Sir/ma'am

[cottoncandy-dreams]

I always hated being called "ma'am" but I thought it was related to classism, not gender. So I thought I would dislike being called "sir" too, but nope. Been called "sir" several times these past few days (yay testosterone!) and it actually feels really good.

[Devlyn]

Around my neck of the woods, they're both used as terms of respect. Having said that, call me "young lady" and I melt like butter. 

[Lacy]

Around my neck of the woods, they're both used as terms of respect. Having said that, call me"young lady" and I melt like butter. 

I was always raised to say "Sir" or "Ma'am" as a way of showing respect as well. I still use them.

The words being used for the proper gender of course make a big difference on how they are accepted!

[Lyric]

People in service occupations who use those terms usually believe they are expressing respect, but I believe the real reason is because the terms help create emotional distance from the customer. It makes it easier to think of people as business objects.

[Devlyn]

People in service occupations who use those terms usually believe they are expressing respect, but I believe the real reason is because the terms help create emotional distance from the customer. It makes it easier to think of people as business objects.

Maybe, but what about outside service occupations? Southerners sir and ma'am everyone. I'm sticking with it being a gesture of respect.

[Lacy]

Maybe, but what about outside service occupations? Southerners sir and ma'am everyone. I'm sticking with it being a gesture of respect.

Being from Oklahoma, I'll second that!

I work in the medical field, and I use sir ma'am all the time when on the phone with patients. I want them to feel respected and taken care of.
Maybe because of this mindset, that is how I take it when someone in a store or restaurant use it.

[Allison S]

I was getting ma'am only. Recently, it's switched to miss and it's so amazing how much more it validates me. Ma'am was okay too. I think it's because my hair is getting longer, but I'm not too sure. It's always men. Women never ma'am/miss me.

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[RobynD]

I get ma'am about 80% of the time. Miss, maybe 10% of the time. Women often use other terms, sweetie, hon, dear etc.

[SeptagonScars]

Those words are not used in my country/language so I have no experience with being called either irl. It's only really online that a few English speaking people and US based companies have adressed me with them. I feel iffy about both sir and ma'am, but I think that's just because I think they're unnecessary terms because of my own country not using them.

There is a translated equivalence: sir=herr and ma'am=fru; but they're largely considered outdated terms now and haven't really been used for the past few decades or so.

For gendered terms in general though, I don't get particularly bad or good feelings regardless of if they're male or female. Some people still say he/him about me while other people have switched to she/her, and some avoid all kinds of gendered terms for me.

[Natsuki Kuga]

Growing up speaking English in the USA with a Southern idiom, I was implicitly taught that Sir and Ma'am were the only appropriate addresses for children to use with adults and among adults not on familiar terms.

As I became familiar with other European languages, I began to see parallels with usages such as Sie/Ihnen in German and Usted/Lei/Vous instead of "du" or "tu."

Nowadays, particularly as more people specifically prefer to be recognized as neither gender, it's a little ticklish. I know what I want to be, and I don't want anyone to not want to recognize me as such, but neither do I want to guess wrong myself and hurt anyone's feelings.

[Lacy]

I get ma'am about 80% of the time. Miss, maybe 10% of the time. Women often use other terms, sweetie, hon, dear etc.

Women can also use those terms in a demeaning manner! My wife got called Hun on the phone the other day by an angry technician. She called her out on it!

I despise it whenever a guy calls me "Buddy". You aren't my buddy and I am not a child!

[cottoncandy-dreams]

Yeah I get called "buddy" all the time. Because I'm so new to transition I look like I'm 14 and so people who are my age or not that much older than me will call me that. It's so annoying!

[Kylo]

People in service occupations who use those terms usually believe they are expressing respect, but I believe the real reason is because the terms help create emotional distance from the customer. It makes it easier to think of people as business objects.

I think the opposite, when someone I don't know is addressing me, "sir" is more formally polite. I don't much like someone I don't know and have no connection to asking my first name and then referring to me by that name all the way through, it feels vaguely condescending and falsely-friendly. Like if I met an 80 year old woman or man I didn't know and was serving them, I'd call them formally out of respect, and would feel presumptuous to be calling them by first name like they're just someone I know. The erosion of formality in our culture is probably a part of the erosion of social respect for each other in general, and corporate people acting as if on first-name terms with complete strangers reminds me of being infantilized at kindergarten. I know it's not remotely sincere from them.