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What stops you passing?

Started by Pandora, March 14, 2015, 03:49:33 AM

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If you fail to pass (some or all of the time) what do you think is the main reason?

Face
27 (18.5%)
Head Hair
5 (3.4%)
Facial Hair
8 (5.5%)
Breasts
8 (5.5%)
Height
4 (2.7%)
Body Shape Type
14 (9.6%)
Voice
40 (27.4%)
Other - please explain
9 (6.2%)
I pass all the time!
31 (21.2%)

Total Members Voted: 128

Deborah

My voice is my only limitation.  Other than that I can generally pass with strangers in just jeans and a t shirt without any substantial makeup other than maybe a little powder since I have too much facial hair.


Conform and be dull. —James Frank Dobie, The Voice of the Coyote
Love is not obedience, conformity, or submission. It is a counterfeit love that is contingent upon authority, punishment, or reward. True love is respect and admiration, compassion and kindness, freely given by a healthy, unafraid human being....  - Dan Barker

U.S. Army Retired
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Michelle_P

My voice.  Goddess, but getting that right is hard, and not at all a habit yet.  It's going to take me years to get it right.

I did a presentation last night and it was recorded and shared on Facebook with my permission.  You can see it in my feed if the Facebook deities are in a good mood.   As soon as I am distracted by the subject matter I lose the voice totally, and years of old bad habits dominate.  I hate it, but it just takes time, years of time, to wipe a half century of old habits and build new ones.

https://www.facebook.com/Michelle.P001 or in several videos here https://www.facebook.com/pg/BeniciaARC/videos/?ref=page_internal

Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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bubbles21

I would say that it was my voice when i was smoking cigs but since i stopped i don't have the issue with my voice anymore. Oh if im to be pedantic one thing could be my chin lol i have the exact same chin as my mother although hers is more square but we both have bum chins lol i am hoping to get that changed in my next round of surgery, it bothers me a whole lot It's not that it's prominent or anything just that one part where the bum is irritates me.  ;D
Blossoming with my Happy Pills :)
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ainsley

Quote from: Michelle_P on June 14, 2017, 11:45:47 AM
...As soon as I am distracted by the subject matter I lose the voice totally, and years of old bad habits dominate.  I hate it...

I can relate!  I had this problem before voice surgery, and now my pitch stays good, but my intonation, resonance, prosody, etc., all take a hit when I get into my technical subject matter.  I have to consciously tell myself to stop, reset, and speak properly during these times.  Usually, I notice my posture has changed, too, so getting back into proper posture helps maintain proprioception and good speaking form.

Practice!!
Some people say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.

Wonder Twin Powers Activate!
Shape of A GIRL!
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V

Heh, I can totally agree, as getting distracted or engrossed in what I'm saying is the biggest problem I have with my voice. I can start off quite well, but maintaining that during a conversation that isn't over after a few exchanges, is rather difficult. And if the conversation turns to to something that interests me, or indeed annoys me, then I'm likely to get distracted/engrossed in what I saying rather than how I'm saying it. Even after FtM speech therapy and over 15 years of practising, I still can't manage it :(
The more I try to keep my voice as female-sounding as possible, the more disjointed and hesitant and fettered the flow of my conversation becomes. I've sometimes tried so hard to stop my voice dropping back to maleness, that I've totally forgotten (mid-speech) what I was saying, although that might be old age creeping in as well ;)
It's interesting what you say @ainsley, that even with voice surgery, this issue is still prevalent.
I was thinking about voice surgery, but I did wonder about this, and your comment really does make me think that it wouldn't be the right thing for me, as I'd still get distracted during talking, and everything apart from pitch would go awry.

On the positive side, I find that if I do make a good enough initial impression with my voice, then it's amazing what I can later 'get away with' before folks start to raise an eyebrow.
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LizK

I tend to lose the pitch and start dropping the ends of my words back into chest resonance when I lose focus on my voice techniques...but I guess its one of those things that just takes time and practice ...sigh!!
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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eyesk8rboi

I don't know if this was MTF only...but I'm busting up in here!

I think it's mostly my voice, but it's also probably my figure and face, though in my eyes, I looked manly even when identifying as feminine...But I guess that's just wishful thinking on my part.

Steven Lee | 24 | Dog Dad | Beginner Figure Skater | Aspiring Writer


:icon_arrow:Started counseling on June 11th, 2017
:icon_arrow:Received HRT Letter on July 2nd, 2017
:icon_arrow:HRT Consultation with Doctor on July 16th, 2017







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SophiaBleu

Definitely my voice. I like to pretend the rest of my passes, lol!
They must find it difficult, those who have taken authority as truth, rather than truth as authority.
              Gerald Massey

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JB_Girl

Quote from: transguymac on June 28, 2017, 10:44:04 AM
I don't know if this was MTF only...but I'm busting up in here!

I think it's mostly my voice, but it's also probably my figure and face, though in my eyes, I looked manly even when identifying as feminine...But I guess that's just wishful thinking on my part.



Dude, you look great and T will take care of your voice in time. :)
I began this journey when I began to think, but it took what it took for me to truly understand the what and the why of authenticity.  I'm grateful to have found a path that works and to live as I have always dreamed.

The dates are unimportant and are quite stale now.  The journey to truth is fresh and never ends.
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LizK

Quote from: transguymac on June 28, 2017, 10:44:04 AM
I don't know if this was MTF only...but I'm busting up in here!

I think it's mostly my voice, but it's also probably my figure and face, though in my eyes, I looked manly even when identifying as feminine...But I guess that's just wishful thinking on my part.



Looking Great dude ;)...as JB Girl said....T will most likely sort that voice issue out.
Transition Begun 25 September 2015
HRT since 17 May 2016,
Fulltime from 8 March 2017,
GCS 4 December 2018
Voice Surgery 01 February 2019
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VeronicaLynn

While there may be other things, my facial hair stubble is really what stops me the most. Even if I do get a close shave, it's back within an hour, and there are some areas that are next to impossible to shave close. I absolutely hate wearing foundation also.

I really need to bite the bullet and get electrolysis. I tried a home laser, but that is too painful to use at a setting high enough to have much of an effect, other than the few areas that were kind of sparse to begin with. Wasting a year or so doing this has allowed than much more of them to turn gray.

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SeptagonScars

My pick was as the majority: voice. Although I dithered between that one and facial hair. Having been on testo for a considerable amount of time, I sometimes don't pass as my birth sex now in detransition.

I'd like to think that after a very close shave and neatly applied makeup, and wearing my breast forms in feminine attire, I'd pass just fine as a woman, as long as I kept my mouth shut. My voice settled at a baritone pitch several years ago, and in other words that's in the lower end of average for an adult male. I like still it, but it's far from feminine. So I don't want to change it even if it gives me off. I'd rather then just explain my situation to people than change something about my body that I'm actually fond of. However, when talking I do get weird looks. Okay I do get weird looks anyway, so maybe my makeup and beard coverage just isn't as neat as I'd like to think...

It doesn't show up in photos, and irl I can only see it if I'm really up close to a mirror. However my mom has inpolitely pointed out that my makeup "doesn't hide it at all" to which I snappily replied "yeah but what else should I do then?" and sighed. I do grow a lot of very dense and dark facial hair. And as others have said here already, shaving close is tricky in some areas. I've got a nose and a mouth inconveniently in the way of the razor. It also doesn't help when you have a lot of acne scarring and raised bumps that get nicked from shaving no matter how you go about it. And dents where the razor simply can't reach. When I used to have my beard grown out in my transition, that caused a lot of acne breakouts which scarred my face, so now I have to suffer the consequences of... let's just sum it up as too many bad decisions.

Otherwise, I'd say if it wasn't for just those two things I'd pass just fine. I'm not sure if my having no breasts would raise suspicions though, in and of itself. It doesn't look naturally flat. Like the scars do reveal there once used to be breasts there. But it's rare that I show it to people anyway. And when I do it's only in very intimate, private settings, in which they already know my story. Most women don't tend to show their bare chests in public anyhow. But then the good thing about that is... for those people in those settings I don't need to try to pass as a woman; they know I'm a woman. That is so reversed to how it was when I lived as a man.
Mar. 2009 - came out as ftm
Nov. 2009 - changed my name to John
Mar. 2010 - diagnosed with GID
Aug. 2010 - started T, then stopped after 1 year
Aug. 2013 - started T again, kept taking it since
Mar. 2014 - top surgery
Dec. 2014 - legal gender marker changed to male
*
Jul. 2018 - came out as cis woman and began detransition
Sep. 2018 - stopped taking T and changed my name to Laura
Oct. 2018 - got new ID-card

Medical Detransition plans: breast reconstruction surgery, change legal gender back to female.
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Liina

I think my biggest factor that stops me from passing in my mind.
Once I let go and try it becomes easier, I am sure that a bit facial reconstruction will help a lot, eventually that will be done too.
After that it will only be my confidence which will pull it off really well.
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