice training.

[Linde]

I've NEVER been gendered correctly on the phone. 

I never am gendered anything but female by my voice.  But I do purposely use a male voice when I am on the phone!

I think men get better results on the phone than women do, specifically if you have a complained or warranty issue, and have to wade through the different telephone reps, who try to discourage you!

[Lexxi]

I wanted to share something with you all that made me feel horrible. I was raised to always say "yes ma'am, no sir, etc..." to my elders. I'm a very polite person by nature, and me being me, I use sir and ma'am even with younger people. Here's where that failed me recently.

I went through the drive-thru at McDonald's and placed my order. The mysterious voice from the speaker asked if I wanted anything else with my order and I replied "no ma'am." In fact I think I used ma'am a couple of times during our interaction. Well I drove around to the window to pay and get my order and it hit me. The "girl" who I had been talking to was really a trans man...and he looked very sad.

I didn't know if I should say anything or not, because I didn't want to bring anymore attention to him. But as he handed me my order I said "thank you sir" and he gave me a great big smile.

I hope that made up for my earlier faux pas. I never like to hurt anyone or make them feel bad, so I'm going to maybe have to curtail my use of the sir's and ma'am's until I actually see the person I'm talking to.

I thought I'd share that with you all.

xoxo

Lexxi