Questions and Thoughts

[Stephen]

I am fairly new to the whole GLBTA world (granted fairly new is 4 years which in college is a lifetime) as I came from a small almost all white catholic/luthern farming community. I came to terms with being a lesbian and discovered the term doesn't fit me and discovered new terms, I now identify as omnisexual/pansexual or queer.

I met my now best friend and really more of a sister my freshman year in 2004 as we were in the same orientation team. I found out she was trans (MtF, I am using her preferred terminology) and immediately was able to see her for who she was and once she told me her female name I started using it as much as possible. She once asked me, "Why do you get it?" I didn't have a response for her and have been philosophizing as to why and as I grew more and more into myself I noticed how uncomfortable with myself I am. This same friend said to me upfront about a year ago you're not just a tomboy you're gender queer. I guess this snapped me out of whatever denial I was in and began to really think about it. Then came the questions, Where do I fit, Am I transsexual or just gender queer, Why do I feel so different and puzzled. I fortunately have many great trans friends in various stages of transition here, but most are MtF.

This is a lot for me to go through in such a short period of time, coming out as not straight, religion (I was raised catholic and am now pagan), and trans. I came out to my parents as a lesbian and my dad is now a huge advocate for me and I know I can talk to him about all of this stuff but I'm worried about my mom as she doesn't even know I'm not Christian. My dad knows I identify as omnisexual my mom still thinks I'm just a lesbian. My dad knows I am pagan, am involved in BdSM, and will know I am trans (Mom doesn't) as I talked to him at the beginning about my feelings I just haven't seen him in a while. For my dad's speeches he does I wrote my life story specifically the coming out part and now I guess I have more to add, a lot more.

As I explore the trans world I find I am very comfortable. I have discovered I prefer sir to ma'am, I like it and even thank people when they say he or sir when referring to me as it feels so right. The only thing is the more and more I become comfortable with myself in this respect the less and less I am comfortable in situations where there is a gender separation such as bathrooms. So my question is, what do you do when there is no option for a gender neutral bathroom?

I have applied for and will be interviewing for a job this summer. It is with a summer youth (15-18 yr olds) conservation corps. When we are on spike (not at our main park) this isn't an issue as Crew leaders are not allowed to be in the same tent as the crew members so I'll have my own tent. However, at the base camp we are in cabins and the crew leaders are also cabin leaders and the girls and boys are obviously split into 2 separate areas (kinda like any mixed gender summer camp). I don't know how comfortable I will feel being always considered a girl. How should I handle this? Do I just stay hidden? Should I tell the head staff after I have been hired that I'm TS?

I have been looking through some pictures of myself where I was attempting to be feminine and it is so weird because I still look like a boy even when I had long hair. I look at me in the tight form fitting female shirts and it looks like I am in drag and not doing a very good job at it . This is of course fine with me as I would rather look like a guy.

One last question is: How do I explain the difference between everyday tomboy and a FtM TS? I was raised by my mother (and father) and being a tomboy is natural because my mom is one but I don't quite know how to explain the difference so she might understand it a little.

Thoughts?

[jet3]

Stephen, what up dude? You have some big questions in there, and im not going to lie, im not the greatest advise giver lol but i'll try to help with what i can. First off dealing with your mom, that is always a really tough situation, even more so when you're really close. You have to go about really carefully, cuz a lot of parents just don't understand. You not being a Christian doesn't have to come up when you tell her about you being ts, i would suggest putting one thing on her at a time. I don't really know how your mom is, all parents are differnt. I would say try talking to your dad about it, he might be able to give you some helpful ideas on how to approach your mom, because im sure he knows how she thinks, at least some what. You could also see a gender specialist a lot of times if you explain everything to them they can give you advise on how to approach your parents. The bathroom situation is always kind of akward. If you're somewhere where a lot of people know you and you don't feel comfortable going into the mens restroom then i would say continue going in the womens until you feel the time is right. If your somewhere and people dont know you then you have nothing to lose by going in the mens restroom. If your anything like me, when you go into the womens restroom people look at you weird, wondering why a boy is in the womens restroom lol so me personally i would prefer to go into the mens restroom anyway, because i dont get weird looks then. With the camp leader job, i would def. say you should talk to whoever is in charge and explain your situation. Hopefully they will work with you and respect you as a man. If they won't then it's your decision if you want to continue to work for them. Being ts can be difficult at times. you just have to stay strong and hope you find people who will support you and have your back. I know i didnt do the best job at answering your questions, but i hope i helped a little bit.

Jet

[Stephen]

Thanks, I appreciate any thoughts as I am just now starting the journey. As a side note I will be going to the MBLGTACC this weekend and my main focus for the workshops will be trans so I can learn more.